The Question and Answer Page

"When was the last time Sneakers O'Toole took off his sneakers?"
Tim Smith, Fargo, ND

"I have no idea. Oh, and I hate you."
Christopher Hanson

"How many Priest solos can you typically handle before your face melts?"
Mike Vacha, Fargo, ND

"I'm not sure. I hate you, too."
Christopher Hanson

"What is a 'flyaway', as referred to on a bottle of Garnier Fructis Style Curl Scrunch Gel?"
Tim Smith, Fargo, ND

"Flyaway hair is caused when hair strands picks up positive charges and begin to repel from the rest of hair. This leads to hair strands that seem to fly away on their own, hence the name. Oh, and did I ever mention that I hate you?"
Christopher Hanson

"Did you know that Garnier Fructis Style Curl Scrunch Gel with fruit micro-waxes creates defined, volume-controlled curls for a lasting hold without frizz, flyaways, or flaky residue?"
Tim Smith, Fargo, ND

"That's exactly what their website states as well."
Christopher Hanson

"How does Garnier Fructis Style Curl Scrunch Gel work?"
Tim Smith, Fargo, ND

"Garnier Fructis Style Curl Scrunch Gel with fruit micro-waxes in a non-drying, nourishing formula containing curl binding agents and silicone to lock in shape and shine, leaving you with gorgeous defined curl control without the frizz. That's the answer to the 'how does it work' section on their website. Now, a question for you- why the hell are you asking questions about Garnier Fructis Style Curl Scrunch Gel anyhow?"
Christopher Hanson

"What's iodopropynyl butyl carbamate?"
Tim Smith, Fargo, ND

"It is a preservative used in skin care products and hair styling gels that has been suspected of elevating risks to human reproduction and development and has been linked to potential for reduced fertility or reduced chance for a healthy, full-term pregnancy."
Christopher Hanson

"What would you say will happen first: Ellen Cleghorne will find a suitable show to star in or you will update this site?"
Tim Smith, Fargo, ND

"I win- I updated the site."
Christopher Hanson

"How do i stop airlinecareer.com to stop sending mail to me?"
Anonymous

"I would imagine that if you are a paying member, you can call them or e-mail them, they'll stop bothering you. Go to the website- there are contact e-mails on there. If you're just an e-Zine member, you can probably unsubscribe to them. Usually at the bottom of their e-mails there are directions to unsubscribe."
Christopher Hanson

"I was listening to my iPod today and 'The Colonel Bogey March' started to play. I thought of you because I remember you saying that you hated that song. I don't think that's a question, but I thought that you'd like to know that. Also, how many surrealists does it take to change a light bulb? Fish."
Zach Steele, Fargo, ND

"I do dislike that march a lot. Now, my question is why do you have it on your iPod? Seriously..."
Christopher Hanson

"Why does Jesse Klimpel always buy Schlitz?"
Anonymous

"I didn't know that Jessy bought Schlizt, but it's not hard to believe. As for why he buys it...well, I suppose it's cheap and it does that all other beers do if you drink the entire case- it gets you rocked. Jessy likes to be drunk. I guess the math sort of does itself..."
Christopher Hanson

"So, what would you say is the over-under in Vegas for Tigers wins this season? I know it was originally 93, but do you think it has been adjusted to about eight or nine?"
Tim Smith, Fargo, ND

"Well, I don't know- I imagine you sent that question after they got off to an awful start. But, now they're on a three-game winning streak and looking like they're awake. I'd guess they're going to be a good team in the AL Central, and if I had to guess, they'll win at least 90 games."
Christopher Hanson

"Now that we're in agreement that the Beastie Boys are the best band in all of history, it's time that we show our pride. You can make your site into a Beastie Boys shrine, and I'll...buy a Beastie Boys t-shirt or something. Everyone at work already knows I think they're awesome. I mean, with songs like 'Brass Monkey' and 'Girls', how can you go wrong? By the way- Rena thinks they suck. Is that grounds for a divorce?"
Mike Vacha, Fargo, ND

"The Beastie Boys are a great band, though I wouldn't go so far as to say they're the best in all history. What I do like about them is there never-ending creativity not only in lyrics (as in lyrics that have the right amount of humor and accent points to always keep a person at least listening) but in their mostly original beats and riffs which are often played by them themselves. As for turning this site into a Beastie Boys shrine...well, that's not likely. If you're lucky, I'll do a tribute page someday, but that's as far as it's going (unless there's some money involved...) Now, as for Rena not digging the Beastie Boys, I guess that's her choice. I don't believe it's a wise one, but what can you do? Don't divorce her, though. You got a good one. Keep it."
Christopher Hanson

"Why do you only answer questions about bands that really, really, really suck?"
Tim Stine, Cincinatti Convervatory of Music- Cincinatti, OH

"They're the only questions that ever come into the site! My hands are tied..."
Christopher Hanson

"Is there such a thing as too much Beastie Boys?"
Mike Vacha, Fargo, ND

"Wow, a semi-intellegant question. The answer in my humble opinion is no- there can not be too much Beastie Boys. Now, I'm not rap fan or anything like that in general, but their usage of cool beats, sweet riffs, and attention-grabbing lyrics have always kept my attention. Everything they do is so catchy and poppy enough for me to follow. Not bad for a group of white dudes..."
Christopher Hanson

"What is the etymology of the word 'pwn'?"
Tim Smith, Fargo, ND

"According to Wikipedia, the word 'pwn' may have arisen and spread as a common typo of the word 'own' due to the proximity of the 'p' and 'o' keys on a standard English keyboard. Alternatively, the word 'pwnage' may have been created as a portmanteau of the words 'pure' and 'ownage', 'perfect' and 'ownage', or 'powerful' and 'ownage'. Similarly, 'pwn' may have derived from 'powerfully owned', such as you just got powerfully owned (shortened to you just got pwned).
Christopher Hanson

"Jessy and I noticed that before we started asking questions on here, there was a sad lack of stupidity. Now however, there is an overabudance. How can we get back on the right track?"
Tim Smith, Fargo, ND

"You are both to the point of no return, really. The best we can hope for is that you somehow blend into society much the way that sex offenders, murderers, drug dealers, psychopaths, and Charlie Sheen have done. Good luck, and stay away from my future children. However, do keep submitting stuff to this site. It's less work for me."
Christopher Hanson

"How many Ace Frehley solo bootlegs do you own?"
Jessy Klimpel, Fargo, ND

"None."
Christopher Hanson

"Who would you rather bone: Ace Frehley in Spaceman makeup, or Ace Frehley without makeup?"
Tim Smith, Fargo, ND

"I'll take a third choice- I want to be the guy who you beg mercy from as I point a gun at you and threaten to shoot you in the face for asking stupid questions. Can I be that guy? Can I please?"
Christopher Hanson

"Did you know that Ace Frehley's Grand Slam was supposed to be with sausage?"
Tim Smith, Fargo, ND

"I did not. Thank you."
Christopher Hanson

"Ace Frehley's cool, huh?"
Tim Smith, Fargo, ND

"Much cooler than you or Jessy, that's for sure. I mean, he might be a loser like you guys, but at least he's gone fortune and fame. Seriously- what have you two got?"
Christopher Hanson

"Which posted set list at kissfaq.com would you most like to hear at Ace Frehley's show?"
Tim Smith, Fargo, ND

"I'm partial to the 2003 World Domination Tour set list- it seems to have included my favorites in there."
Christopher Hanson

"Wouldn't it be cool if Ace Frehley drove a Delorian?"
Tim Smith, Fargo, ND

"Wouldn't it be cool if you died a long painful death?"
Christopher Hanson

"Who has been your favorite replacement for Ace Frehly in KISS?"
Tim Smith, Fargo, ND

"Tommy Thayer seems to be doing a good enough job from the newest live stuff I've heard."
Christopher Hanson

"Where are you planning to sit when Ace Frehly comes to Fargo?"
Tim Smith, Fargo, ND

"On Tuesday night, I sat in my chair while watching Gene Simmons Family Jewels."
Christopher Hanson

"So as you know I have a KISS-fanatic brother named Stony who is coming down to go to the Ace Frehley show with me. Stony commonly uses the alias 'Ace' as his middle name, although his auctual middle name is 'Lee'. He even goes as far as putting 'Stony Ace Klimpel' as his legal name on his KISS checkblanks. Have you ever thought about auctually legally changing your name to 'Ace (similar to McLovin' in Superbad) just to make my brother jealous?"
Jessy Klimpel, Fargo, ND

"No, I haven't, but I have thought about punching you in the face a couple thousand times or so."
Christopher Hanson

"So do you think the 'Space Ace' has any set-list surprises in store for his solo show here in Fargo?"
Jessy Klimpel, Fargo, ND

"Well, did he?"
Christopher Hanson

"In your interesting facts feature you say you want to be a lion-hearted pig because lions sometimes copulate fifty times a day and pigs orgasm for thirty minutes. However, assuming all orgasms are thirty minutes, you would only be able to copulated forty-eight times daily. And don't you think you'd get kind of dehydrated after a while?"
Tim Smith, Fargo, ND

"I suppose you're probably right."
Christopher Hanson

"What is your favorite Ace Frehley solo album? I have to say that I am a fan of 'Trouble Walking'."
Jessy Klimpel, Fargo, ND

"I think mine is an album called 'Who Gives a Rat's Ass'. Every heard of it?"
Christopher Hanson

"When was the last time you had third row tickets to an Ace Frehley solo show?"
Jessy Klimpel, Fargo, ND

"The last time I had third row tickets to an Ace Frehley solo show was right around the last time I had a threesome with two beautiful twenty-year old blonde sorority twin sisters in a hot tub on the top floor of the Bellagio in Vegas. So, I guess the answer is 'never'."
Christopher Hanson

"Since Ace Frehley is obviously the biggest act to come through Fargo this year, I was wondering when you were going to put up an Ace Frehley Tribute on your site?"
Jessy Klimpel, Fargo, ND

"Maybe I'll surprise you on your birthday."
Christopher Hanson

"Do male cheetah's have titties?"
Jessy Klimpel, Fargo, ND

"Yes."
Christopher Hanson

"What are are you top ten favorite bourbons?"
Tim Smith, Fargo, ND

"In no particular order: Knob Creek, Jim Beam, Jack Daniels, Makers Mark, Old Crow, Woodstone Creek, Old Oak, Heaven Hill, Kentucky Vintage, and Noah's Mill."
Christopher Hanson

"Would it make someone a dirtbag if they read a few select books of the Bible to learn enough to be able to hoodwink a pious co-worker into going on a date?"
Tim Smith, Fargo, ND

"What do you have to worry about? You're already a really bad person, so how is this going to make any difference whatsoever?"
Christopher Hanson

"I know Tom Brady is the classic pick for NFL MVP since he's a quarterback (or running back) and that he had a record setting season, but isn't Randy Moss more valuable than Brady? I'm not suggesting that Brady isn't important to his team, but I would guess that Manning, Favre, and possibly even Romo, Hasselbeck, or Brees would have lead New England to fourteen wins or more with their amazing line and maybe the best receiver ever. On the other hand, the Pats are probably an eleven or twelve win team without Moss there to create a constant headache for defensive coordinators. There is absolutely no receiver in the league who could have replaced Moss's presence. So do you think Brady is really the MVP or was chosen more because Moss has been kind of a sand-filled butt-hole for his whole career?"
Tim Smith, Fargo, ND

"You should work for ESPN. You're much better than John Clayton. Anyhow, I agree with you- Brady had all of the help in the world. But, he's considered the 'leader' of the Patriots offense, and that's just how it works. He's going to win it and that's it. What can we do about it?"
Christopher Hanson

"What are your nine favorite kinds of seafood?"
Tim Smith, Fargo, ND

"I'm a simple guy- I love shrimp. I don't care how it's prepared, I just love shrimp. Even on the worst buffet ever, if they have shrimp, I can make it work. As for the other eight favorites- I guess I could add cod, scallops, lobster, crab, gumbo, and oysters. Since I like sushi (imagine that), I can add tuna and squid."
Christopher Hanson

"It seems like you don't get a lot of questions any more. Is that because people hate you or because they hate me? Or do they hate Mikey?"
Tim Smith, Fargo, ND

"Yes."
Christopher Hanson

"Why do so many people ask you about laundry detergent? Are you some sort of expert?"
Tim Smith, Fargo, ND

"I am no expert- I have to research answers for those questions. As for why they ask those questions (and why the questions are from such anonymous sources), I have no idea. I answer them so that not every question is from you."
Christopher Hanson

