The Question and Answer Page

"Are you ever going to date a girl again?"
Anonymous

"I was thinking about becoming asexual, actually. I mean, I want to have some offspring, but I think I'm going to have to do it myself. I'm not sure how to go about this sort of procedure, but I'm looking into it. Anyhow, seriously, I would love to have a girlfriend sometime again, and it happens, it happens. We'll see. I've gone looking for love before, and every time I did that, one of three things happened- either it kicked me in the ass, someone who had nothing to do with it kicked me in the ass, or I simply kicked my own ass. I willing to go with an all-in bet on trusting fate at this point."
Christopher Hanson

"Are 'metachlorines' real?"
Anonymous

"Is this really a serious question? I hope not when I answer you by saying no. If this was a serious question, you may want to do some soul searching or perhaps visit a therapist."
Christopher Hanson

"When was the last time Sneakers O'Toole took off his sneakers?"
Tim Smith, Fargo, ND

"I have no idea. Oh, and I hate you."
Christopher Hanson

"How many Priest solos can you typically handle before your face melts?"
Mike Vacha, Fargo, ND

"I'm not sure. I hate you, too."
Christopher Hanson

"What is a 'flyaway', as referred to on a bottle of Garnier Fructis Style Curl Scrunch Gel?"
Tim Smith, Fargo, ND

"Flyaway hair is caused when hair strands picks up positive charges and begin to repel from the rest of hair. This leads to hair strands that seem to fly away on their own, hence the name. Oh, and did I ever mention that I hate you?"
Christopher Hanson

"Did you know that Garnier Fructis Style Curl Scrunch Gel with fruit micro-waxes creates defined, volume-controlled curls for a lasting hold without frizz, flyaways, or flaky residue?"
Tim Smith, Fargo, ND

"That's exactly what their website states as well."
Christopher Hanson

"How does Garnier Fructis Style Curl Scrunch Gel work?"
Tim Smith, Fargo, ND

"Garnier Fructis Style Curl Scrunch Gel with fruit micro-waxes in a non-drying, nourishing formula containing curl binding agents and silicone to lock in shape and shine, leaving you with gorgeous defined curl control without the frizz. That's the answer to the 'how does it work' section on their website. Now, a question for you- why the hell are you asking questions about Garnier Fructis Style Curl Scrunch Gel anyhow?"
Christopher Hanson

"What's iodopropynyl butyl carbamate?"
Tim Smith, Fargo, ND

"It is a preservative used in skin care products and hair styling gels that has been suspected of elevating risks to human reproduction and development and has been linked to potential for reduced fertility or reduced chance for a healthy, full-term pregnancy."
Christopher Hanson

"What would you say will happen first: Ellen Cleghorne will find a suitable show to star in or you will update this site?"
Tim Smith, Fargo, ND

"I win- I updated the site."
Christopher Hanson

"How do i stop airlinecareer.com to stop sending mail to me?"
Anonymous

"I would imagine that if you are a paying member, you can call them or e-mail them, they'll stop bothering you. Go to the website- there are contact e-mails on there. If you're just an e-Zine member, you can probably unsubscribe to them. Usually at the bottom of their e-mails there are directions to unsubscribe."
Christopher Hanson

"I was listening to my iPod today and 'The Colonel Bogey March' started to play. I thought of you because I remember you saying that you hated that song. I don't think that's a question, but I thought that you'd like to know that. Also, how many surrealists does it take to change a light bulb? Fish."
Zach Steele, Fargo, ND

"I do dislike that march a lot. Now, my question is why do you have it on your iPod? Seriously..."
Christopher Hanson

"Why does Jesse Klimpel always buy Schlitz?"
Anonymous

"I didn't know that Jessy bought Schlizt, but it's not hard to believe. As for why he buys it...well, I suppose it's cheap and it does that all other beers do if you drink the entire case- it gets you rocked. Jessy likes to be drunk. I guess the math sort of does itself..."
Christopher Hanson

"So, what would you say is the over-under in Vegas for Tigers wins this season? I know it was originally 93, but do you think it has been adjusted to about eight or nine?"
Tim Smith, Fargo, ND

"Well, I don't know- I imagine you sent that question after they got off to an awful start. But, now they're on a three-game winning streak and looking like they're awake. I'd guess they're going to be a good team in the AL Central, and if I had to guess, they'll win at least 90 games."
Christopher Hanson

"Now that we're in agreement that the Beastie Boys are the best band in all of history, it's time that we show our pride. You can make your site into a Beastie Boys shrine, and I'll...buy a Beastie Boys t-shirt or something. Everyone at work already knows I think they're awesome. I mean, with songs like 'Brass Monkey' and 'Girls', how can you go wrong? By the way- Rena thinks they suck. Is that grounds for a divorce?"
Mike Vacha, Fargo, ND

"The Beastie Boys are a great band, though I wouldn't go so far as to say they're the best in all history. What I do like about them is there never-ending creativity not only in lyrics (as in lyrics that have the right amount of humor and accent points to always keep a person at least listening) but in their mostly original beats and riffs which are often played by them themselves. As for turning this site into a Beastie Boys shrine...well, that's not likely. If you're lucky, I'll do a tribute page someday, but that's as far as it's going (unless there's some money involved...) Now, as for Rena not digging the Beastie Boys, I guess that's her choice. I don't believe it's a wise one, but what can you do? Don't divorce her, though. You got a good one. Keep it."
Christopher Hanson

"Why do you only answer questions about bands that really, really, really suck?"
Tim Stine, Cincinatti Convervatory of Music- Cincinatti, OH

"They're the only questions that ever come into the site! My hands are tied..."
Christopher Hanson

"Is there such a thing as too much Beastie Boys?"
Mike Vacha, Fargo, ND

"Wow, a semi-intellegant question. The answer in my humble opinion is no- there can not be too much Beastie Boys. Now, I'm not rap fan or anything like that in general, but their usage of cool beats, sweet riffs, and attention-grabbing lyrics have always kept my attention. Everything they do is so catchy and poppy enough for me to follow. Not bad for a group of white dudes..."
Christopher Hanson

"What is the etymology of the word 'pwn'?"
Tim Smith, Fargo, ND

"According to Wikipedia, the word 'pwn' may have arisen and spread as a common typo of the word 'own' due to the proximity of the 'p' and 'o' keys on a standard English keyboard. Alternatively, the word 'pwnage' may have been created as a portmanteau of the words 'pure' and 'ownage', 'perfect' and 'ownage', or 'powerful' and 'ownage'. Similarly, 'pwn' may have derived from 'powerfully owned', such as you just got powerfully owned (shortened to you just got pwned).
Christopher Hanson

