Rants, Random Thoughts, and General Skullduggery
Part II- Musings, Ideas, and Concepts
Guest Webmaster
Tim Smith
Tim Smith shares his random thoughts, part I...
“Bed head” sounds dirty but really isn’t.
Doing business at the campus bookstore shouldn’t make you feel like
you’ve been canoeing in Georgia back country with Burt Reynolds, hanging
out with Morgan Freeman in Shawshank prison, or having a fist fight with
Bruce Willis in a Quentin Tarantino film.
Poop like you mean it. Don’t waste our time.
Harley Davidson mud flaps don’t belong on SUVs.
People born before 1970: When he died at the age of 35, Mozart had
written 41 symphonies, 27 piano concertos, 23 string quartets, 17 piano
sonatas, 7 major operas, and numerous works for voice and other
instruments making him one of the most influential and visionary figures in
music history. In your 35 years, what have you ever done that shaped an
art form? What have you ever done at all?
I think a kid named Richard Smack would learn to be really tough at a
really early age.
MTV’s Pimp My Ride should pimp out a hearse and then the owner can get
a license plate that says DTHPRTY.
What if Don King started sponsoring events other than boxing, like
basketball, or spelling bees, or sexual assault?
When you first saw the word “leper,” did you think that it was
pronounced with a long ‘e,’ like leaper? That was about as far from the truth
as you could have gotten, huh?
Did FDR have to roll for election?
Gay men think outside the box. Literally.
When you’re in the shower, have you ever squeezed something out of a
bottle onto your hands, like shampoo or facial cleanser or conditioner or
something, and you forgot what it was and ended up with KY jelly in
your hair?
Number 15 on George W. Bush’s “My Father’s Legacy” list: Vomit on the
leader of a foreign nation.
Greta Van Susteren’s jaw doesn’t move when she talks, like a South Park
character.
Now matter how hilarious a great inconvenience or hardship is, it
becomes exponentially more hilarious if it happens to a child who doesn’t
understand.
Anal bleeding. Let’s talk about it.
How can someplace that smells like an armpit be called the city of
love?
Why isn’t there a society that supports the ethical treatment of
plants? Is it because it’s the natural order of things for animals to eat
plants and people to eat animals? Or is it just because you can’t pet a
carrot?
I can’t even spell committment.
When doctors say, “You won’t feel a thing,” they’re usually lying.
However, if by ‘thing’ they mean that disembodied hand from The Addams
Family, that’s probably true in most cases.
Tim Smith is currently a music major at North Dakota State University. He is also the only white member of a household that includes an Asian, a Native American, and a Mexican. You can reach Tim at timothy.smith@ ndsu.edu.