"What does Mikey love the most: tundra swans, Judas Priest, Dragonforce, Spinal Tap, or Deloreans?"
Tim Smith, Fargo, ND

"I'm going to go with tundra swans. Now I'm going to find Mikey and punch him."
Christopher Hanson

"Why is your head so much bigger than Beseler's? Is it because you've been shooting up with The Rocket?"
Tim Smith, Fargo, ND

"Apparently I can't admit that I shot up with The Rocket since he's trying to play down the rumor. Besides, don't steroids make your head smaller?"
Christopher Hanson

"Who has the best Christmas album: Jethro Tull, Twisted Sister, Lynyrd Skynyrd, Barry Manilow, Chicago, Kenny G, or Moody Blues? Also, if Judas Priest released a Christmas album would it eclipse all these others as the greatest ever?"
Tim Smith, Fargo, ND

"Do all of those guys have Christmas albums? Well, I'll take your word for it. I would say that Kenny G has the greatest Christmas album after hearing about you actually spending money on that album just so that you could piss off Jessy. You get an 'A' for effort on that- spending money on props!"
Christopher Hanson

"Wouldn't it be cool if beer companies offered a six pack of forties as an alternative to the twenty pack?"
Tim Smith, Fargo, ND

"Only if they're forties of Camo. Tim Stine will agree."
Christopher Hanson

"Would you consider Tim Tebow a hotty-boom-body?"
Tim Smith, Fargo, ND

"Have you seen Tim Tebow's girlfriend? Now, that's a hotty-boom-body!"
Christopher Hanson

"If I wrote a song for Helena Handbasket called 'Tundra Swan', would you play it?"
Tim Smith, Fargo, ND

"I would ask you to stop sending me stupid-ass questions, but of course, you're the only person who sends questions, so I can't ask you to stop. Oh well..."
Christopher Hanson

"How does Judas Priest feel about warm soda? What about warm beer?"
Mike Vacha, Fargo, ND

"I feel like punching you in the face."
Christopher Hanson

"Why does the temperature of food matter so much (i.e. warm soda, and cold soup)?"
Erin Ott, Fargo, ND, NDSU- Fargo, ND

"The temperature of food often matters since certain raw ingrediants, mostly in the case of meat- can be pretty hazardous to your health. If food is precooked (such as pre-cooked meat or canned soup where meat is pre-cooked), you're probably alright to eat it when it's not warm. Leftovers can normally be eaten cold since they were cooked already, though warming it up may make it taste better. Soda can obviously be consumed warm, though it tastes better cold when attempting to quench your thirst. Am the only one who thinks this was an easy question to answer, or did I not read into this question they way you wanted me to? At least it wasn't a question about tundra swans or Judas Priest...)"
Christopher Hanson

"What are the names of the muppet characters to the left, who corresponds to who, and do you still hate me?"
James Prindiville, Minneapolis, MN

"Waldorf is on the left, and Statler is on the right. I'm not sure who corresponds to who exactly, but I'll go ahead and say that I'm Waldorf since I'm older than Beseler, and Waldorf looks older. Finally, no, I do not hate you, but I still like to call you 'Prickdiville' from time to time to keep the memory alive."
Christopher Hanson

"How would you go about escaping if you were being hunted by a tundra swan?"
Mike Vacha, Fargo, ND

"I want to throw you down a flight of stairs, Mike."
Christopher Hanson

"How many miles does the average tundra swan fly in a year? How many kilometers is that? And why would anyone actually use kilometers?"
Mike Vacha, Fargo, ND

"It is not known what the average distance a tundra swan flys in a year, though they do migrate an average of 4,200 miles (or 6759.244 kilometers). Kilometers is metric, so lots of people use that form of measurement. Oh, and I want to run you over several times, Mike."
Christopher Hanson

"How much easier would life be for tundra swans if they were able to operate heavy machinery? Would anyone hire them to build roads?"
Mike Vacha, Fargo, ND

"I'm going to petition Rena to remove the ban on me being able to hurt you. I think I have a pretty good argeument going here..."
Christopher Hanson

"How awesome would it be if a group of tundra swans got together to do an improv comedy act? And what would be a good name for this act?"
Mike Vacha, Fargo, ND

"It would probably be better than you and your strangely unfunny humor. You're dead."
Christopher Hanson

"Who would win in a fight: 23 blindfolded tundra swans or a drunken Wolverine from the X-Men?"
Mike Vacha, Fargo, ND

"Are you mentally disabled? Seriously, I'm curious. I'll go get you a parking pass..."
Christopher Hanson

"Do you know any good tundra swans to do my 2007 taxes? I'm having to actually claim all of my income this year, and I want to make sure the government doesn't get more than they're owed."
Mike Vacha, Fargo, ND

"Did you pay Rena to marry you? Perhaps you are constantly drugging her. Did you threaten bodily harm of some sort? I can't imagine her willingly marrying an idiot like you. Don't worry Rena- I will liberate you soon, and then we can have cute Asian babies who play saxophone and oboe that all our liberal friends will be jealous of..."
Christopher Hanson

"About which retarded subject would you rather answer questions: tundra swans, Dragonforce, Judas Priest, or Spinal Tap? Would the addition of a DeLorean to any of the above topics influence your decision?"
Mike Vacha, Fargo, ND

"You are the reason that serial killers get their starts. Sleep with one eye open tonight."
Christopher Hanson

"How happy are you that I'm asking questions about tundra swans?"
Mike Vacha, Fargo, ND

"Well, at the very least I know that at least one person is still looking at this site, so I guess it's not completely negative. Don't get me wrong- I'm still planning on attacking you and taking out a lot of stress on your face. But, nonetheless, I do appreciate your attention that you give to the site."
Christopher Hanson

"How many inches of rain does Illinois get in a year?"
Anonymous

"In the northern and central portions of Illinois, the average rainfall (including snow) is about 37 inches. In the southern portion of Illinois, the average rainfall (including snow) is about 46 inches. These figures are based on statistics compiled by the Illinois State Water Survey."
Christopher Hanson

"How can you cut a circle into sixteenths with exactly five cuts?"
Anonymous

"I'm no expert in this sort of thing, but I did consult Yahoo! for an answer. They say, 'You could cut three concentric circles into the main circle leaving you with four parts. Then cut the whole circle into quarters with another two cuts. You now have 16 parts.' Whatever that means- it sounds good to me."
Christopher Hanson

"After sending you a question, your advertising question engine redirects the user to a page about the Jass reading band. Is this due to your incompetence as a web designer (which is hard to believe since you're Asian), or a safeguard against people quickly sending masses of Judas Priest questions?"
Tim Smith, Fargo, ND

"Yes."
Christopher Hanson

"In your opionin, how many times has Patrick Swayze been screwed out of an Oscar?"
Tim Smith, Fargo, ND

"None since Patrick Swayze has never been nominated for one. He has been nominated for three Golden Globe Awards, though."
Christopher Hanson

"When was laundry detergent created?"
Sabrina Joseph, Atlanta, GA

"Procter and Gamble accidentally invented laundry detergent in 1879 when an employee at The White Soap left a soap mixer on over a lunch break."
Christopher Hanson

"If Joe Namath hadn't guaranteed victory against the colossus Baltimore Colts in Super Bowl III and then backed it up like a black girl in a 50 Cent video, would his numbers have been good enough to put him in Canton?"
Tim Smith, Fargo, ND

"Looking at his numbers, he had a pretty awful record as a starting quarterback, and his numbers were often a little more raw than they were impressive during his thirteen years in pro football. But, he did indeed guarantee the Super Bowl III victory, and that was impressive. It seems that aside from his drinking problems televised on live TV, people remember him best for his Super Bowl III boasting and his nickname, 'Broadway Joe'. Does Joe belong in the Hall of Fame? I think other football players who are not in there do deserve the honor more than Joe, but Namath was not a terrible player, and his feats in 1968 were pretty impressive indeed."
Christopher Hanson

"Do you really like Mike Lehmann?"
Anonymous

"Who sends these questions in? They confuse me. Anyhow, I don't know Mike Lehmann incredibly well aside from dealings when I was in college a few years ago. I presently have nothing against him and I wish no ill will upon him. I'm not sure what else I need to say to answer this question, but I guess I'll go with that. I've explained my thoughts and even conceded to being a little immature in past matters. Can we let this rest now?"
Christopher Hanson

"Who are your favorite drummers in Fargo?"
Anonymous

"In no particular order, I would say Dr. Allen Carter (energetic and creative big band drumming, and his charts don't hurt either), Nick Peterson (great time, takes care of the business in all settings, and not an attention hog), Russ Pfaff (my go-to for over five years whom I consider my most dependable counterpart in the rhythm section), Tom Christianson (not flashy, but always reliable with rock-solid time), and Dale Hieb (he's got rock and roll down to a tee). An honorary shout-out goes to Nate Fryett, who no longer resides in Fargo, but has been one of the finest drummers I've had the chance to work with from the old days of Jass when he was a high school senior to day in Fargo playing combo gigs with him."
Christopher Hanson

"How much longer will David Stern be the NBA commissioner? Business experts suggest that CEOs tend to start losing influence after five to seven years. Stern has been the commish for 23 years, but has been very effective throughout his tenure. His power seems to have waned in the last few years though, and the leauge hasn't completely recovered from the strike in 1998. Stern's popularity hit an all time low after he suspended Amare Stoudamire and Boris Diaw in the playoffs and now that Tim Donaghy has been implicated in a mafia gambling ring, it seems that the wounds will never heal. Do you think Stern can regain his throne? If not, will he realize it and move on or cling to the position while the NBA is knocked off the radar by MLS, NASCAR, and the PGA?"
Tim Smith, Fargo, ND

"I don't care much for the NBA and I really don't care much for David Stern, but really, all of the major sports are getting knocked around when it comes to controversy. All sorts of poo is being flung around, and I'm surprised taht David Stern hasn't quit yet. It would seem that he is trying to make points with his past couple of years worth of 'tough decisions', and to me, that is a sign that he is losing control of the operations and that he is clinging on to dear life as his choices are getting more and more unpopular. I think he will quit within the next year or so. However, I don't claim to know much about basketball and the NBA past watching the news and highlights on ESPN, so I may not be qualified to really answer this question."
Christopher Hanson

"What exactly is imitation crab made of?"
Anonymous

"Apparently it is normally made from Alaska Pollock. I found the answer online, and you can go here to learn more about how the magic happens!"
Christopher Hanson

"I saw the Wallace Hartley reunion. Where was Matt Darling, Aaron Dorheim, Dave Stordalen, or Corey Dosch, Matt Beumer or Ryan Walker? They started that band."
Anonymous

"I know the history of the band, and I was disappointed to not see most of the original members there, too. To say that I know all of the members is a lie. I know the bands history because I know Jesse Braunagel pretty well and because I am a member of the 188th Army Band, where most of these cats met. I have met both Schaan brothers several times, and I knew Matt Darling from being from Minot. Dave Stordalen is one of my best friends from serving with him in the regular Army and also in the National Guard. When I heard about the benefit show, I was told it was a Wallace Hartley and the Titanics reunion, though it ended up being a Test Site 67 show featuring some original WH members. Nonetheless, I live through Wallace Hartley and the Titanics' CD's. It is simply quality stuff, and no more needs to be said!"
Christopher Hanson

"Have you been to any dog fights lately (or cookouts since you're Asian)?"
Tim Smith, Fargo, ND

"I hate you."
Christopher Hanson

"How, exactly, did I get so lame?"
Tim Smith, Fargo, ND

"To be lame is to be crippled or physically disabled. I don't believe you are either. Therefor, technically, you are not lame."
Christopher Hanson

"My wife and I went to see Post traumatic Funk Syndrome in the Moorhead Park last week, and we really enjoyed all those songs that we danced to way back when. I also read your disclaimer that you didn't 'get into them' because 'I guess I just like a band that says and does stupid things on stage- which I consider stage presence' and that they are just (a) show band. Do you think that a more sophisticated audience likes to hear a band rip, or just do goofy things on stage?"
Bob S.