"Jessy and I noticed that before we started asking questions on here, there was a sad lack of stupidity. Now however, there is an overabudance. How can we get back on the right track?"
Tim Smith, Fargo, ND

"You are both to the point of no return, really. The best we can hope for is that you somehow blend into society much the way that sex offenders, murderers, drug dealers, psychopaths, and Charlie Sheen have done. Good luck, and stay away from my future children. However, do keep submitting stuff to this site. It's less work for me."
Christopher Hanson

"How many Ace Frehley solo bootlegs do you own?"
Jessy Klimpel, Fargo, ND

"None."
Christopher Hanson

"Who would you rather bone: Ace Frehley in Spaceman makeup, or Ace Frehley without makeup?"
Tim Smith, Fargo, ND

"I'll take a third choice- I want to be the guy who you beg mercy from as I point a gun at you and threaten to shoot you in the face for asking stupid questions. Can I be that guy? Can I please?"
Christopher Hanson

"Did you know that Ace Frehley's Grand Slam was supposed to be with sausage?"
Tim Smith, Fargo, ND

"I did not. Thank you."
Christopher Hanson

"Ace Frehley's cool, huh?"
Tim Smith, Fargo, ND

"Much cooler than you or Jessy, that's for sure. I mean, he might be a loser like you guys, but at least he's gone fortune and fame. Seriously- what have you two got?"
Christopher Hanson

"Which posted set list at kissfaq.com would you most like to hear at Ace Frehley's show?"
Tim Smith, Fargo, ND

"I'm partial to the 2003 World Domination Tour set list- it seems to have included my favorites in there."
Christopher Hanson

"Wouldn't it be cool if Ace Frehley drove a Delorian?"
Tim Smith, Fargo, ND

"Wouldn't it be cool if you died a long painful death?"
Christopher Hanson

"Who has been your favorite replacement for Ace Frehly in KISS?"
Tim Smith, Fargo, ND

"Tommy Thayer seems to be doing a good enough job from the newest live stuff I've heard."
Christopher Hanson

"Where are you planning to sit when Ace Frehly comes to Fargo?"
Tim Smith, Fargo, ND

"On Tuesday night, I sat in my chair while watching Gene Simmons Family Jewels."
Christopher Hanson

"So as you know I have a KISS-fanatic brother named Stony who is coming down to go to the Ace Frehley show with me. Stony commonly uses the alias 'Ace' as his middle name, although his auctual middle name is 'Lee'. He even goes as far as putting 'Stony Ace Klimpel' as his legal name on his KISS checkblanks. Have you ever thought about auctually legally changing your name to 'Ace (similar to McLovin' in Superbad) just to make my brother jealous?"
Jessy Klimpel, Fargo, ND

"No, I haven't, but I have thought about punching you in the face a couple thousand times or so."
Christopher Hanson

"So do you think the 'Space Ace' has any set-list surprises in store for his solo show here in Fargo?"
Jessy Klimpel, Fargo, ND

"Well, did he?"
Christopher Hanson

"In your interesting facts feature you say you want to be a lion-hearted pig because lions sometimes copulate fifty times a day and pigs orgasm for thirty minutes. However, assuming all orgasms are thirty minutes, you would only be able to copulated forty-eight times daily. And don't you think you'd get kind of dehydrated after a while?"
Tim Smith, Fargo, ND

"I suppose you're probably right."
Christopher Hanson

"What is your favorite Ace Frehley solo album? I have to say that I am a fan of 'Trouble Walking'."
Jessy Klimpel, Fargo, ND

"I think mine is an album called 'Who Gives a Rat's Ass'. Every heard of it?"
Christopher Hanson

"When was the last time you had third row tickets to an Ace Frehley solo show?"
Jessy Klimpel, Fargo, ND

"The last time I had third row tickets to an Ace Frehley solo show was right around the last time I had a threesome with two beautiful twenty-year old blonde sorority twin sisters in a hot tub on the top floor of the Bellagio in Vegas. So, I guess the answer is 'never'."
Christopher Hanson

"Since Ace Frehley is obviously the biggest act to come through Fargo this year, I was wondering when you were going to put up an Ace Frehley Tribute on your site?"
Jessy Klimpel, Fargo, ND

"Maybe I'll surprise you on your birthday."
Christopher Hanson

"Do male cheetah's have titties?"
Jessy Klimpel, Fargo, ND

"Yes."
Christopher Hanson

"What are are you top ten favorite bourbons?"
Tim Smith, Fargo, ND

"In no particular order: Knob Creek, Jim Beam, Jack Daniels, Makers Mark, Old Crow, Woodstone Creek, Old Oak, Heaven Hill, Kentucky Vintage, and Noah's Mill."
Christopher Hanson

"Would it make someone a dirtbag if they read a few select books of the Bible to learn enough to be able to hoodwink a pious co-worker into going on a date?"
Tim Smith, Fargo, ND

"What do you have to worry about? You're already a really bad person, so how is this going to make any difference whatsoever?"
Christopher Hanson

"I know Tom Brady is the classic pick for NFL MVP since he's a quarterback (or running back) and that he had a record setting season, but isn't Randy Moss more valuable than Brady? I'm not suggesting that Brady isn't important to his team, but I would guess that Manning, Favre, and possibly even Romo, Hasselbeck, or Brees would have lead New England to fourteen wins or more with their amazing line and maybe the best receiver ever. On the other hand, the Pats are probably an eleven or twelve win team without Moss there to create a constant headache for defensive coordinators. There is absolutely no receiver in the league who could have replaced Moss's presence. So do you think Brady is really the MVP or was chosen more because Moss has been kind of a sand-filled butt-hole for his whole career?"
Tim Smith, Fargo, ND

"You should work for ESPN. You're much better than John Clayton. Anyhow, I agree with you- Brady had all of the help in the world. But, he's considered the 'leader' of the Patriots offense, and that's just how it works. He's going to win it and that's it. What can we do about it?"
Christopher Hanson

"What are your nine favorite kinds of seafood?"
Tim Smith, Fargo, ND

"I'm a simple guy- I love shrimp. I don't care how it's prepared, I just love shrimp. Even on the worst buffet ever, if they have shrimp, I can make it work. As for the other eight favorites- I guess I could add cod, scallops, lobster, crab, gumbo, and oysters. Since I like sushi (imagine that), I can add tuna and squid."
Christopher Hanson

