Rants, Random Thoughts, and General Skullduggery
Al Sharpton is a Piece of Crap
Guest Webmaster
Tim Smith
Every second (or up to every six minutes, depending on the source), a woman is raped. But seriously, how often is it a white American woman who isn’t homeless? Those are the only ones that really count, right?
Can somebody please do something about Al Sharpton? When Don Imus got in trouble for referring to the Rutgers women’s basketball team as nappy-headed hos, Al Sharpton was the self-designated poster boy for “cleaning up the airwaves.” Now that the Jena 6 have been justly convicted for crimes they committed, Al Sharpton is the self-designated poster boy for the “21st century civil rights movement.” To me, it would appear that Al Sharpton is the poster boy for “front-running whatever hot-button issue is currently in the news.” His character is totally free of any real principles, but I guess that’s a necessity when you have to change what you’re fighting for every few weeks. People like Al Sharpton make me extremely glad to be white. If I was a rational, productive black person who contributed to society, I would be embarrassed as hell every time a somewhat racial issue arose and Al Sharpton stepped forward, declaring himself a representative of me and other black people. If the racial roles were reversed, Pat Robertson would probably be the one spearheading all the inane marches and protests. He’d be out there ranting and raving and making all white people seem crazy, stupid, and totally out of touch, just like Al Sharpton does to black people. Honestly, I’m surprised more people haven’t pulled a Michael Jackson and gone white (or insane). At least Al Gore always pretends global warming exists and doesn’t jump retarded dilemma ships once a month.
The biggest winner in the OJ indictment isn’t the Goldman family. And the biggest winner in Michael Vick’s guilty plea isn’t PETA. The biggest winner in both cases is Isiah Thomas, general manager of the New York Knickerbockers. He is currently involved in an extremely nasty sexual harassment suit that you probably haven’t even heard about. Go Knicks!
As I glared at the spiclet who dumped his glass of water on the floor without receiving any recourse from his mother, I realized that my cruel stare was the closest thing to parenting he would receive that day.
Attention Jena 6: Someone hanging nooses in a tree is not a license for you to kick the shit out of a classmate, whether he had anything to do with it or not. It doesn’t matter if you are incensed by a childish act of racial intolerance, you don’t get to go out and beat someone unconscious. The truly disgusting part of this story is the thousands of people empathizing with the Jena 6 and calling for lesser charges. If you’re old enough to drive, you’re old enough to know that you can’t gang stomp another person, regardless of how you perceive them to have wronged you. Humans are supposed to be held responsible for their actions. If you want to have the same level of accountability as a dog, then expect to be treated as such.
Okay, that’s enough, “The Goonies” sucks. Try just once to watch it without letting all the nostalgia cloud your mind and then try to convince yourself you still enjoy it.
If I had a time machine, I would go back and kill myself a bunch of times. Actually, I’d probably have to travel forward or I’d only get to do it once. But the me of the future would remember that I had killed me, and would probably be prepared. However, the future me wouldn’t be able to kill me because then I would cease to exist in the future. Knowing that, I might just let it happen. Or, I might try to entice myself with profitable information about the past (the future for the present me), kind of like Biff in Back to the Future II. It would be weird though to be expecting a past me to appear to kill me, and know that I could turn me away with a get-rich-quick scheme. Maybe it would be fun to go back and torture the me of the past. I wouldn’t expect it, but I would remember it happening a long time ago at the same time that I was doing it, which has to be a bizarre feeling. The scars from my torture of myself would show up on the present me as I wounded the past me. It would be kind of like Butterfly Effect, except that there would be two of me, instead of just an older, wiser me taking over the younger me. Maybe, I would encourage the past me to do beneficial stuff that is painful or uncomfortable, like getting braces or tattoos, or practicing piano. That way, I would remember experiencing it, but I never really would experience it.
Tim Smith recently graduated with a degree in music from North Dakota State University. He was once the only white member of a household that included an Asian, a Native American, and a Mexican. You can reach Tim at timothy.smith@ ndsu.edu.