"First of all, it wasn't a 'disclaimer', it was an opinion on my prefrences, but that's cool. Upon reviewing what I wrote on my site, I did give much credit to PTFS for being a very good playing band (I agreed that they play well and that they have some of the finest top-call musicians from the FM area in their band). What I said is I like to see a good band that also entertains. That's what bar bands generally do. PTFS members will be quick to tell you that they would rather play a smoke-free show gig before they do a smoke-filled bar gig, anyhow. (Didn't Russ Peterson write a huge editorial on that?) Does PTFS have fun? Yeah, I know about half of the guys in the band, and yeah, they're having fun. Does their crowd like what they do? Absolutely, and that's cool, too. I didn't say that I want to see a band that only does goofy things on stage, I covered the good music and good playing part as well. What I'm trying to say is that I want to see an animated band that pulls the crowd in and keeps them on the floor by really communicating with them. It's what I was taught when I made my debut into bar band music back in the mid-90's. To really sum it up, though, is that what you called 'my disclaimer' was just my opinion and preferences, and I respect your opinion and preferences as well. We are free to to enjoy what music and bands we want to enjoy whenever we choose to, and in the end, I'm just happy that people like you and your wife are going out and hearing bands in the Fargo-Moorhead area in the first place and supporting what our local musicians do."
Christopher Hanson

"Who's your favorite pornstar?"
Tim Smith, Fargo, ND

"What's porn?"
Christopher Hanson

"How much is my semen worth? I was watching the TV show 'Dirty Jobs' on the Discovery Channel and saw Mike Rowe sell a small bag of horse semen for $25,000. Could this be my ticket to early retirement?"
John Rogstad, Fargo, ND

"Donor sperm generally sells for about $200-$600 per vial. There are sometimes extra costs for 'professional sperm' which may have come from a lawyer or a doctor. The shipping of sperm also carries a cost of sometimes as much as $100 for safe handling. Other extra costs include extra money for profiling and for picking your donor based on pictures and genetic details. As far as how much you would make for donating, it's not going to be enough for you retire. Generally, a male who donates healthy sperm will make about $45 for his efforts. Some centers will work out a contract deal where you can donate weekely and receive $150-$300 a week, but that's for multiple samples that are all deemed healthy. So, what I'm trying to say is that you shouldn't quit your day job."
Christopher Hanson

"In the Twisted Sister hit, 'Were Not Gonna Take It', what exactly is Twisted Sister not taking?"
Andy Schaff, Mandan, ND, NDSU- Fargo, ND

"It meant that I wasn't going to take any more 'Twisted Sister' questions."
Christopher Hanson

"At my place of employment, there was a young man named Dave who was in his early twenties. Most would describe him as attractive. During the last week of his tenure, one of the older women, maybe 45 or 50, commented that she would have to find new 'eye candy'. She and Dave clearly had a friendly if somewhat frivolous working relationship. Dave and all other witnesses took this as simply a cute, playful compliment. However, I couldn't help but think that if a 45-year-old man had referred to a 25-year-old girl as "eye candy," he would have been promptly fired and maybe even slapped with a lawsuit. Am I the only one who has this impression? If not, is there some rationale for this total inconsistency in society's view of sexual harassment?"
Tim Smith, Fargo, ND

"I totally agree with you. If we are in fact all on the same field and we are all in fact equal in our rights between male and female, the female should be reprimanded if reported for such behavior. I don't know if there's anything else that can be said in an arguement, as you seem to have made a good arguement in the first place."
Christopher Hanson

"While I agree that 'Full Metal Jacket' should probably be at the top of your latest top 10 list, I consider it a major error that 'The Blues Brothers' isn't listed. Did you forget about that particular movie or did you just really like 'Dirty Dancing' that much more?"
Russell Pfaff, Fargo, ND

"To be honest, I thought The Blues Brothers was made in the 70's, but after looking it up, it was indeed released in 1980. So, you're right- The Blues Brothers should've been in and Back to the Future, which was on the bubble at tenth, should've fallen off. In defence of Dirty Dancing, it was the first rated R movie I got to watch, and despite Patrick Swayze's presenece in the film, I still really liked that movie. Call me strange."
Christopher Hanson

"My wife and I attended an NDSU jazz concert in April 2006. Was that you playing the slide trombone?"
Bob S.

"I stand corrected and should clarify- I have not been a full-time student at NDSU since the end of the Spring 2005 semester, in which I went to part-time and less than part-time, and eventually to no longer being in school at all. During the 2005-2006 school year, I did not play in jazz band in the fall, but did return for one more semester the spring of 2006. That was the only ensemble I performed in that year. I have not returned since. I am now preparing to finish a degree online through the University of Mary in Business Management."
Christopher Hanson

"Chris, have you ever asked why you have not graduated, yet are still living the life of pretend college student?"
Anonymous

"First of all, let me ask you to define how I am living the life of a 'pretend college student'. I haven't been involved with anything at NDSU in over two years. I hold down a full-time job with the North Dakota Army National Guard, and have worked full-time for over four years. I perform professionally around the FM area. What about any of that makes me a 'pretend college student'? Is it because I like to go out and I enjoy adult beverages and such? Does not being in college mean that I should be a prude or a home-body of sorts? I know why I haven't graduated. I never had focus while I was in fact in college, and the bottom line is that school just wasn't for me in my opinion. I won't lie- I didn't work hard at it. I've never masked that aspect, and while I'm embarassed about it to a point, I am happy for many of the experiences that I had, and I am most happy about the friendships that I made while there. Personally, I will never forget those days. But, I have always admitted, especially since I quit school altogether, that I had a lack of focus, and if people think badly of me for it, I suppose that's their choice to do so. Lastly, I question as to why someone asks me such a question in the first place. You obviously don't know me as well as you might think, or at the best, you don't have me figured out like you think that you do. I challenge anyone to at least identify themselves if they want to ask a personal question about me. Hiding behind an anonymous name seems a little cowardly when you're asking for personal details about who I am, how I think, and how I have come to where I am now."
Christopher Hanson

"Did you know that Schleck Smorbrod is Norwegian for 'Shit Sandwich' which was one of the unreasonably negative reviews for the Tap classic Shark Sandwich?"
Tim Smith, Fargo, ND

"I hope you die in a horrific plane crash."
Christopher Hanson

"Did you know that Viv Savage died in a freak gas explosion while visiting the grave of Mick Shrimpton's younger brother Ric? (It turns out that Savage had secretly been a drummer as a child)."
Tim Smith, Fargo, ND

"You don't take a hint easily, do you? Please die. Thank you."
Christopher Hanson

"Did you know Dweezil Zappa contributed a solo for Diva Fever on Spinal Tap's 'Break Like the Wind'?"
Tim Smith, Fargo

"I'm loading my car with automatic weapsons."
Christopher Hanson

"Which unreleased Tap album (Flak Packet, Here's More Tap, and Lusty Lorry) would you most like to see in your personal collection?"
Tim Smith, Fargo, ND

"I'm purchasing additonal ammunition at this point."
Christopher Hanson

"Did you know 'Bone Farm' was the working title for the Tap classic 'Sex Farm'?"
Tim Smith, Fargo, ND

"Can someone else PLEASE start asking questions that I want to answer? I beg you, please help me before I go insane."
Christopher Hanson

"Did you know Primus bassist Les Claypool has a tattoo of legendary Tap bassist Derek Smalls on his left arm?"
Tim Smith, Fargo, ND

"As I understand it, that is not correct. Les has two tattoos. The first is a picture of Skeeter on his head, and the caption reads, 'Skeeters suck too'. On his right shoulder is The Cat in the Hat holding a plate of Green Eggs and Ham."
Christopher Hanson

"Did you know that Morty the Mime's catering company is called 'Shut Up and Eat'?"
Tim Smith, Fargo, ND

"I hate you so much."
Christopher Hanson

"Is there a difference between 'advisor' and 'adviser'? Besides the spelling, that is. Also, if you had just written that question yourself, would you have put the question mark inside or outside of the quotation marks?"
Mike Vacha, Fargo, ND

"The placement of the question mark is correct to answer your second question. As for your first question, there are two seperate and slightly different meanings for those two words. The word adviser means 'one who gives advise', which is pretty general. The word advisor means 'one that advises, such as a person or firm that offers official or professional advice to clients, or an educator who advises students in academic and personal matters'."
Christopher Hanson

"Hey Chris, Jessy bought a case of Hamm's beer. What do you intend to do about this?"
Tim Smith, Fargo, ND

"Jessy deserves to suffer for such an act, and I think all of his friends would agree. A public flogging is in order."
Christopher Hanson

"What is the minimum number of states that a candidate can win and still become president?"
Anonymous

"I answered this one a few years back. There are 538 possible electoral votes, so it takes 270 electoral votes to win the election for President of the United States. The smallest number of states you could win and take the majority of electoral votes is twelve (for a total of 284 votes, actually)- California, Florida, Georgia, Illinois, Michigan, New Jersey, New York, North Carolina, Ohio, Pennsylvania, Texas, and Virginia. It wouldn't matter what the results were in the other 38 states and DC."
Christopher Hanson

"I'm not dead, I've just been busy and at the Leadership Development Course (National Guard) the past two weeks...expect a big update by Wednesday, May 16th, I promise..."
Anonymous

"That's fair. I didn't keep up my end of that promise. I apologize. Things have been busy, and I'm not trying to make excuses, but I'm doing the best that I can. Please bear with me on this...
Christopher Hanson

“Did you know that ‘Jumbo Prawns’ was one of the numerous names considered by David St. Hubbins and Nigel Tufnel before they eventually settled on Spinal Tap?”
Tim Smith, Fargo, ND

“I didn’t, but thanks for informing me. I hate you.”
Christopher Hanson

“Jacob (Israel) had twelve sons: Reuben, Simeon, Levi, Judah, Issachar, and Zebulun with his first wife Leah; Joseph and Benjamin with his second wife Rachel; Dan and Naphtali with Rachel's handmaiden Bilhah; and Gad and Asher with Leah's handmaiden Zilpah. Later on, he ‘adopted’ Joseph's sons, Manasseh and Ephraim, as his own because Joseph was his favorite son. If we exclude Joseph from this list, Jacob had a total of thirteen sons, so why are the tribes of Israel considered to be twelve in number?”
Tim Smith, Fargo, ND

“The tribal arrangement in Israel was based on descent from the twelve sons of Jacob. These ‘twelve patriarchal families’ produced the ‘twelve tribes of Israel’. As you noted in your question, Jacob blessed Joseph’s two sons, Manasseh and Ephraim. Jacob then said, ‘Ephraim and Manasseh will become mine like Reuben and Simeon’, his actual sons (noted in your question as well and notated in the bible in the book of Genesis, 48:5, 13-20). When the various tribes received their land inheritance in the Promised Land, there was no ‘tribe of Joseph’. Instead, ‘the sons of Joseph’, Manasseh and Ephraim were counted as distinct tribes in Israel, thus actually giving thirteen tribes.”
Christopher Hanson

“What are the requirements to become a flight attendant?”
Anonymous

“People of any age can become a flight attendant, as most airlines have hired people as young as 18 and as old as 75. While there is no height or weight restrictions (as it could be considered discriminatory), airlines are simply looking for candidates to be proportional in their height and weight. A high school diploma or a GED is required to be a flight attendant though college experience is preferred, and with most airlines, there is a flight attendant school or course that must be completed to work for the airline. Customer service skills or experience are necessary when applying for a job as a flight attendant, as that is the name of the game in such a career field. It also doesn’t hurt to have a second language mastered, as this will help in being able to work international flights. For more tips or thoughts on this subject, you can go to http://www.AirlineCareer.com.”
Christopher Hanson

"What's your favorite team on the original NBA Jam for Super Nintendo or Sega Genesis?"
Tim Smith, Fargo, ND

"I used to use the Phoenix Suns all of the time. Back in the day when I was sort of interested in basketball (before there was ever an Asian playing, might I add), I rooted for Phoenix. I actually had a Phoenix Suns Starter jacket. Anyhow, all of the players on the Suns shot well from the three-point line, so I liked that team. Charles Barkley was not one of those players featured in the game, sadly. I wanted him there so that they could create a cheat code for which Barkley would perhaps kill a ref in the game for calling so many goaltending fouls."
Christopher Hanson

"'Rock Lobster' by The B-52's is the 146th best song ever according to Rolling Stone Magazine. Where does it rank on your list?"
Tim Smith, Fargo, ND

"Right in front of 'Through the Fire and Flames'..."
Christopher Hanson

"Did you know that Kazakhi scientist Dr. Yamak proved that a woman's brain is the same size as a squirrel's?"
Tim Smith, Fargo, ND

"I haven't seen 'Borat' yet, but judging from the previews, I totally understand why you would love that movie."
Christopher Hanson