"It seems like you don't get a lot of questions any more. Is that because people hate you or because they hate me? Or do they hate Mikey?"
Tim Smith, Fargo, ND

"Yes."
Christopher Hanson

"Why do so many people ask you about laundry detergent? Are you some sort of expert?"
Tim Smith, Fargo, ND

"I am no expert- I have to research answers for those questions. As for why they ask those questions (and why the questions are from such anonymous sources), I have no idea. I answer them so that not every question is from you."
Christopher Hanson

"What does Mikey love the most: tundra swans, Judas Priest, Dragonforce, Spinal Tap, or Deloreans?"
Tim Smith, Fargo, ND

"I'm going to go with tundra swans. Now I'm going to find Mikey and punch him."
Christopher Hanson

"Why is your head so much bigger than Beseler's? Is it because you've been shooting up with The Rocket?"
Tim Smith, Fargo, ND

"Apparently I can't admit that I shot up with The Rocket since he's trying to play down the rumor. Besides, don't steroids make your head smaller?"
Christopher Hanson

"Who has the best Christmas album: Jethro Tull, Twisted Sister, Lynyrd Skynyrd, Barry Manilow, Chicago, Kenny G, or Moody Blues? Also, if Judas Priest released a Christmas album would it eclipse all these others as the greatest ever?"
Tim Smith, Fargo, ND

"Do all of those guys have Christmas albums? Well, I'll take your word for it. I would say that Kenny G has the greatest Christmas album after hearing about you actually spending money on that album just so that you could piss off Jessy. You get an 'A' for effort on that- spending money on props!"
Christopher Hanson

"Wouldn't it be cool if beer companies offered a six pack of forties as an alternative to the twenty pack?"
Tim Smith, Fargo, ND

"Only if they're forties of Camo. Tim Stine will agree."
Christopher Hanson

"Would you consider Tim Tebow a hotty-boom-body?"
Tim Smith, Fargo, ND

"Have you seen Tim Tebow's girlfriend? Now, that's a hotty-boom-body!"
Christopher Hanson

"If I wrote a song for Helena Handbasket called 'Tundra Swan', would you play it?"
Tim Smith, Fargo, ND

"I would ask you to stop sending me stupid-ass questions, but of course, you're the only person who sends questions, so I can't ask you to stop. Oh well..."
Christopher Hanson

"How does Judas Priest feel about warm soda? What about warm beer?"
Mike Vacha, Fargo, ND

"I feel like punching you in the face."
Christopher Hanson

"Why does the temperature of food matter so much (i.e. warm soda, and cold soup)?"
Erin Ott, Fargo, ND, NDSU- Fargo, ND

"The temperature of food often matters since certain raw ingrediants, mostly in the case of meat- can be pretty hazardous to your health. If food is precooked (such as pre-cooked meat or canned soup where meat is pre-cooked), you're probably alright to eat it when it's not warm. Leftovers can normally be eaten cold since they were cooked already, though warming it up may make it taste better. Soda can obviously be consumed warm, though it tastes better cold when attempting to quench your thirst. Am the only one who thinks this was an easy question to answer, or did I not read into this question they way you wanted me to? At least it wasn't a question about tundra swans or Judas Priest...)"
Christopher Hanson

"What are the names of the muppet characters to the left, who corresponds to who, and do you still hate me?"
James Prindiville, Minneapolis, MN

"Waldorf is on the left, and Statler is on the right. I'm not sure who corresponds to who exactly, but I'll go ahead and say that I'm Waldorf since I'm older than Beseler, and Waldorf looks older. Finally, no, I do not hate you, but I still like to call you 'Prickdiville' from time to time to keep the memory alive."
Christopher Hanson

"How would you go about escaping if you were being hunted by a tundra swan?"
Mike Vacha, Fargo, ND

"I want to throw you down a flight of stairs, Mike."
Christopher Hanson

"How many miles does the average tundra swan fly in a year? How many kilometers is that? And why would anyone actually use kilometers?"
Mike Vacha, Fargo, ND

"It is not known what the average distance a tundra swan flys in a year, though they do migrate an average of 4,200 miles (or 6759.244 kilometers). Kilometers is metric, so lots of people use that form of measurement. Oh, and I want to run you over several times, Mike."
Christopher Hanson

"How much easier would life be for tundra swans if they were able to operate heavy machinery? Would anyone hire them to build roads?"
Mike Vacha, Fargo, ND

"I'm going to petition Rena to remove the ban on me being able to hurt you. I think I have a pretty good argeument going here..."
Christopher Hanson

"How awesome would it be if a group of tundra swans got together to do an improv comedy act? And what would be a good name for this act?"
Mike Vacha, Fargo, ND

"It would probably be better than you and your strangely unfunny humor. You're dead."
Christopher Hanson

"Who would win in a fight: 23 blindfolded tundra swans or a drunken Wolverine from the X-Men?"
Mike Vacha, Fargo, ND

"Are you mentally disabled? Seriously, I'm curious. I'll go get you a parking pass..."
Christopher Hanson

"Do you know any good tundra swans to do my 2007 taxes? I'm having to actually claim all of my income this year, and I want to make sure the government doesn't get more than they're owed."
Mike Vacha, Fargo, ND

"Did you pay Rena to marry you? Perhaps you are constantly drugging her. Did you threaten bodily harm of some sort? I can't imagine her willingly marrying an idiot like you. Don't worry Rena- I will liberate you soon, and then we can have cute Asian babies who play saxophone and oboe that all our liberal friends will be jealous of..."
Christopher Hanson

"About which retarded subject would you rather answer questions: tundra swans, Dragonforce, Judas Priest, or Spinal Tap? Would the addition of a DeLorean to any of the above topics influence your decision?"
Mike Vacha, Fargo, ND

"You are the reason that serial killers get their starts. Sleep with one eye open tonight."
Christopher Hanson

"How happy are you that I'm asking questions about tundra swans?"
Mike Vacha, Fargo, ND

"Well, at the very least I know that at least one person is still looking at this site, so I guess it's not completely negative. Don't get me wrong- I'm still planning on attacking you and taking out a lot of stress on your face. But, nonetheless, I do appreciate your attention that you give to the site."
Christopher Hanson

"How many inches of rain does Illinois get in a year?"
Anonymous

"In the northern and central portions of Illinois, the average rainfall (including snow) is about 37 inches. In the southern portion of Illinois, the average rainfall (including snow) is about 46 inches. These figures are based on statistics compiled by the Illinois State Water Survey."
Christopher Hanson

