Rants, Random Thoughts, and General Skullduggery
When I Grow Up...
Guest Webmaster
Tim Smith
Im not sure if anyone remembers this old commercial, because I dont really either. Some crap happens, which escapes me, and then the voiceover guy, or maybe its a voiceover kid, says, Nobody ever says, I want to be a junkie when I grow up. So, in the throes of inspiration, I decided it would be a good idea to compile a list of things that nobody ever says about what they want to be when they grow up. Enjoy.
Nobody ever says, I want to exist in a permanent vegetative state and receive sustenance through a feeding tube when I grow up.
Nobody ever says, I want to get raped by the Duke Lacrosse team when I grow up.
Nobody ever says, I want to kill policemen when I grow up.
Nobody ever says, I want to sell my body in exchange for basic nourishment when I grow up.
Nobody ever says, I want to use my position of religious authority to regularly coerce children into touching my penis when I grow up.
Nobody ever says, I want to be a daily victim of brutal anal rape in prison when I grow up.
Nobody ever says, I want to destroy a parallel universe when I grow up.
Nobody ever says, I want to live in a hovel when I grow up.
Nobody ever says, I want to die on a cruise ship when I grow up.
Nobody ever says, I want to be addicted to internet porn when I grow up.
Nobody ever says, I want to suicide-bomb an abortion clinic when I grow up.
Nobody ever says, I want to be hanged for treason when I grow up.
Nobody ever says, I want to be the Secretary of Homeland Security when I grow up.
Nobody ever says, I want to direct snuff films when I grow up.
Nobody ever says, I want to have a cosmetic kidney transplant when I grow up.
Nobody ever says, I want to be a pro wrestling referee when I grow up.
Nobody ever says, I want to run the film projector when I grow up.
Nobody ever says, I want my death to necessitate an autopsy when I grow up.
Nobody ever says, I want to be a professional white supremacist when I grow up.
Nobody ever says, I want to sew soccer balls when I grow up.
Nobody ever says, I want to sell velvet Elvis paintings out of the back of an El Camino when I grow up.
Nobody ever says, I want to lose my soul in a fiddling match when I grow up.
Nobody ever says, I want to be ritualistically beheaded on television by a terrorist when I grow up.
Tim Smith recently graduated with a degree in music from North Dakota State University. He was once the only white member of a household that included an Asian, a Native American, and a Mexican. You can reach Tim at timothy.smith@ ndsu.edu.