"Who invented Tide laundry detergent?"
Bria Smith, Asheville, North Carolina

"Scientists at Proctor and Gamble came up with Tide in 1943. The big improvement was to make a detergent that could penetrate colors and take out deep grease stains. It was introduced in 1946 and immediately became the best selling laundry detergent. Tide has been continually improved ever since, having been changed and made better some 20 times in the first 21 years of being on the market. As far as I can see, no one person was credited with the creation of Tide."
Christopher Hanson

"I heard that some portions of the eastern United States received up to 11 feet of snow in one storm a couple of weeks ago. If a storm like that were to happen in the summer, how many inches of rain would that be?"
Mike Vacha, Fargo, ND

"It takes six and a quarter inches of snow to make one inch of rain. So, I suppose it's safe to say that 11 feet of snow is about 21 inches of rain."
Christopher Hanson

"How and why did people start calling toilets 'the john'?"
Mike Vacha, Fargo, ND

"Didn't you ever watch 'Robin Hood: Men in Tights'?"
Christopher Hanson

"How fine is the line between disco and funk? If it’s a very fine line, can I start interchanging the words? For example, could I say 'man it smells discoey in here!' or 'that was one discoey band' or 'lay down the boogey and play that discoey music ‘til you die'?"
Mike Vacha, Fargo, ND

"I actually feel that funk and disco are two completely different forms and styles of music. Funk is very complicated form of music that utilizes strange changes, perplexing rhythms, complicated melodies, and serious involvement of a well-trained rhythm section who have made the sixteenth-note their best friend. Disco is a four-on-the-floor beat with octave lines in the bass, clean guitar that is usually augmented by a wah-pedal, and sythesized or live strings to bring on the final touches of the true cheesiness that disco really is. So, there is no fine line, and you may not interchange these two words...EVER."
Christopher Hanson

"How come people get mad at me for asking stupid questions when I'm one of the few who actually sends them to you? Also, how come no one gets mad at Jessy for asking stupdid questions? Also, I purchased Dragonforce's 'Inhuman Rampage' and can burn it for you if you want."
Tim Smith, Fargo, ND

"They don't get mad at Jessy because unlike you, most other people like Jessy. But, since you offered to burn me a copy of Dragonforce, I'll like you...a little."
Christopher Hanson

"Why do Jessy and Tim ask DeLorean questions? Can I ask one?"
Mike Vacha, Fargo, ND

"Tim and Jessy each have an extra chromosome. That pretty much explains everything. And, yes, you may ask a DeLorean question since you apparently fall into the same catagory as those other two."
Christopher Hanson

"Is it legal to drink alcoholic beverages on national monuments, like Vince Vaughn in Wedding Crashers?"
Alex Shepard, Fargo, ND, NDSU- Fargo, ND

"If I remember correctly, you're thinking of the Lincoln Memorial. According to the Lincoln Memorial website, alcohol is not allowed on the property."
Christopher Hanson

"How much is 30% of ten million three hunderd thousand dollars?"
Kimber, Vernon, New Jersey

"Why do I feel like this is a trick question? Well, if it's not a trick question, I guess the answer is $3,090,000."
Christopher Hanson

"Roy Bivins sucks, huh?"
Tim Smith, Fargo, ND

"So it would seem, huh? Maybe we can do a poll on how much he sucks..."
Christopher Hanson

"How kick ass would it be if Dragonforce covered 'Ain't Talkin' about Love', by Van Halen?"
Justin Korbel, South Dakota State University- Brookings, SD

"Great- the disease is spreading. Is anyone ever going to ask a different queston? Well, anyhow, I suppose it would be interesting to see how the speed-freaks, Dragonforce, would cover that song. The possibilities are there..."
Christopher Hanson

"How fast is Dragonforce?"
Jessy Klimpel, Fargo, ND, NDSU- Fargo, ND

"Pretty fast, honestly. I mean, they do play 'speed metal' and all."
Christopher Hanson

"How cool would it be if Dragonforce made an album of Judas Priest and Spinal Tap covers?"
Tim Smith, Fargo, ND

"It wouldn't be cool at all, much like your funny excuse for a personality."
Christopher Hanson

"When can we expect to see a Dragonforce tribute page on your site?"
Jessy Klimpel, Fargo, ND, NDSU- Fargo, ND

"It's comparable to how long it's going to take for you to ever have sexual intercourse again. You do the math."
Christopher Hanson

"What would happen if Dragonforce drove a Delorian?"
Tim Smith, Fargo, ND

"Can you fit six guys into a Delorian?"
Christopher Hanson

"Why is Dragonforce so fast?"
Tim Smith, Fargo, ND

"It's comparable as to why you're so slow."
Christopher Hanson

"Where does Dragonforce's 2006 album 'Inhuman Rampage' rank in the all time metal album heirarchy?"
Jessy Klimpel, Fargo, ND, NDSU- Fargo, ND

"I won't lie to you- their music is actually really technically insane. I mean, I'm not going to run out and buy their album, but it's actually pretty interesting to listen to for more than fifteen minutes."
Christopher Hanson

"If you had a choice which would you choose, DragonForce or sex?"
Jessy Klimpel, Fargo, ND, NDSU- Fargo, ND

"Sex. That's a really dumb question. I would rather jump off a cliff than get one more stupid Dragonforce question from you two dumbasses, though. Just thought I would add that here."
Christopher Hanson

"Why do plastic Coors Lite pounders have caps that can be replaced? Do people actually save half a beer for later? What does Dragonforce think of this?"
Tim Smith, Fargo, ND

"Coors Lite sucks. So does Dragonforce, but not nearly as much as Tim Smith."
Christopher Hanson

"Has Patents considered covering 'Through the Fire and the Flames' by Dragonforce?"
Tim Smith, Fargo, ND

"You know, there's probably a good chance that Josh Maynard, our lead guitar player, might consider doing that if you suggest it to him. Of course, there's a fairly good chance that I might have to kill you if you ask him such a question."
Christopher Hanson

"Is it okay if we all start calling you Dragonforce?"
Tim Smith, Fargo, ND

"Only if it's ok if I start calling you a fat sheepdog, a bastard, and a general waste of space."
Christopher Hanson

"Have you ever Dragonforced?"
Tim Smith, Fargo, ND

"Have you ever been touched by a woman? The answer to these two questions is obviously the same- NO!"
Christopher Hanson

"If Dragonforce was a beer, what would it taste like?"
Tim Smith, Fargo, ND

"Ever drank Hamms before? I would predict it would taste an awful lot like that crap."
Christopher Hanson

"How long would it take for Dragonforce to melt your face off?"
Jessy Klimpel, Fargo, ND, NDSU- Fargo, ND

"About the same amount of time that it would take to kick your ass, and keep in mind, you have an awful lot of ass to cover."
Christopher Hanson

"Does 'Ass to Mouth' mean analingus or anal sex followed by oral sex?"
Tim Smith, Fargo, ND

"Ah, I see you also watched Clerks II. Good call. Anyhow, from the references in the movie, I would assume it would be analingus."
Christopher Hanson

"I was looking through some of your previous questions, and I noticed one where you state that '...Guitar Hero makes good musicians into blobs of waste...' My question is this: if I play Guitar Hero, but I was never a good musician, and I am a blob of waste, will playing guitar hero make me into a good musician? Or just a bigger blob of waste?"
Mike Vacha, Fargo, ND

"If my math serves me right (and I am Asian, so I assume that it does), it would simply make you a bigger blob of waste. I'll check my work and get back to you. Maybe I'll have Matt Chaussee look over it, too, just to be safe. I'll get back to you."
Christopher Hanson

"Am I really a dumbass?"
Tim Smith, Fargo, ND

"We'll let the polls decide."
Christopher Hanson

"Who's your all time favorite Spinal Tap drummer?"
Tim Smith, Fargo, ND

"Eric "Stumpy Joe" Childs, at least condering how he died."
Christopher Hanson

"Is there, or has there ever been, a single person on the planet or elsewhere that found financial auditing enjoyable?"
Tim Smith, Fargo, ND

"My cousin did it for a while, and while she enjoyed the money and travel, she hated the job. She's the only person I've ever known that had a job in such a field, so I guess from my limited knowledge, I would say that there has never been a single person on the planet that found that particular job enjoyable."
Christopher Hanson

"What if Spinal Tap drove a Delorian?"
Jessy Klimpel, Fargo, ND, NDSU- Fargo, ND

"Perhaps they would send themselves back in time, die, and never exist. Then, perhaps these two ass-clowns in Fargo would never have begun asking questions about Spinal Tap all of the time. Maybe Judas Priest should've all riden in a Delorian, too. Wait, you two morons already covered that question, too, a long time back. Let's take it a step further- I wish Spinal Tap, Judas Priest, Jessy Klimpel, and Tim Smith could get into one Delorian, head back in time, and never come back. Then, my life would be perfect. Get on it. You obviously have a lot of spare time on your hands."
Christopher Hanson

"Why do you consistently answer all the dumbass questions Tim Smith asks?"
Anonymous

"That's a good question. But, I guess the only reason I answer them is because he's one of the few who ever send questions in, so basically, Tim's questions make good filler material. Lorn know's Tim Smith isn't good for anything else."
Christopher Hanson

"Is Johnny Depp gay?"
Anonymous

"He is not gay as far as I know, though his wearing of massive makeup in the Pirates movies has made me question his sexuality. No, seriously, he is not gay despite his roles in many movies (such as in Ed). He has two children and has been with his current girlfriend (Vanessa Paradis) for some years. Until Mr. Depp comes out and says that he's gay, I will assume that he is 100% heterosexual."
Christopher Hanson

"Chris, Have you ever watched any Korean dramas? We have a Korean language station here, and their's a show set in ancient Korea with this guy that looks just you, only with long hair. Hilarious!"
Sean Solberg, Chicago, IL

"Send me titles. I'll check them out. I'll add more thoughts after viewing this long-haired Christopher Hanson look-alike."
Christopher Hanson

"What percentage of women masturbate?"
Anonymous

"We covered this question a few months back, and while there are no firm numbers on the issue, according to most polls, they claim that 35-40% of all women admit to doing so."
Christopher Hanson

"What is the determining factor in how a turkey tastes?"
Anonymous

"I enjoy all turkey generally, but when it comes to seperating out the best from the best, I look at how juicy and moist the turkey is and I also look for a good full flavor. That may seem generic, but I'm sure that's the answer most people would give."
Christopher Hanson

"Did you know that St. Hubbins was the patron saint of quality footwear?"
Jessy Klimpel, Fargo, ND, NDSU- Fargo, ND

"David St. Hubbins, the lead singer from Spinal Tap, I believe, is probably happy to be the bearer of such a name."
Christopher Hanson

"There seem to be two different camps in the issue of the liquid cocaine shot. One would argue that it requires Jagermeister, a very high proof liquor (Bacardi 151 or Everclear), and some other high proof liqueur such as Rumpleminze or Goldschlager. The other side would argue that it requires Southern Comfort, amaretto, and pineapple juice along with a bunch of other random ingredients. Please definitively settle this issue once and for all."
Tim Smith, Fargo, ND, NDSU- Fargo, ND

"I understand liquid cocaine to be your version- Jagermeister, 151, and Goldschlager. I've never seen it done any other way. So, I'll go with you on this one. If you're a little weary of going with my opinion, take it from me- I've drank an awful lot in my short life. If you know me, that should be enough."
Christopher Hanson

"What does it mean to 'prise the rent out of the local Hebrews'?"
Tim Smith, Fargo, ND, NDSU- Fargo, ND

"Ask Christopher Guest, not Christopher Hanson."
Christopher Hanson

"I'm not a Broncos fan and Jake Plummer sucks, why do I root for him? Is it his devil-may-care attitude? Is it the brotherhood of the beard? Help me understand my love for a mediocre quarterback."
Eric Solberg, Minneapolis, MN

"I wouldn't go so far as to say that Jake Plummer sucks. I would rather say that he's inconsistent. He has some really good games- such as three quarters of his season last year. Then, he has awful days against good and bad teams. But, I do see the connection as far as the beards go, you two could be best buddies. Let's face it, though, Jake may have some bad days, but he's a bad-ass guy who doesn't mind getting abrasive with other players (or people according to the newspapers). He can get things done when the elements are there and he's feeling comfortable. That's why I love him, and that's why you do (or should) love him as well."
Christopher Hanson

"Why don't you guys ever update? Is it because you've been poaching deer with an AK-47 assault rifle for the last three weeks?"
Tim Smith, Fargo, ND, NDSU- Fargo, ND

"It's funny that you mention that, because over at work, me and a co-worker were just talking about how much fun it might be to 'borrow' some of the weapons for a weekend from my workplace and go out and take out some wild animals (such as deer, considering it is the season) and such. Have you been spying on us? Anyhow, I'm updating right now, so shut up, Sheep Dog."
Christopher Hanson