"How can you cut a circle into sixteenths with exactly five cuts?"
Anonymous

"I'm no expert in this sort of thing, but I did consult Yahoo! for an answer. They say, 'You could cut three concentric circles into the main circle leaving you with four parts. Then cut the whole circle into quarters with another two cuts. You now have 16 parts.' Whatever that means- it sounds good to me."
Christopher Hanson

"After sending you a question, your advertising question engine redirects the user to a page about the Jass reading band. Is this due to your incompetence as a web designer (which is hard to believe since you're Asian), or a safeguard against people quickly sending masses of Judas Priest questions?"
Tim Smith, Fargo, ND

"Yes."
Christopher Hanson

"In your opionin, how many times has Patrick Swayze been screwed out of an Oscar?"
Tim Smith, Fargo, ND

"None since Patrick Swayze has never been nominated for one. He has been nominated for three Golden Globe Awards, though."
Christopher Hanson

"When was laundry detergent created?"
Sabrina Joseph, Atlanta, GA

"Procter and Gamble accidentally invented laundry detergent in 1879 when an employee at The White Soap left a soap mixer on over a lunch break."
Christopher Hanson

"If Joe Namath hadn't guaranteed victory against the colossus Baltimore Colts in Super Bowl III and then backed it up like a black girl in a 50 Cent video, would his numbers have been good enough to put him in Canton?"
Tim Smith, Fargo, ND

"Looking at his numbers, he had a pretty awful record as a starting quarterback, and his numbers were often a little more raw than they were impressive during his thirteen years in pro football. But, he did indeed guarantee the Super Bowl III victory, and that was impressive. It seems that aside from his drinking problems televised on live TV, people remember him best for his Super Bowl III boasting and his nickname, 'Broadway Joe'. Does Joe belong in the Hall of Fame? I think other football players who are not in there do deserve the honor more than Joe, but Namath was not a terrible player, and his feats in 1968 were pretty impressive indeed."
Christopher Hanson

"Do you really like Mike Lehmann?"
Anonymous

"Who sends these questions in? They confuse me. Anyhow, I don't know Mike Lehmann incredibly well aside from dealings when I was in college a few years ago. I presently have nothing against him and I wish no ill will upon him. I'm not sure what else I need to say to answer this question, but I guess I'll go with that. I've explained my thoughts and even conceded to being a little immature in past matters. Can we let this rest now?"
Christopher Hanson

"Who are your favorite drummers in Fargo?"
Anonymous

"In no particular order, I would say Dr. Allen Carter (energetic and creative big band drumming, and his charts don't hurt either), Nick Peterson (great time, takes care of the business in all settings, and not an attention hog), Russ Pfaff (my go-to for over five years whom I consider my most dependable counterpart in the rhythm section), Tom Christianson (not flashy, but always reliable with rock-solid time), and Dale Hieb (he's got rock and roll down to a tee). An honorary shout-out goes to Nate Fryett, who no longer resides in Fargo, but has been one of the finest drummers I've had the chance to work with from the old days of Jass when he was a high school senior to day in Fargo playing combo gigs with him."
Christopher Hanson

"How much longer will David Stern be the NBA commissioner? Business experts suggest that CEOs tend to start losing influence after five to seven years. Stern has been the commish for 23 years, but has been very effective throughout his tenure. His power seems to have waned in the last few years though, and the leauge hasn't completely recovered from the strike in 1998. Stern's popularity hit an all time low after he suspended Amare Stoudamire and Boris Diaw in the playoffs and now that Tim Donaghy has been implicated in a mafia gambling ring, it seems that the wounds will never heal. Do you think Stern can regain his throne? If not, will he realize it and move on or cling to the position while the NBA is knocked off the radar by MLS, NASCAR, and the PGA?"
Tim Smith, Fargo, ND

"I don't care much for the NBA and I really don't care much for David Stern, but really, all of the major sports are getting knocked around when it comes to controversy. All sorts of poo is being flung around, and I'm surprised taht David Stern hasn't quit yet. It would seem that he is trying to make points with his past couple of years worth of 'tough decisions', and to me, that is a sign that he is losing control of the operations and that he is clinging on to dear life as his choices are getting more and more unpopular. I think he will quit within the next year or so. However, I don't claim to know much about basketball and the NBA past watching the news and highlights on ESPN, so I may not be qualified to really answer this question."
Christopher Hanson

"What exactly is imitation crab made of?"
Anonymous

"Apparently it is normally made from Alaska Pollock. I found the answer online, and you can go here to learn more about how the magic happens!"
Christopher Hanson

"I saw the Wallace Hartley reunion. Where was Matt Darling, Aaron Dorheim, Dave Stordalen, or Corey Dosch, Matt Beumer or Ryan Walker? They started that band."
Anonymous

"I know the history of the band, and I was disappointed to not see most of the original members there, too. To say that I know all of the members is a lie. I know the bands history because I know Jesse Braunagel pretty well and because I am a member of the 188th Army Band, where most of these cats met. I have met both Schaan brothers several times, and I knew Matt Darling from being from Minot. Dave Stordalen is one of my best friends from serving with him in the regular Army and also in the National Guard. When I heard about the benefit show, I was told it was a Wallace Hartley and the Titanics reunion, though it ended up being a Test Site 67 show featuring some original WH members. Nonetheless, I live through Wallace Hartley and the Titanics' CD's. It is simply quality stuff, and no more needs to be said!"
Christopher Hanson

"Have you been to any dog fights lately (or cookouts since you're Asian)?"
Tim Smith, Fargo, ND

"I hate you."
Christopher Hanson

"How, exactly, did I get so lame?"
Tim Smith, Fargo, ND

"To be lame is to be crippled or physically disabled. I don't believe you are either. Therefor, technically, you are not lame."
Christopher Hanson

"My wife and I went to see Post traumatic Funk Syndrome in the Moorhead Park last week, and we really enjoyed all those songs that we danced to way back when. I also read your disclaimer that you didn't 'get into them' because 'I guess I just like a band that says and does stupid things on stage- which I consider stage presence' and that they are just (a) show band. Do you think that a more sophisticated audience likes to hear a band rip, or just do goofy things on stage?"
Bob S.