"Why is it 'kosher' at a party for a girl to grab another girl's boobs, but it's not okay for one guy to lightly massage another guy's package through his pants?"
Anonymous

"It's just like the mystery of how many licks it takes to get to the center of a Tootsy-Pop. The world may never know. That, or I just don't care to think about your question. Well, it's probably a little bit of both..."
Christopher Hanson

"Who's going to win the midterm election: the Republicans, the Democrats, or me?"
Tim Smith, Fargo, ND, NDSU- Fargo, ND

"This would've been so much more fun to answer if I would've gotten to it before the elections."
Christopher Hanson

"Do you think it's strange that two grown men have a ritual of watching Spinal Tap before bed?"
Erin Ott, Casselton, ND, NDSU- Fargo, ND

"Considering that we both know this question is pertaining to- well...no. I bet they both still wet the bed, too, though..."
Christopher Hanson

"Where was Tide laundry detergent invented?"
Anonymous

"During World Wars I & II, an animal and vegetable fat shortage triggered the creation of detergent surfactants. Procter & Gamble invented Tide in 1943 right here in the good old USA."
Christopher Hanson

"Is there a chance that Patents Pending will play 'Treat Her Right', by Roy Head and the Traits, or a more recent arrangement from George Thorogood and the Destroyers?"
Andy Scaaf, Mandan, ND, NDSU- Fargo, ND

"I used to do that song in my miliary band in San Antonio- it's a really great song, and you can do some screaming in the tune. The horn parts are pretty easy to learn, and it's just an overall good song from the old-school. I'll see what I can do."
Christopher Hanson

"Could you tell a story about an experience that was so traumatically embarassing that you wouldn't even feel comfortable writing about it on this site?"
Anonymous

"I'm pretty open about everything I write on this site, so I guess I feel that I've written about most every embarasssing situation I've been in (over the last five years or so, anyhow). I know this isn't an answer to the question at all, but that's all I've got. The most embarassing thing I've done that I can think of was talking about an attractive girl and how attractive I thought she was in front of her boyfriend without knowing that he was just that- her boyfriend. I felt like such an idiot, although all involved did laugh, and I didn't get my ass kicked like I should've."
Christopher Hanson

"Where can I find the song 'Fifty Stars'?"
Anonymous

"Fifty Stars is not a song that I'm familiar with, nor could I find any information about a song with this title."
Christopher Hanson

"How much is an autographed baseball card of Matt Morris worth?"
Anonymous

"Autographed items don't have a firm price, which is why you usually find them being sold in online auctions and such. The price that these itms are sold at are based largely on their sentimental value to a dealer or a fan, and the values are based on personal attributes, making the values rangeable and negotiable. As far as going to a baseball card shop, most places don't deal in autographed cards, as there's not usually a way to authenticate such items."
Christopher Hanson

"Doesn't Andy Schaaf seem like a really cool and interesting person?"
Tim Smith, Fargo, ND, NDSU- Fargo, ND

"I think Andy is interesting, though I don't know him very well. I do know that he's a solid drummer. I also know that he renounced (or partialy renounced) his ties to UND, so more power to him for that at the very least. Oh, and Tim Smith is a sheepdog."
Christopher Hanson

"What made Lee decide to invade the north?"
Lizabeth, Springfield, IL, Carroll/Rosenwald School- Chicago, IL

"General Lee wanted to head north with the momentum that his army had after being victorious at the second battle of Bull Run just a week earlier. His army's morale was high and he wanted to head in there with his army's spirits at it's best. It was harvest season at the time, and the timing was perfect to attack in order to obtain supplies, clothing, and food. But, the biggest objective was to attack in the north and gain the attention of England and France, perhaps giving the south some momentum and support from Europe. I assume that you can understand how that fits into the whole Civil War if you understand the concept of the North vs. the south."
Christopher Hanson

"In the Judas Priest tune 'Living After Midnight', how much after midnight are they talking about? It's so non-specific it makes me slightly uneasy. Would the song be more effective if it were titled 12:04?"br> Andy Schaaf, Mandan, ND, NDSU- Fargo, ND

"You have effectively taken a step in the wrong direction in the joining of a bandwagon which I intend on destroying sometime in the near future. Congratulations on becoming a part of that. Write your will."
Christopher Hanson

"Why do you rag on that Mike Vacha guy once in awhile? I met him once and he seemed very articulate and intelligent. He was also sort of sexy."
Anonymous

"I don't really rag on him as much as I physically assault him by punching him and tossing him into lockers. I only keep doing that because he laughs when I do it, leaving with no other assumption except to think that he likes it. I like it too as it brings my stress down a notch or two."
Christopher Hanson

"Hi Chris! Will the 188th Army Band be in the Minot area anytime soon?"
Jennifer Melgaard, Minot, ND

"Afraid not, or at least not that I know of. I'm in charge of all of the operations and planning for the band here, and we've got nothing on the calendar. However, if I'm ever in Minot, or if you're ever in Fargo, we need to get together. Hope all is well with you and your family..."
Christopher Hanson

"What percentage of guys masturbate on a regular basis? How about girls? Why is that number so different?"
Anonymous

"Studies show that about 55% of adult males masterbate (80% of teenaged males masterbate), while 38% of adult females masterbate (59% of teenaged females masterbate). When you look at those numbers, there isn't a huge difference between the two. However, it is said that women masterbate less because of social norms that have been established. It's based on the norm that women who don’t express their sexuality and who don’t give in to many of their sexual needs are deemed as 'good' in our society. Also, there is a social norm that basically says that men have less self-control and are less responsible to control themselves and their actions."
Christopher Hanson

"Do you plan on going to the University of Minnesota vs NDSU game?"
Erin Ott, Casselton, ND, NDSU- Fargo, ND

"I'd love to, however, I'll be playing the NDSU Opera Theatre presentation of The Pirates of Penzance. I will watch it on TV, though."
Christopher Hanson

"Why do my chocolate chip cookies turn out like pancakes? They are delicious, but they look like crap. If you help me figure out this problem, I'll bake you a batch."
Erin Ott, Casselton, ND, NDSU- Fargo, ND

"I would need to know what you're putting into those cookies to tell you what the problem is. Dano and I used to make cookies...and cakes, too. We made them for all of the girls in the music department. But, that's off the topic. Tell me what you're putting into the cookies, and we'll go from there. And, yes, I would love a batch, pancake-like or not."
Christopher Hanson

"Can you provide me with six questions that could be used to survey student's satisfaction with prices, selection, and quality of food served in school cafeterias?"
Margie, Mt. Laurel, NJ

"How is the quality and taste of the food? Is there a good selection and variety of foods? How nutritious is the food that is served? Is the selection and quality of the food worth the dollar amount that you pay per meal? Are healthy choices or alternatives provided? Are meat-free, vegitarian, or vegan entrees provided to those who chose to dine on such meals?"
Christopher Hanson

"I am divorced and am living with my new partner. My children have access to their dad, but we want to move to Colchester. What rights does he have regarding access, as we have an order set up through the county court."
Amanda Hill, Amsterdam, Netherlands

"To be honest with you, I have no idea being that you're from another country, and I don't know how their law works. Furthermore, you want to move to the United Kingdon, out of your current country of the Netherlands. If you were in America, I would guess that you would need to go back to court and negotiate a new access agreement for your children and their father. I can assume that the seperation was peaceful and that the father has shown that he poses no threat to the children, therefor, he should still have the right to see his children. According to my research, Colchester is in the UK and is about 400 miles away. A new court order would have to be worked out. I would imagine that at issue would be your new partner (more so if it is a same-sex partner) and the fact that you're moving out of the country."
Christopher Hanson

"Can dolphins kill themselves?"
Justin, Unknown

"I would assume there's some way that they could considering that dolphins are some of the smartest animals in the world. As to how they would do such a thing, I have no idea, after all- I'm just a stupid human being."
Christopher Hanson

"Why does Nash Finch's Fargo Distribution Center insist on stacking their Angus Pride meat pallets so the labels are facing in, making it utterly impossible to determine what is in each box?"
Tim Smith, Fargo, ND, NDSU- Fargo, ND

"I don't know. Maybe Nash Finch hates you. Maybe this is God's way of telling you that you're a bad person. Maybe it's because Nash Finch's employees find it humerous to make others suffer...sort of like you."
Christopher Hanson

"How are your new shoes holding up? Were you satisfied with the level of customer service you were provided as well as the extreme studliness of the sales associate that helped you?"
Ben Cory, Fargo, ND, NDSU- Fargo, ND

"My new Doc's are holding up quite nicely, thank you very much. I was definately satisfied with the high level of customer service. The gentleman who helped me was friendly, helpful, and most of all, high in the stud catagory. I will shop for my shoes every day of the year and twice on Sunday at Tradehome at the West Acres Mall in Fargo, North Dakota."
Christopher Hanson

"Why does everyone think I don't have a soul?"
Tim Smith, Fargo, ND, NDSU- Fargo, ND

"Simple- because you don't."
Christopher Hanson

"What's your favorite Spinal Tap song?"
Tim Smith, Fargo, ND, NDSU- Fargo, ND

"Stonehenge. It's the only one I can honestly think of at this moment."
Christopher Hanson

"How much is a Roberto Clemente baseball card worth?"
Brandon, Unknown

"Well, on eBay, there are cards ranging from under $100 all the way up to $3500. Various baseball card shops list the 1955 Topps baseball card ranging from $1000 up to $3000. Other years are as low as $40 per card. What year, and what baseball card manufacturer it is makes a huge difference in the price of the card. The bottom line, though, as with any collectible, is that it is only worth what you can get someone to pay for it."
Aaron Beseler

"At my two jobs, it seems like everything is plastered with NSF. What does that mean?"
Alex Shepard, Fargo, ND, NDSU- Fargo, ND

"To answer that question accurately would require a knowledge of what exactly your job is. The initials "NSF" can stand for many different things. The first one that pops into my mind is "Non-sufficient funds" so if you work in any sort of banking or money-related job, that's probably it. It could mean "National Science Foundation" which is a foundation based out of Virginia that focuses on, well, science. The "National Sanitation Foundation" is concerned with public health and safety, so maybe that's it. Basically, I'm guessing most of the time those three initials refer to the financially-related terms."
Aaron Beseler

"How do birds get bald heads?"
Anonymous

"Condors and vultures are the most well-known of bald-headed birds. It's interesting to note and point out that Bald Eagles are not actually bald, they have white feathers on their head, the opposite color of the rest of the dark feathers on their bodies. Anyhow, in the case of vultures and condors, these birds are born with no hair on their heads. It is believed that the reason they have bald heads is to better facilitate their eating habits. With no hair on their heads (or in most cases, no hair on the heads of necks), it prevents rotting food from sticking to their bodies considering the style in which these birds hunt and eat."
Christopher Hanson

"If you were forced to group a bunch of music by genre, and one of the groups was Bela Fleck and the Flecktones, how would you classify them? I want to say jazz, but I don't know if it's that simple. Beseler thinks they could be funk. Help!"
Mike Vacha, Fargo, ND, NDSU- Fargo, ND

"I would probably disagree with both of you. I definately don't think Bela Fleck could be classified as straight-up jazz. Also, while Victor Wooten is one of the funkiest bass players currently in the world, I don't think the band could be classified as complete funk. I would think they could fall into the new-age catagory of current music, flavored with influences of bluegrass, pop, funk, rock, and jazz. I guess that might be a little broad, but their music covers a lot of bases, and we can't leave the numerous sounds out."
Christopher Hanson

"In refrence to your top ten list ballads, how come 'Open Arms' by Journey isn't on there. I think that many people would agree with me that that is the quintecential power ballad, and probably the best one of all time if you ask me."
Erin Ott, Casselton, ND, NDSU- Fargo, ND

"To each their own opinions, I guess. While I do enjoy this particular song, it just doesn't quite crack my top ten, I guess."
Christopher Hanson

"Why do Canadians like The Guess Who more than Rush?"
Anonymous

"Can you prove that Canadians like The Guess Who more than Rush? Was there some sort of survey somewhere, or is it just a generalization? I'm not a huge fan of Rush to be honest with you, but then again, I'm not a big fan of The Guess Who, either. Rush's The Spirit of Radio and The Guess Who's America Woman are amoung what I consider two of the most annoying and overplayed songs ever. I guess if I had to choose which band I liked better, I would go with Rush, and with that said, I have no idea why Candaians enjoy The Guess Who so much more. (Insta-fact...The Guess Who are from Winnipeg...)"
Christopher Hanson