"First of all, it wasn't a 'disclaimer', it was an opinion on my prefrences, but that's cool. Upon reviewing what I wrote on my site, I did give much credit to PTFS for being a very good playing band (I agreed that they play well and that they have some of the finest top-call musicians from the FM area in their band). What I said is I like to see a good band that also entertains. That's what bar bands generally do. PTFS members will be quick to tell you that they would rather play a smoke-free show gig before they do a smoke-filled bar gig, anyhow. (Didn't Russ Peterson write a huge editorial on that?) Does PTFS have fun? Yeah, I know about half of the guys in the band, and yeah, they're having fun. Does their crowd like what they do? Absolutely, and that's cool, too. I didn't say that I want to see a band that only does goofy things on stage, I covered the good music and good playing part as well. What I'm trying to say is that I want to see an animated band that pulls the crowd in and keeps them on the floor by really communicating with them. It's what I was taught when I made my debut into bar band music back in the mid-90's. To really sum it up, though, is that what you called 'my disclaimer' was just my opinion and preferences, and I respect your opinion and preferences as well. We are free to to enjoy what music and bands we want to enjoy whenever we choose to, and in the end, I'm just happy that people like you and your wife are going out and hearing bands in the Fargo-Moorhead area in the first place and supporting what our local musicians do."
Christopher Hanson

"Who's your favorite pornstar?"
Tim Smith, Fargo, ND

"What's porn?"
Christopher Hanson

"How much is my semen worth? I was watching the TV show 'Dirty Jobs' on the Discovery Channel and saw Mike Rowe sell a small bag of horse semen for $25,000. Could this be my ticket to early retirement?"
John Rogstad, Fargo, ND

"Donor sperm generally sells for about $200-$600 per vial. There are sometimes extra costs for 'professional sperm' which may have come from a lawyer or a doctor. The shipping of sperm also carries a cost of sometimes as much as $100 for safe handling. Other extra costs include extra money for profiling and for picking your donor based on pictures and genetic details. As far as how much you would make for donating, it's not going to be enough for you retire. Generally, a male who donates healthy sperm will make about $45 for his efforts. Some centers will work out a contract deal where you can donate weekely and receive $150-$300 a week, but that's for multiple samples that are all deemed healthy. So, what I'm trying to say is that you shouldn't quit your day job."
Christopher Hanson

"In the Twisted Sister hit, 'Were Not Gonna Take It', what exactly is Twisted Sister not taking?"
Andy Schaff, Mandan, ND, NDSU- Fargo, ND

"It meant that I wasn't going to take any more 'Twisted Sister' questions."
Christopher Hanson

"At my place of employment, there was a young man named Dave who was in his early twenties. Most would describe him as attractive. During the last week of his tenure, one of the older women, maybe 45 or 50, commented that she would have to find new 'eye candy'. She and Dave clearly had a friendly if somewhat frivolous working relationship. Dave and all other witnesses took this as simply a cute, playful compliment. However, I couldn't help but think that if a 45-year-old man had referred to a 25-year-old girl as "eye candy," he would have been promptly fired and maybe even slapped with a lawsuit. Am I the only one who has this impression? If not, is there some rationale for this total inconsistency in society's view of sexual harassment?"
Tim Smith, Fargo, ND

"I totally agree with you. If we are in fact all on the same field and we are all in fact equal in our rights between male and female, the female should be reprimanded if reported for such behavior. I don't know if there's anything else that can be said in an arguement, as you seem to have made a good arguement in the first place."
Christopher Hanson

"While I agree that 'Full Metal Jacket' should probably be at the top of your latest top 10 list, I consider it a major error that 'The Blues Brothers' isn't listed. Did you forget about that particular movie or did you just really like 'Dirty Dancing' that much more?"
Russell Pfaff, Fargo, ND

"To be honest, I thought The Blues Brothers was made in the 70's, but after looking it up, it was indeed released in 1980. So, you're right- The Blues Brothers should've been in and Back to the Future, which was on the bubble at tenth, should've fallen off. In defence of Dirty Dancing, it was the first rated R movie I got to watch, and despite Patrick Swayze's presenece in the film, I still really liked that movie. Call me strange."
Christopher Hanson

"My wife and I attended an NDSU jazz concert in April 2006. Was that you playing the slide trombone?"
Bob S.

"I stand corrected and should clarify- I have not been a full-time student at NDSU since the end of the Spring 2005 semester, in which I went to part-time and less than part-time, and eventually to no longer being in school at all. During the 2005-2006 school year, I did not play in jazz band in the fall, but did return for one more semester the spring of 2006. That was the only ensemble I performed in that year. I have not returned since. I am now preparing to finish a degree online through the University of Mary in Business Management."
Christopher Hanson

"Chris, have you ever asked why you have not graduated, yet are still living the life of pretend college student?"
Anonymous

"First of all, let me ask you to define how I am living the life of a 'pretend college student'. I haven't been involved with anything at NDSU in over two years. I hold down a full-time job with the North Dakota Army National Guard, and have worked full-time for over four years. I perform professionally around the FM area. What about any of that makes me a 'pretend college student'? Is it because I like to go out and I enjoy adult beverages and such? Does not being in college mean that I should be a prude or a home-body of sorts? I know why I haven't graduated. I never had focus while I was in fact in college, and the bottom line is that school just wasn't for me in my opinion. I won't lie- I didn't work hard at it. I've never masked that aspect, and while I'm embarassed about it to a point, I am happy for many of the experiences that I had, and I am most happy about the friendships that I made while there. Personally, I will never forget those days. But, I have always admitted, especially since I quit school altogether, that I had a lack of focus, and if people think badly of me for it, I suppose that's their choice to do so. Lastly, I question as to why someone asks me such a question in the first place. You obviously don't know me as well as you might think, or at the best, you don't have me figured out like you think that you do. I challenge anyone to at least identify themselves if they want to ask a personal question about me. Hiding behind an anonymous name seems a little cowardly when you're asking for personal details about who I am, how I think, and how I have come to where I am now."
Christopher Hanson

"Did you know that Schleck Smorbrod is Norwegian for 'Shit Sandwich' which was one of the unreasonably negative reviews for the Tap classic Shark Sandwich?"
Tim Smith, Fargo, ND

"I hope you die in a horrific plane crash."
Christopher Hanson

"Did you know that Viv Savage died in a freak gas explosion while visiting the grave of Mick Shrimpton's younger brother Ric? (It turns out that Savage had secretly been a drummer as a child)."
Tim Smith, Fargo, ND

"You don't take a hint easily, do you? Please die. Thank you."
Christopher Hanson