"If you are cold-blooded, do you feel temperature?"
Erin Ott, Casselton, ND, NDSU- Fargo, ND

"Of course they feel temperature, how else would they tell if they were too hot or too cold within their environments? Being cold-blooded means that these particula animals do not have an internal mechanism for regulating body temperature, and must adapt accordingly."
Christopher Hanson

"What is your top ten favorite ballads by heavy metal bands?"
Anonymous

"See the new top ten from me, your answers will appear there."
Christopher Hanson

"What's the best way to dry out a turd so it doesn't easily crumble for purposes of practical joking?"
Tim Smith, Fargo, ND, NDSU- Fargo, ND

"If you leave it in the sun for a day or two, that should do the job, though I wonder if you really want to dry out a turd if you want to use it for a practical joke. Wouldn't you want it to be a little bit wet? Just my preference."
Christopher Hanson

"Do you think the U.S. Constitution needs an amendment to ban gay marriage?"
Alex Shepard, Fargo, ND, NDSU- Fargo, ND

"No, I do not believe we need an amendment to ban gay marriage. I carry a strong belief that religion should not dictate law, and simply put, it's the Christian right that is sobbing and whining about the possibility of allowing homosexuals to join into a union or a marriage. The 'sanctity of marriage' and the 'sanctity of the family' has been blown up and overused by all Christian conservatives, and I for one am tired of hearing it. I saw an article in Time magazine that asked a really good question- what exactly are gays threatening in the first place? The argument that 'activist judges' are changing things doesn't cut it for me- George Bush has nominated and put into the Supreme Court some of the most conservative judges out there. And as for the sanctity of marriage and family- take a look at the divorce rates out there. If anything, gay marriages might actually help that percentage, but that's neither here nor there. I'm tired of people, mainly conservatives, quoting the bible (Lev. 18:22, 'You shall not lie with a male as one lies with a female, it is an abomination') and using it as a way to change law and restrict the lives of a portion of our population. That's their religious beliefs which are bring used to dictate law, and in my opinion, that's illogical and even unconstitutional in some ways. Everyone is allowed to have an opinion, though, and that's mine."
Christopher Hanson

"Why is your voicemail so f!*king depressing? It makes me want to shoot myself in the face with a bazooka. My guess is you had just listened to Lionel Richie's 'Goodbye'..."
Ben Cory, Fargo, ND, NDSU- Fargo, ND

"I have listened to that song a lot in my life, and I am a sad person in a lot of ways, and I guess if you were to simply consider those two thoughts, yeah, my phone message is pretty depressing. It might be interesting to know that I also never smile in ID photos and I never stay sober at weddings, which are supposed to be some of the happiest celebrations ever. I should seek therapy..."
Christopher Hanson

"If a business's sole operation was buying, scratching, and redeeming one-dollar lottery tickets, what would be the appropriate treatment of tickets yet unscratched at the end of the period in terms of financial statement preparation? Since the odds of winning are only about one in four, it seems that it would be unsuitable to record them as assets at cost since that would violate the fundamental accounting principals of conservative reporting. On the other hand, if the tickets were recorded at their average market value, 25 to 30 cents each, would the 70 to 75 cent loss be accounted for as a prepaid operating expense or a loss on inventory? Along those lines, it may not be fitting to treat the tickets as assets at all since by their very nature they instantly lose, retain, or gain in value following their initial use and have no useful life after that. Obviously, this fact would make them virtually impossible to depreciate, which furthers the case against their treatment as assets. Perhaps the best solution would be to treat each dollar spent on a ticket as an operating expense and the 25 to 30 cent average redemption value as sales revenue. However, I am no accountant and I know how you Asian guys are great with numbers, so I'll leave it up to you to determine the proper actions to take in this case."
Tim Smith, Fargo, ND, NDSU- Fargo, ND

"You know that I can not answer this question. You know that I'm bad at math and I'm bad with numbers. You know that I dislike you. You know that I enjoy red meat. You know that I watch a lot of football and NASCAR. You know that you're eating two ham and cheddar sandwiches as I write this. You know that I think you're always going to be a bad person. You know that I think you look like a sheepdog. You know that I think Barry Bonds used steroids, although most of America agrees. You know that you're going to hell, don't you? I'm getting tired of typing about nothing. In summary, you're a fat, mean, unpopular sheepdog-looking person who is going to hell. Oh, and I'm looking forward to your next question."
Christopher Hanson

"Why do Ewoks look like George Clinton?"
Anonymous

Ewok

George Clinton

"I never thought about it. I have no explination. They do sort of look the same, I guess. Strange. I don't know. What can I say. I'm speechless."
Christopher Hanson

"Can you ignite paper in the microwave?"
Anonymous

"No, not as far as I know. If there was metal in there with the paper, then I would believe it's possible. I really don't know for sure. I looked on the internet, and found nothing that could lead me to believe that the paper could light on fire or not. I guess the short of the long is that I really don't know, and I can't find anything that would tell me otherwise. Note: I got D's in all science classes."
Christopher Hanson

"Yay cats! I mean...yay cats? I might still be drunk from last night?"
Russell Pfaff, Fargo, ND

"Cats are cool, especially Tanner. Yay cats, yes, as long as they're fun and have personality. And, yes, I do believe that you might be drunk from last night."
Christopher Hanson

"What time is it?"
Eddie Schwind, Fargo, ND, NDSU- Fargo, ND

"The current time as I write this answer is 9:52pm EST. The time you wrote the question was 2:08pm CST."
Christopher Hanson

"I'm trying to get in touch with Eddie Schwind. We're old friends (I tutored him in delinquency). Do you have an e-mail address for him? Or, in the event that you're suspicious of my spaming intentions, pass along my e-mail to him along with this message: 'How the hell are ya, f&%$er!' Thank you."
Kristina, Portland, OR

"You sound very much like someone who knows Eddie. As a matter of fact, I feel like I know you very well already. I'll pass it along."
Christopher Hanson

"Solve this one for us- we were talking about it at lunch today and couldn't come up with a good answer- How do male birds fertilize the eggs to make baby birds?"
Jen Fluhrer, Minneapolis, MN

"From what I can see and read, birds have sex to reproduce like other animals, though it's nothing really special- it apparently takes seconds, then it's done. It's not done while flying (which some people seem to think happens a lot), it's done while on the ground. There is a courting period involved to find a mate, and while often a female bird has a new mate each year, in some cases, female birds find their old mates the following years. That's about all I know, or at least all I want to know..."
Christopher Hanson

"Chris, do you ever tire of being a douchebag?"
Anonymous

"I apparently never tire of being a douchebag. And, who the hell do I know in Middletown, New Jersey?"
Christopher Hanson

"How do the touchpads on our laptops work?"
Erin Ott, Fargo, ND, NDSU- Fargo, ND

"They don't. I use a wireless mouse."
Christopher Hanson

"Why is underage drinking such a heinous, unreconcilable criminal act in this country?"
Tim Smith, Fargo, ND, NDSU- Fargo, ND

"Because Chris Magnus thought it was, and Keith Ternes shares the belief. Well, that at least covers Fargo. Of all the places I've ever lived, Fargo is the one city that has produced actual missions to seek out and find underage drinking (i.e. The Party Patrol). I can't speak for the rest of the country, but I guess underage drinking is one of the crimes that the police around here have gotten good at catching, and if it can be construed as 'good numbers', why would they step off of that success. Besides, what else aside from DUI's and traffic violations are the Fargo police really catching in an area where crime is not running astray? There's really arguement overall anymore, though, since the police and other hard-asses can always fall back on the fact that underage drinking is in fact 'against the law'. We should all move to Europe."
Christopher Hanson

"Don't you think that the Burger King 'King' looks just like George W. Bush? I think so. Speaking of the 'King', do you have dreams of having him bring you a meat-normous omelette sandwich in the morning through your window? I think that would be pretty cool."
Erin Ott, Fargo, ND, NDSU- Fargo, ND

"I can't honestly say that I think President Bush and the Burger 'King' look much alike, but I can say that I dislike them both just about equally. They're both annoying, they're both on TV too much, people like both of them too much, and I want them both to go away for a while, if not forever. As for your second question, I admit that I love the meat-normous omelette sandwich very much, but for the 'King' to bring it to me through my window- well, that would just be much too creepy, and plus, if ANYONE is breaking into my house while I'm asleep, he or she is probably going to get an ass-whooping from me. I hate the Burger 'King', and if he's anywhere near me, he's a dead man. End of story."
Christopher Hanson

"They just hired someone at my work who is 15 years old. That is 5 years younger then me. Do I need to quit and find a job where everyone is older than me? I don't like being the oldest employee at my work...I feel old...tell me I'm not old..."
Shantel Roll, Dickinson, ND, NDSU- Fargo, ND

"This all depends. Where do you work and what do you do there? Have you worked there for a long time? Are you high on the ranking laddar, and are you in charge of anyone? I guess if you like your job, you should keep it regardless of how much older you might be than most of the other workers. And, no, dear- you are not old. I am old. When your knees start to hurt when the seasons change and when bad weather is coming, then you know you're getting older. Have a good summer!"
Christopher Hanson

"Will I ever see you again?"
Ron Storhaug, Bismarck, ND, NDSU- Fargo, ND

"Yes, and sooner than you think, might I add. Have fun in the Bizzo..."
Christopher Hanson

"When are you going to update? Jeez..."
Ben Cory, Fargo, ND, NDSU- Fargo, ND

"Are you still alive?"
Ron Storhaug, Bismarck, ND, NDSU- Fargo, ND

"Right now, gentlemen, I am updating, which also proves that I am indeed alive. Relax, folks, I'm still kicking..."
Christopher Hanson

"Why does Jessy ask so many 'Judas Priest' questions over and over and over again?"
Alex Shepard, Fargo, ND, NDSU- Fargo, ND

"To be completely accurate, it's not just Jessy asking the stupid Priest questions, it's also Tim Smith, along with the occasional shout-out from Mike Vacha. Jessy actually likes Judas Priest, which I've never quite figured out. Tim is just trying to be irritating, which he's extremely good at (along with being a fat sheepdog, mind you). Mike is just Mike. Anyhow, the only reason Jessy asks so many questions is because he knows I don't really like Judas Priest that much. For the record, the only two Priest tunes I sort of enjoy include Living After Midnight and Parental Guidance."
Christopher Hanson

"Why the f&#k did I graduate?"
Matthew Drucker, Segou, Mali (somewhere in Africa)

"I don't know, but all of the incoming freshmen girls for the next five-ten years are thankful."
Christopher Hanson

"Does Judas Priest eat fish?"
Tim Smith, Fargo, ND, NDSU- Fargo, ND

"Sure. I believe his favorite kind is an extremely rare fish called 'suckfish', which you apparently eat a large quantity of as well..."
Christopher Hanson

"Does Priest sleep?"
Tim Smith, Fargo, ND, NDSU- Fargo, ND

"Unfortunately, yes. According to tests on lab rats, they survived three weeks without any sleep before finally dying. It would be a terrible fate for Judas Priest to succumb to this sort of thing. (I'm rolling my eyes right now...)"
Christopher Hanson

"Will Priest be playing at Jass this year?"
Tim Smith, Fargo, ND, NDSU- Fargo, ND

"No. Not this year. Not next year. Not ever. Tim Smith is fat."
Christopher Hanson

"What Priest performance has most impacted human history?"
Tim Smith, Fargo, ND, NDSU- Fargo, ND

"Priest has not yet performed it's greatest show, but when they do, I'll let you know. I can assume that their last show will have a huge impact on all humans since there will no longer be any awful butt rock littering our airwaves ever again. I certainly hope that day will be soon..."
Christopher Hanson

"When is the next stop on your bar tour gonna be?"
Alex Shepard, Fargo, ND, NDSU- Fargo, ND

"Russ and I have decided to halt the tour for now. We're not going to be able to complete the tour due to work, time, and funds. We'll get back it sometime soon..."
Christopher Hanson

"What is Jesse Klimpel's favorite type of Schnitzel?"
Ron Storhaug, Bismarck, ND, NDSU- Fargo, ND

"The type that you can eat. Actually, I'd go even further- the type that one can digest."
Christopher Hanson

" What kind of shampoo do you think Halford uses? Or does he use shampoo at all?"
Jessy Klimpel, Fargo, ND, NDSU- Fargo, ND