"Did you know Dweezil Zappa contributed a solo for Diva Fever on Spinal Tap's 'Break Like the Wind'?"
Tim Smith, Fargo

"I'm loading my car with automatic weapsons."
Christopher Hanson

"Which unreleased Tap album (Flak Packet, Here's More Tap, and Lusty Lorry) would you most like to see in your personal collection?"
Tim Smith, Fargo, ND

"I'm purchasing additonal ammunition at this point."
Christopher Hanson

"Did you know 'Bone Farm' was the working title for the Tap classic 'Sex Farm'?"
Tim Smith, Fargo, ND

"Can someone else PLEASE start asking questions that I want to answer? I beg you, please help me before I go insane."
Christopher Hanson

"Did you know Primus bassist Les Claypool has a tattoo of legendary Tap bassist Derek Smalls on his left arm?"
Tim Smith, Fargo, ND

"As I understand it, that is not correct. Les has two tattoos. The first is a picture of Skeeter on his head, and the caption reads, 'Skeeters suck too'. On his right shoulder is The Cat in the Hat holding a plate of Green Eggs and Ham."
Christopher Hanson

"Did you know that Morty the Mime's catering company is called 'Shut Up and Eat'?"
Tim Smith, Fargo, ND

"I hate you so much."
Christopher Hanson

"Is there a difference between 'advisor' and 'adviser'? Besides the spelling, that is. Also, if you had just written that question yourself, would you have put the question mark inside or outside of the quotation marks?"
Mike Vacha, Fargo, ND

"The placement of the question mark is correct to answer your second question. As for your first question, there are two seperate and slightly different meanings for those two words. The word adviser means 'one who gives advise', which is pretty general. The word advisor means 'one that advises, such as a person or firm that offers official or professional advice to clients, or an educator who advises students in academic and personal matters'."
Christopher Hanson

"Hey Chris, Jessy bought a case of Hamm's beer. What do you intend to do about this?"
Tim Smith, Fargo, ND

"Jessy deserves to suffer for such an act, and I think all of his friends would agree. A public flogging is in order."
Christopher Hanson

"What is the minimum number of states that a candidate can win and still become president?"
Anonymous

"I answered this one a few years back. There are 538 possible electoral votes, so it takes 270 electoral votes to win the election for President of the United States. The smallest number of states you could win and take the majority of electoral votes is twelve (for a total of 284 votes, actually)- California, Florida, Georgia, Illinois, Michigan, New Jersey, New York, North Carolina, Ohio, Pennsylvania, Texas, and Virginia. It wouldn't matter what the results were in the other 38 states and DC."
Christopher Hanson

"I'm not dead, I've just been busy and at the Leadership Development Course (National Guard) the past two weeks...expect a big update by Wednesday, May 16th, I promise..."
Anonymous

"That's fair. I didn't keep up my end of that promise. I apologize. Things have been busy, and I'm not trying to make excuses, but I'm doing the best that I can. Please bear with me on this...
Christopher Hanson

“Did you know that ‘Jumbo Prawns’ was one of the numerous names considered by David St. Hubbins and Nigel Tufnel before they eventually settled on Spinal Tap?”
Tim Smith, Fargo, ND

“I didn’t, but thanks for informing me. I hate you.”
Christopher Hanson

“Jacob (Israel) had twelve sons: Reuben, Simeon, Levi, Judah, Issachar, and Zebulun with his first wife Leah; Joseph and Benjamin with his second wife Rachel; Dan and Naphtali with Rachel's handmaiden Bilhah; and Gad and Asher with Leah's handmaiden Zilpah. Later on, he ‘adopted’ Joseph's sons, Manasseh and Ephraim, as his own because Joseph was his favorite son. If we exclude Joseph from this list, Jacob had a total of thirteen sons, so why are the tribes of Israel considered to be twelve in number?”
Tim Smith, Fargo, ND

“The tribal arrangement in Israel was based on descent from the twelve sons of Jacob. These ‘twelve patriarchal families’ produced the ‘twelve tribes of Israel’. As you noted in your question, Jacob blessed Joseph’s two sons, Manasseh and Ephraim. Jacob then said, ‘Ephraim and Manasseh will become mine like Reuben and Simeon’, his actual sons (noted in your question as well and notated in the bible in the book of Genesis, 48:5, 13-20). When the various tribes received their land inheritance in the Promised Land, there was no ‘tribe of Joseph’. Instead, ‘the sons of Joseph’, Manasseh and Ephraim were counted as distinct tribes in Israel, thus actually giving thirteen tribes.”
Christopher Hanson

“What are the requirements to become a flight attendant?”
Anonymous

“People of any age can become a flight attendant, as most airlines have hired people as young as 18 and as old as 75. While there is no height or weight restrictions (as it could be considered discriminatory), airlines are simply looking for candidates to be proportional in their height and weight. A high school diploma or a GED is required to be a flight attendant though college experience is preferred, and with most airlines, there is a flight attendant school or course that must be completed to work for the airline. Customer service skills or experience are necessary when applying for a job as a flight attendant, as that is the name of the game in such a career field. It also doesn’t hurt to have a second language mastered, as this will help in being able to work international flights. For more tips or thoughts on this subject, you can go to http://www.AirlineCareer.com.”
Christopher Hanson

"What's your favorite team on the original NBA Jam for Super Nintendo or Sega Genesis?"
Tim Smith, Fargo, ND

"I used to use the Phoenix Suns all of the time. Back in the day when I was sort of interested in basketball (before there was ever an Asian playing, might I add), I rooted for Phoenix. I actually had a Phoenix Suns Starter jacket. Anyhow, all of the players on the Suns shot well from the three-point line, so I liked that team. Charles Barkley was not one of those players featured in the game, sadly. I wanted him there so that they could create a cheat code for which Barkley would perhaps kill a ref in the game for calling so many goaltending fouls."
Christopher Hanson

"'Rock Lobster' by The B-52's is the 146th best song ever according to Rolling Stone Magazine. Where does it rank on your list?"
Tim Smith, Fargo, ND

"Right in front of 'Through the Fire and Flames'..."
Christopher Hanson

"Did you know that Kazakhi scientist Dr. Yamak proved that a woman's brain is the same size as a squirrel's?"
Tim Smith, Fargo, ND

"I haven't seen 'Borat' yet, but judging from the previews, I totally understand why you would love that movie."
Christopher Hanson