"Halford is bald, isn't he? Well, it's still a good idea to use shampoo since soap on your bald head will dry up your scalp. Head and Shoulders, or any other anti-flaking shampoos would work well."
Christopher Hanson

"If 'Priest' drove a submarine, what would they name it?"
Jessy Klimpel, Fargo, ND, NDSU- Fargo, ND

"The USS I Play in an Awful Band."
Christopher Hanson

"What does 'Priest' eat for a midnight snack, (and no you can't turn this into a Fat Jessy joke)?"
Jessy Klimpel, Fargo, ND, NDSU- Fargo, ND

"Who cares? Judas Priest sucks."
Christopher Hanson

"When is Patents Pending going to try and get the opening gig for Priest?"
Jessy Klimpel, Fargo, ND, NDSU- Fargo, ND

"Never. Oh, and you're fired from Patents Pending."
Christopher Hanson

"Do fish sleep?"
Jessy Klimpel, Fargo, ND, NDSU- Fargo, ND

"Most all fish spend time in an energy-saving state that can be called 'rest', and we might even call their behavior 'sleep', though it is probably different than 'sleep' in most land animals. Many fish, like bass and perch, rest on or under logs at night. Coral reef fish active in the day, hide and rest in crevices and cracks in the reef to avoid being eaten at night. The resting behavior of fish is very different from their behavior the rest of the day. Many minnows, for example, which are very active in schools during the day, scatter and remain motionless in shallow water at night. Many fish 'rest' or 'sleep' during the day and are active at night instead, but almost all fish sleep. There are some animals that never stop swimming, like many species of shark. However, they have to keep moving to push water through their mouths in order to breathe, and they may somehow still sleep while moving."
Christopher Hanson

"Do you think the members of 'Priest' participate in riveting games of Guitar Hero?"
Jessy Klimpel, Fargo, ND, NDSU- Fargo, ND

"In keeping with my theory that Guitar Hero makes good musicians into blobs of waste, I'm sure the members play hours and hours of Guitar Hero on the bus and on their free moments during a tour."
Christopher Hanson

"When I ask for water at a fast food restaurant, why do I get a smaller and possibly substandard cup than I would if I had ordered a pop? Is water not good enough for the bigger cup? If it is a matter of cost, it still makes no sense. Most places have self-serve pop fountains and I could steal the carbonated beverage with my inferior cup anyway."
Ben Cory, Fargo, ND, NDSU- Fargo, ND

"Guess what, Ben- often if you ask for a normal-sized cup, they'll give it to you. Now, quit being a bitch (and I mean that in the nicest way possible). That is all."
Christopher Hanson

"When are you going to post those damned pictures?"
Ron Storhaug, Bismarck, ND, NDSU- Fargo, ND

"And by damned pictures, you probably mean the jazz tour pictures. They're up, now. Oh, and thanks for coming by on Friday...oh, wait. You didn't come by. I know where I stand..."
Christopher Hanson

"Suppose a test allows a student to pick which questions to answer. In how many different ways can a student choose a set of 8 questions to answer out a group of 10 questions?"
Anonymous

"According to Eddie Schwind, the answer is 45."
Christopher Hanson

"Often, I am able to associate the colour of an object to its taste. Is it really possible to 'taste' colours (eg. pink and cotton candy goodness)?"
Jenny Thompson, Fargo, ND, NDSU- Fargo, ND

"I don't think it's possible to taste colors (or colours for that matter). There are millions of tastes for all colors for the most part. I believe that it is indeed an association trait of sorts, as you basically stated in your question."
Christopher Hanson

"Can you help me look up the hypothesis of thumb wrestling?"
Tanisha

"A hypothesis is a suggested explanation of a phenomenon or reasoned proposal suggesting a possible correlation between multiple phenomena. I'm not so sure thumb wrestling is a phenomenon of any sort. Now, if you were trying to prove that thumb wrestling has some sort of strange effect on a person or an object, we might be able to propose some sort of a hypothesis."
Christopher Hanson

"What has been your favorite bar so far on your bar tour?"
Alex Shepard, Fargo, ND, NDSU- Fargo, ND

"I must admit that I enjoy all of the bars we've visited, although due to schedules and what not, Russ and I are pretty sure we're not even going to get close to completing the tour. We might extend the time a little, and just go until we finish the tour, but I guess this isn't answering your question at all. My favorite bar, hands down, is probably Lauerman's. We've been hanging out there for a long time, and it just feels like home when we're there. We know all of te servers and bartenders there. The scooners are the coolest glasses to drink beer out of. They have darts and pinball. The list goes on and on."
Christopher Hanson

"Could you please tell me if the post office on Delmar Clemente is closed on Friday, the 14th."
Anonymous, San Clemente, CA

"I guess it's a little late for me to be answering this, but the post office should've been open on Good Friday. The only holidays the post office is closed are: New Years, MLK Jr. Day, President's Day, Memorial Day, 4th of July, Labor Day, Columbus Day, Veterans Day, Thanksgiving, and Christmas."
Christopher Hanson

"Where is my bike rack? Over..."
Russell Pfaff, Fargo, ND

"At Al's place or in Colorado. Out..."
Christopher Hanson

"Chris, if I started a collection of Beseler's horrible deaths (in flash format), would you post them on your site - in the same manner, say, Tim Smith has his opinions on there?"
Mike Vacha, Fargo, ND, NDSU- Fargo, ND

"We would need to discuss the term, but I think we might be able to make the arrangements..."
Christopher Hanson

"Whats with you giving the 'o-face' in the picture of the 'football bat'? Is this a new game you guys came up with? Perhaps you could use the phrase 'throw the D home' in it..."
Ben Cory, Fargo, ND, NDSU- Fargo, ND

"Perhaps. It's been a long time since I've done that, perhaps you're right- it is time."
Christopher Hanson

"Is it just me, or does Chris kind of look like a tundra swan?"
Tim Smith, NDSU, Fargo, ND

"Well, Tim, I was going to do an in-depth analysis of facial characteristics and such, but I thought, 'A picture is worth a thousand words' right?"

VS
Tundra Swan                                             Chris Hanson

"I'll just leave it up to you to decide......"
Aaron Beseler

"What is your favorite winds or concert band piece ever written? What about your favorite choral piece?"
Anonymous

"As far as a instrumental goes in the world in the concert bands, I guess I've always maintained that Elegy for a Young American, by Lo Presti is my favorite. The emotion generated from that piece is amazing. (Just in case you didn't know, it's a tone poem that was penned after JFK's death...) As for choral, it's a toss-up between Lauridsen's O Magnum Mysterium and Rene Clausen's Peace I Leave With You."
Christopher Hanson

"Who shot J.R. on Dallas, anyhow?"
Anonymous

"Kristin, J.R.'s sister-in-law."
Christopher Hanson

"So I keep hearing that Natasha Bedingfield song 'Unwritten'. Most of the lyrics sound pretty poetic and flow together, but what the hell is a 'dirty window'? Sounds obscene if you ask me...or am I looking to much into this?"
Ben Cory, Fargo, ND, NDSU- Fargo, ND

"The lyrics are fairly poetic as you reported and the song dues indeed flow, I can agree with you on these things. However, I think you are indeed looking too much into things when it comes to the 'dirty window'. I probably would have done the same as well. Also, remember not to confuse 'the dirty window' with 'the dirty licker'..."
Christopher Hanson

"Tim Stine must really love you to know 87% about everything that's ever happened to you..."
Anonymous

"Apparently so."
Christopher Hanson

"Hey Beseler, why does Chris hate tundra swans so much?"
Tim Smith, Fargo, ND, NDSU- Fargo, ND

"Well, Tim, I can only conclude that Chris' dislike of tundra swans stems from a lack of information. I mean, after all, how could someone not appreciate a bird whose wings make a loud whistling sound while flying, as is the case with the whistling swan, one of the two species that are commonly classified as 'tundra' swans. The other species, the Bewick's swan, pairs with a mate for life and is often joined by their previous offspring in a sort of 'family reunion.' The whistling swan also has a soft slightly brassy call. Another impressive fact is that they can fly at altitudes of up to 27,000 feet...that's flippin' high! With all those impressive traits, how could someone not like tundra swans? I don't know...maybe it's because the swans are excellent swimmers and Chris is afraid of water? Or maybe it's just because he doesn't like webbed feet. Weird."
Aaron Beseler

"When can I expect Patents Pending to include a cover of Rascall Flatts' 'These Days' to their repertoire? If it is included, can I sing? If not sing, can I stand on stage and do all the actions you and I skillfully invented?"
Ben Cory, Fargo, ND, NDSU- Fargo, ND

"I have my doubts that we would ever add that song to the list, though I do love that song. I love the dance even more. Perhaps we could do that dance sometime during a break, I can put it on the break disc. Or, maybe we can go to the OB and dance to it. We'd pick up all the chicks. Yeah..."
Christopher Hanson

"With reference to competitive markets, explain the concept of economic equilibrium."
Rob, Ireland, Open University

"I can't lie to you- I don't really know much about this, and I wouldn't know where to start with researching an answer for a question like this. I do know that economic equilibrium can be defined as a concept where what a business, company, or market buys is exactly what the demand for the product is, in essance, breaking even. You can click here to read a little more about it. I can understand the idea of economic equilibrium at face value, but the application of it to the topic of competitive markets- well, I simply have no idea. Rob- 1. Chris- 0."
Christopher Hanson

"What is your favorite day of the week, and why?"
Alex Shepard, Fargo, ND, NDSU- Fargo, ND

"Any day that ends in 'day' since I can drink any 'day' of the week. No, just kidding...I think. Seriously, Sunday is probably my favorite day of the week since it's the best chance for me to not have anything going on and it's the best chance for me to actually rest up. I guess that's perfect since Monday is back to work and more."
Christopher Hanson

"What Judas Priest songs most focus one's chi when hunting tundra swans?"
Tim Smith, Fargo, ND, NDSU- Fargo, ND

"How about All Guns Blazing? Perhaps Dead Meat? Maybe even Killing Machine. You know- good wholesome music that the whole family can enjoy."
Christopher Hanson

"Do you think our nation will take military action into Iran too? If so, when? How many other nations will we invade before Bush is out of office?"
Alex Shepard, Fargo, ND, NDSU- Fargo, ND

"I'm not sure how much you follow politics, but you may have heard of the National Security Strategy, which President Bush released just a few days ago. If you read through it, I think it pretty much tells us that he will indeed pursue military action against Iran. I have no idea when, but I guess it would be after the referals run their course in the U.N. As for how many other nations, Bush's NSS had some pretty sharp words for North Korea, China, and Russia. However, I would assume that none of these countries are on the war agenda. I do believe that Iran is on course for military action, and simply refer to a quote from Stephen Hadley, one of Bush's National Security advisors. He said, 'The president's strategy affirms that the doctrine of pre-emption remains sound and must remain an integral part of our national security strategy'. There you have it."
Christopher Hanson

"What equipment (firearms, ammunition, decoys, clothing, etc.) have you found to be most effective when hunting tundra swans?"
Tim Smith, Fargo, ND, NDSU- Fargo, ND

"I have no answer for your question since I know nothing about tundra swan or how to hunt them. However, I can honestly and clearly tell you that I hate you, and wish that you would just disappear. No one likes fat sheepdogs, anyhow."
Christopher Hanson

"What are your favorite five songs to perform with Patents Pending?"
Alex Shepard, Fargo, ND, NDSU- Fargo, ND

"Tough question. I like a good portion of the songs we play. But, I guess if I were to narrow it down to five, I would go with Superstition, Mustang Sally, Rudy's Way, Beverly Hills, and (of course) Sell Out."
Christopher Hanson

"Have you started making plans yet for the opening of North Dakota tundra swan season on September 30th?"
Tim Smith, Fargo, ND, NDSU- Fargo, ND

"First of all, how do you know about that, anyhow? (I checked and researched- he is indeed correct about the date and the season, it says so on The North Dakota Game and Fish Department website...) Second of all, do you hunt? Oh, and to answer your question, I have not started planning what I'm going to do, if anything. It's a good guess that I'll be at Lauerman's that Saturday, though. Are you surprised?"
Christopher Hanson

"Do you think global warming is just something made up by a bunch of tree huggers, or is a serious concern for our generation, or generations to come? What do you think some consequences of global warming might be?"
Alex Shepard, Fargo, ND, NDSU- Fargo, ND