"Who invented Tide laundry detergent?"
Bria Smith, Asheville, North Carolina

"Scientists at Proctor and Gamble came up with Tide in 1943. The big improvement was to make a detergent that could penetrate colors and take out deep grease stains. It was introduced in 1946 and immediately became the best selling laundry detergent. Tide has been continually improved ever since, having been changed and made better some 20 times in the first 21 years of being on the market. As far as I can see, no one person was credited with the creation of Tide."
Christopher Hanson

"I heard that some portions of the eastern United States received up to 11 feet of snow in one storm a couple of weeks ago. If a storm like that were to happen in the summer, how many inches of rain would that be?"
Mike Vacha, Fargo, ND

"It takes six and a quarter inches of snow to make one inch of rain. So, I suppose it's safe to say that 11 feet of snow is about 21 inches of rain."
Christopher Hanson

"How and why did people start calling toilets 'the john'?"
Mike Vacha, Fargo, ND

"Didn't you ever watch 'Robin Hood: Men in Tights'?"
Christopher Hanson

"How fine is the line between disco and funk? If it’s a very fine line, can I start interchanging the words? For example, could I say 'man it smells discoey in here!' or 'that was one discoey band' or 'lay down the boogey and play that discoey music ‘til you die'?"
Mike Vacha, Fargo, ND

"I actually feel that funk and disco are two completely different forms and styles of music. Funk is very complicated form of music that utilizes strange changes, perplexing rhythms, complicated melodies, and serious involvement of a well-trained rhythm section who have made the sixteenth-note their best friend. Disco is a four-on-the-floor beat with octave lines in the bass, clean guitar that is usually augmented by a wah-pedal, and sythesized or live strings to bring on the final touches of the true cheesiness that disco really is. So, there is no fine line, and you may not interchange these two words...EVER."
Christopher Hanson

"How come people get mad at me for asking stupid questions when I'm one of the few who actually sends them to you? Also, how come no one gets mad at Jessy for asking stupdid questions? Also, I purchased Dragonforce's 'Inhuman Rampage' and can burn it for you if you want."
Tim Smith, Fargo, ND

"They don't get mad at Jessy because unlike you, most other people like Jessy. But, since you offered to burn me a copy of Dragonforce, I'll like you...a little."
Christopher Hanson

"Why do Jessy and Tim ask DeLorean questions? Can I ask one?"
Mike Vacha, Fargo, ND

"Tim and Jessy each have an extra chromosome. That pretty much explains everything. And, yes, you may ask a DeLorean question since you apparently fall into the same catagory as those other two."
Christopher Hanson

"Is it legal to drink alcoholic beverages on national monuments, like Vince Vaughn in Wedding Crashers?"
Alex Shepard, Fargo, ND, NDSU- Fargo, ND

"If I remember correctly, you're thinking of the Lincoln Memorial. According to the Lincoln Memorial website, alcohol is not allowed on the property."
Christopher Hanson

"How much is 30% of ten million three hunderd thousand dollars?"
Kimber, Vernon, New Jersey

"Why do I feel like this is a trick question? Well, if it's not a trick question, I guess the answer is $3,090,000."
Christopher Hanson

"Roy Bivins sucks, huh?"
Tim Smith, Fargo, ND

"So it would seem, huh? Maybe we can do a poll on how much he sucks..."
Christopher Hanson

"How kick ass would it be if Dragonforce covered 'Ain't Talkin' about Love', by Van Halen?"
Justin Korbel, South Dakota State University- Brookings, SD

"Great- the disease is spreading. Is anyone ever going to ask a different queston? Well, anyhow, I suppose it would be interesting to see how the speed-freaks, Dragonforce, would cover that song. The possibilities are there..."
Christopher Hanson

"How fast is Dragonforce?"
Jessy Klimpel, Fargo, ND, NDSU- Fargo, ND

"Pretty fast, honestly. I mean, they do play 'speed metal' and all."
Christopher Hanson

"How cool would it be if Dragonforce made an album of Judas Priest and Spinal Tap covers?"
Tim Smith, Fargo, ND

"It wouldn't be cool at all, much like your funny excuse for a personality."
Christopher Hanson

"When can we expect to see a Dragonforce tribute page on your site?"
Jessy Klimpel, Fargo, ND, NDSU- Fargo, ND

"It's comparable to how long it's going to take for you to ever have sexual intercourse again. You do the math."
Christopher Hanson

"What would happen if Dragonforce drove a Delorian?"
Tim Smith, Fargo, ND

"Can you fit six guys into a Delorian?"
Christopher Hanson

"Why is Dragonforce so fast?"
Tim Smith, Fargo, ND

"It's comparable as to why you're so slow."
Christopher Hanson

"Where does Dragonforce's 2006 album 'Inhuman Rampage' rank in the all time metal album heirarchy?"
Jessy Klimpel, Fargo, ND, NDSU- Fargo, ND

"I won't lie to you- their music is actually really technically insane. I mean, I'm not going to run out and buy their album, but it's actually pretty interesting to listen to for more than fifteen minutes."
Christopher Hanson

"If you had a choice which would you choose, DragonForce or sex?"
Jessy Klimpel, Fargo, ND, NDSU- Fargo, ND

"Sex. That's a really dumb question. I would rather jump off a cliff than get one more stupid Dragonforce question from you two dumbasses, though. Just thought I would add that here."
Christopher Hanson

"Why do plastic Coors Lite pounders have caps that can be replaced? Do people actually save half a beer for later? What does Dragonforce think of this?"
Tim Smith, Fargo, ND

"Coors Lite sucks. So does Dragonforce, but not nearly as much as Tim Smith."
Christopher Hanson

"Has Patents considered covering 'Through the Fire and the Flames' by Dragonforce?"
Tim Smith, Fargo, ND

"You know, there's probably a good chance that Josh Maynard, our lead guitar player, might consider doing that if you suggest it to him. Of course, there's a fairly good chance that I might have to kill you if you ask him such a question."
Christopher Hanson

"Is it okay if we all start calling you Dragonforce?"
Tim Smith, Fargo, ND

"Only if it's ok if I start calling you a fat sheepdog, a bastard, and a general waste of space."
Christopher Hanson

"Have you ever Dragonforced?"
Tim Smith, Fargo, ND

"Have you ever been touched by a woman? The answer to these two questions is obviously the same- NO!"
Christopher Hanson

"If Dragonforce was a beer, what would it taste like?"
Tim Smith, Fargo, ND

"Ever drank Hamms before? I would predict it would taste an awful lot like that crap."
Christopher Hanson