"I do think global warming is something to worry about, plenty of scientists have said so. I'm not completely moved by all of the enviromentalists in the nation, but I am convinced by science, and I do think that we need to start thinking about ways to take care of our earth better in the future. The consequences that I'm most concerned about for future generations include ocean levels rising and flooding current land, shifts in the climate, and the quality of our air. History has shown how major changes come and go on earth, and this could be the start of a change that will leave our children, grandchildren, and beyond looking back and wondering why we did what we did in the past."
Christopher Hanson

"With a short 90 days for the run of the bar tour, and 59 bars to hit, how confident are you that we can pull it off? Should we lower the three beer per bar minimum?"
Russ Pfaff, Fargo, ND

"I am confident that we will complete the tour. The three drink minimum will be lowered to two, so that we can go to more than one bar on a weekend night. The list will also be a little bit modified to only include bars that are not associated with eating establishments unless a)there is gaming, b)smoking is allowed, and/or c)the bar is open later than the eating establishment."
Christopher Hanson

"Why are the streets and sidewalks of NDSU so prone to puddles and standing water? Do we not have enough engineers and architects to fix this problem?"
Alex Shepard, Fargo, ND, NDSU- Fargo, ND

"The same reason the Fargodome and the NDSU Library floods whenever we have too much rain or melting snow. You present a good point, although we should keep in mind the fact that lots of our A&E grads leave this state because there's no jobs or opportunities for them around here, leaving us with what we've got."
Christopher Hanson

"You talk a lot about drinking on your site. Don't you think you might be an alcoholic?"
Anonymous

"An alcoholic is someone who drinks because they feel that they have to or because they can't stop. While I admit that I have been drinking kind of a lot over the past while, I do know that I don't need to drink, and I know that I can stop when want to."
Christopher Hanson

"When is Jass 2006 going to be?"
Matt Tintes, Fargo, ND

"What an excellent question that is. We researched out all of the dates we could in May and early June, and none of those will work. I don't want to do the festival during the heart of the summer due to summer school, National Guard annual training periods, and the 'lake season'. Therefor, I think we're going to shoot for the first or second weekend of August just like we used to do it before back in Minot. We'll have an official set of dates coming soon."
Christopher Hanson

"Will Patents be playing at this year's Battle of the Bands?"
Tim Smith, Fargo, ND, NDSU- Fargo, ND

"There is a possibility that we might enter the show. We've talked about it over the years, but have never followed through on it, mostly because we have always assumed it would be sort of a biased contest that we could never win. However, when Garden Party won it a few years ago, we realized we could have a shot. So, I can't say yes at this time, but I do in fact want to play the contest."
Christopher Hanson

"Does anyone know where I could get the song from the Tide Laundry Detergent commercial where the black mother is watching her son as he grows up and she's washing his football shirt?"
Suzie

"The song in question is called My Little Man, and it's by Jeff Choratz and Torri Griffen. It's performed by Christina Saldanha. Click here to grab an mp3 of this song."
Christopher Hanson

"What's your biggest pet peeve when you're driving?"
Tim Smith, Fargo, ND, NDSU- Fargo, ND

"People who aren't paying attention because they're talking on a cell phone piss me off. While I'm not a real big fan of anyone talking on the phone can driving, if you can multi-task and pay attention to what the hell you're doing, that's fine. However, we always seem to see these people in their brand new gas-gulping SUV's talking on their cell phones while they're trying to eat a danish on their way to their 'important jobs'. Let's do away with these people, please."
Christopher Hanson

"Where do babies come from?"
Ron Storhaug, Bismarck, ND, NDSU- Fargo, ND

"A couple of years ago, we had that question on a survey on the site. A few of the better answers to the question..."
Christopher Hanson

A. Not me B. The stork C. Korea D. Alcohol E. All of the above
Erika Beseler (Thompson)

Wal-Mart? They have everything else. And besides, if you found a cheaper baby anyplace else, they'd match the price.
Matt Larson

Your belly, and I told you we'll get married.
Al Berg

A little magic and a lot of love.
Robin Childs (Fried)

Not hell...unless they're my cousins.
Jenny Thompson

"Garfield's mouth never moves because you're only hearing what he's thinking, after all, cats can't talk. And, as to your thoughts about Jon understanding Garfield...Pat- it's a damned cartoon. There aren't explinations for everything. I hate you."
Christopher Hanson

"I noticed on a recent post that you said you aren't so fond of the opinion writers at The Spectrum. When you say this, are you including me and my very few pieces I have written? Be honest. I can take it. I wasn't so fond of them, actually. And yes, those writers do get paid. More than they should, sometimes..."
Mike Vacha, Fargo, ND, NDSU- Fargo, ND

"Actually, I've only read one of your works, and I rather enjoyed that. While I didn't want to cite specific names since I plan on doing an editorial on this person sometime in the next few weeks, I will let it out of the bag. Cheryl Childs is the new Melissa Redlin, and I'm going to tell you why soon. Keep your eyes set on the site from time to time. And now that I know that these people get PAID to write in the paper, the fire is being fed..."
Christopher Hanson

"If Sara has $0.68 with her, what would be the smallest money she could carry with her?"
Anonymous, Denver, CO

"After consulting with two smart people (Russ- degree in Architecture, and John- degree in Industrial Engineering), we have come to the conclusion that the smallest money she could be carrying with her is a penny."
Christopher Hanson, John Rogstad, and Russ Pfaff

"How about Mike Lehmann. Is he hot?"
Anonymous

"No. Mike is not hot. To prove it, I plan on putting a picture up of Mike Lehmann on Hot or Not to prove it."
Christopher Hanson

"Do you think Krista Bjornson is really, really hot? I do."
Anonymous

"Are you asking me if I think Krista is hot, or did you just answer the question yourself?"
Christopher Hanson

"Is it true that you don't like Dr. Olfert?"
Anonymous

"It is not true that I don't like Dr. Olfert. I think that we might have some differences in thinking as far as music goes and how we think bands should be run, but he comes from the educational and professional world, while I look at bands in a artsy creative way, and I also come from a military background. By far he is the expert on bands, while I am clearly wet behind the ears in some ways. The best way to put it is that we have creative (but not necessarilly artistic) differences."
Christopher Hanson

"I know that you are not in any ensembles at NDSU except for the Jazz Ensemble anymore, but what is your take on the low attendence at the majority of concerts at NDSU? Do you think it is because they aren't advertised very well, charging admission, or perhaps something else?"
Anonymous

"I did spend a handful of years in a lot of the ensembles at NDSU, including concert band, so I do know how you feel about attendance. Before really answering your question with my thoughts, I think it would be important to point out some of the good things that the department has done to improve attendance. First of all, the department does have sponsors and trade agreements for advertising, and the people in charge have been very good about getting press releases and such out to the media. This is something that has gotten better over the years. So, there have been attempts to make improvements. Now, to respond to your question, I don't think admission is an issue, as virtually all major music programs charge admission for shows. Advertising has been better as I mentioned already. Our department and it's ensembles most certainly play well, so I don't think that's what keeps people from coming out. I think one problem that we do indeed have is the fact that there is a strange lack of interest in the attention to the talents of our young musicians. I don't think the people in the area are snuffing these programs, I just think that they're kind of oblivious to what's out there. There's a certain attitude some people get when they think of a college group performing. They don't attach professionalism and the strive for perfection and expression as the main emphasis of a college program. Instead, they think first of 'musicians in training' or the fact that the ensemble is attached to an educational program, and these people sometimes give no more than a small thought to what the musicians are capable of doing. It's unfortunate that this happens. We are in a bit of a closed-minded area when it comes to these views, and it's hard to say what it is that we can do to change it. I'm not sure if you're aware of my Jass Festival mission, but one of the main purposes of the festival that I run is to get the word out there that there are indeed some of the finest young musicians in the area, and to miss the chance to see them grow is unfortunate. True supporters of the arts will give all forms of arts a chance, including those who are studying to perfect their role in it."
Christopher Hanson

"Someone once told me that every time you masturbate, God kills a kitten. Someone else once told me that there are two types of people in this world, people who masturbate and people who lie. Given these two facts, why isn't the common housecat extinct?"
Matt Chaussee, Fargo, ND

"Well, Matthew, apparently there are a lot of cats in the world..."
Christopher Hanson

"What will you give me if I finally graduate? Will you give me money, respect, or a good punch in the arm?"
Mike Vacha, Fargo, ND, NDSU- Fargo, ND

"Mike, if you do indeed graduate, I will give you a big hug. Then, following the hug, I'll punch you as hard as I can in the arm...or perhaps throw you into a locker or a wall. You know- for old times sake, right?"
Christopher Hanson

"Hey Chris, in that picture with Sara Egge at the top of your home page, did you lean way forward and push your face up to the camera to make your head look extra big?"
Tim Smith, Fargo, ND, NDSU- Fargo, ND

"Yes. I bet you didn't expect that."
Christopher Hanson

"Do you know the history of a fortune cookie?"
Liz, Indio, CA, Indio Middle School- Indio, CA

"First off, if you happen to come back to the site and read the answer to your question, are you from Indio, California? I made the guess. Anyhow, I had a question about this a year or so ago, from Jessy Klimpel. The answer read as follows: There are several stories about fortune cookies and where they came from, but the most believable story is that they were invented in San Francisco by a Japanese immigrant, not the Chineese. Makoto Hagiwara was the landscape designer who created the Japanese Tea Garden in Golden Gate Park. According to Hagiwara, the fortune cookie was based on a Japanese treat called Tsujiura sembei. He sweetened the recipe to appeal to American tastes, enclosed thank-you notes in the cookies, and served them to his guests with tea. There you have it..."
Christopher Hanson

"The dancing chick wearing the white shirt in the pictures from the Legion is hot. Would you ever consider hitting on her?"
Jennifer Schwind, Fargo, ND

"Ummm...well, yes. Except that she's married. Damn it."
Christopher Hanson

"Hey Beseler, is it really fair to blame George Bush for a two-year old getting called for jury duty? You're obviously assuming that W has intricate working knowledge of the judicial branch, while in all likelihood, he is only vaguely aware that it even exists."
Tim Smith, Fargo, ND, NDSU - Fargo, ND

"Well, Tim, obviously my assumption has once again led me astray. George is probably only vaguely aware of what century it is and which foot goes in which shoe, let alone anything of importance. I hadn't thought that W probably can't even spell "judicial" so how could he possibly know what it is? You're right. In fact, he probably can't even spell "branch." Shame on me for assuming the American public could possibly elect a competent president. My half-joking jab has, at least, helped to reiterate the imbecilic persona that is our president, though. Who knows, maybe Dan Quayle can help George W learn how to spell. Then again, a 12-year old beat Quayle in a spelling argument...maybe George should take lessons from a 12-year old instead...might make the country run smoother."
Aaron Beseler

"This is a question for Aaron, in response to his ranting about the English department, based on some information that I recieved from an 'unofficial source': Where you aware that, apparently, many businesses (I don't know how many is many) all over the country (I don't know how 'all over' is 'all over') are now offering entry at a higher pay-rate simply for knowing Spanish? I haven't done any actual research into this, but you might be interested."
Anonymous

"Apparently the source and questioner are both going to have to be 'unofficial sources,' but be that as it may, I will address your question finally after my short hiatus from the site. After doing some research into your comment about higher pay-rates just for knowing Spanish, I have found a couple points of interest. To a degree, your source was correct. That degree, however, covers less than 5% of jobs outside of the fields of education or advertising/marketing. Even in the southern (specifically southwestern) states, there are few jobs that give a substantial pay-rate increase for knowing Spanish. In fact, there have been schools who have gone so far as to modify their school programs in the attempt to make the students bilingual upon their exit, requiring the students to learn Spanish and English. You'd think this would support the claim of better pay for individuals knowing Spanish. However, this has met with increasing hostility, anger, and outrage from those communities, most of which have been in the southwest part of the country. There have even been a few school closures as a result of attempting to integrate Spanish into the curriculum, and consequently losing massive numbers in enrollment, thus actually costing teachers their jobs, whether they knew Spanish or not.

The other issue to look at is the point I made about the proficiency level of a language after a mere 2 year exposure to it. I took two years of German in high school, but I can truthfully tell you that after a year of college I wouldn't have been able to accurately and consistently use German in a job setting. Everyone's language ability is different, but even with a buffer of two years between school and a career, many students will very quickly and frequently forget any of the language that they learned as soon as they are not required to know it for exams and grades. I am simply arguing the logistics of knowledge that is not consistent and difficult to render useful in the best situations. Education and careers are both about choices and paths. For example, to be a teacher in North Dakota you must have taken a Native Americans culture class at some point. Minnesota has no such requirement. If a person is to become a teacher in Nort