"How long would it take for Dragonforce to melt your face off?"
Jessy Klimpel, Fargo, ND, NDSU- Fargo, ND

"About the same amount of time that it would take to kick your ass, and keep in mind, you have an awful lot of ass to cover."
Christopher Hanson

"Does 'Ass to Mouth' mean analingus or anal sex followed by oral sex?"
Tim Smith, Fargo, ND

"Ah, I see you also watched Clerks II. Good call. Anyhow, from the references in the movie, I would assume it would be analingus."
Christopher Hanson

"I was looking through some of your previous questions, and I noticed one where you state that '...Guitar Hero makes good musicians into blobs of waste...' My question is this: if I play Guitar Hero, but I was never a good musician, and I am a blob of waste, will playing guitar hero make me into a good musician? Or just a bigger blob of waste?"
Mike Vacha, Fargo, ND

"If my math serves me right (and I am Asian, so I assume that it does), it would simply make you a bigger blob of waste. I'll check my work and get back to you. Maybe I'll have Matt Chaussee look over it, too, just to be safe. I'll get back to you."
Christopher Hanson

"Am I really a dumbass?"
Tim Smith, Fargo, ND

"We'll let the polls decide."
Christopher Hanson

"Who's your all time favorite Spinal Tap drummer?"
Tim Smith, Fargo, ND

"Eric "Stumpy Joe" Childs, at least condering how he died."
Christopher Hanson

"Is there, or has there ever been, a single person on the planet or elsewhere that found financial auditing enjoyable?"
Tim Smith, Fargo, ND

"My cousin did it for a while, and while she enjoyed the money and travel, she hated the job. She's the only person I've ever known that had a job in such a field, so I guess from my limited knowledge, I would say that there has never been a single person on the planet that found that particular job enjoyable."
Christopher Hanson

"What if Spinal Tap drove a Delorian?"
Jessy Klimpel, Fargo, ND, NDSU- Fargo, ND

"Perhaps they would send themselves back in time, die, and never exist. Then, perhaps these two ass-clowns in Fargo would never have begun asking questions about Spinal Tap all of the time. Maybe Judas Priest should've all riden in a Delorian, too. Wait, you two morons already covered that question, too, a long time back. Let's take it a step further- I wish Spinal Tap, Judas Priest, Jessy Klimpel, and Tim Smith could get into one Delorian, head back in time, and never come back. Then, my life would be perfect. Get on it. You obviously have a lot of spare time on your hands."
Christopher Hanson

"Why do you consistently answer all the dumbass questions Tim Smith asks?"
Anonymous

"That's a good question. But, I guess the only reason I answer them is because he's one of the few who ever send questions in, so basically, Tim's questions make good filler material. Lorn know's Tim Smith isn't good for anything else."
Christopher Hanson

"Is Johnny Depp gay?"
Anonymous

"He is not gay as far as I know, though his wearing of massive makeup in the Pirates movies has made me question his sexuality. No, seriously, he is not gay despite his roles in many movies (such as in Ed). He has two children and has been with his current girlfriend (Vanessa Paradis) for some years. Until Mr. Depp comes out and says that he's gay, I will assume that he is 100% heterosexual."
Christopher Hanson

"Chris, Have you ever watched any Korean dramas? We have a Korean language station here, and their's a show set in ancient Korea with this guy that looks just you, only with long hair. Hilarious!"
Sean Solberg, Chicago, IL

"Send me titles. I'll check them out. I'll add more thoughts after viewing this long-haired Christopher Hanson look-alike."
Christopher Hanson

"What percentage of women masturbate?"
Anonymous

"We covered this question a few months back, and while there are no firm numbers on the issue, according to most polls, they claim that 35-40% of all women admit to doing so."
Christopher Hanson

"What is the determining factor in how a turkey tastes?"
Anonymous

"I enjoy all turkey generally, but when it comes to seperating out the best from the best, I look at how juicy and moist the turkey is and I also look for a good full flavor. That may seem generic, but I'm sure that's the answer most people would give."
Christopher Hanson

"Did you know that St. Hubbins was the patron saint of quality footwear?"
Jessy Klimpel, Fargo, ND, NDSU- Fargo, ND

"David St. Hubbins, the lead singer from Spinal Tap, I believe, is probably happy to be the bearer of such a name."
Christopher Hanson

"There seem to be two different camps in the issue of the liquid cocaine shot. One would argue that it requires Jagermeister, a very high proof liquor (Bacardi 151 or Everclear), and some other high proof liqueur such as Rumpleminze or Goldschlager. The other side would argue that it requires Southern Comfort, amaretto, and pineapple juice along with a bunch of other random ingredients. Please definitively settle this issue once and for all."
Tim Smith, Fargo, ND, NDSU- Fargo, ND

"I understand liquid cocaine to be your version- Jagermeister, 151, and Goldschlager. I've never seen it done any other way. So, I'll go with you on this one. If you're a little weary of going with my opinion, take it from me- I've drank an awful lot in my short life. If you know me, that should be enough."
Christopher Hanson

"What does it mean to 'prise the rent out of the local Hebrews'?"
Tim Smith, Fargo, ND, NDSU- Fargo, ND

"Ask Christopher Guest, not Christopher Hanson."
Christopher Hanson

"I'm not a Broncos fan and Jake Plummer sucks, why do I root for him? Is it his devil-may-care attitude? Is it the brotherhood of the beard? Help me understand my love for a mediocre quarterback."
Eric Solberg, Minneapolis, MN

"I wouldn't go so far as to say that Jake Plummer sucks. I would rather say that he's inconsistent. He has some really good games- such as three quarters of his season last year. Then, he has awful days against good and bad teams. But, I do see the connection as far as the beards go, you two could be best buddies. Let's face it, though, Jake may have some bad days, but he's a bad-ass guy who doesn't mind getting abrasive with other players (or people according to the newspapers). He can get things done when the elements are there and he's feeling comfortable. That's why I love him, and that's why you do (or should) love him as well."
Christopher Hanson

"Why don't you guys ever update? Is it because you've been poaching deer with an AK-47 assault rifle for the last three weeks?"
Tim Smith, Fargo, ND, NDSU- Fargo, ND

"It's funny that you mention that, because over at work, me and a co-worker were just talking about how much fun it might be to 'borrow' some of the weapons for a weekend from my workplace and go out and take out some wild animals (such as deer, considering it is the season) and such. Have you been spying on us? Anyhow, I'm updating right now, so shut up, Sheep Dog."
Christopher Hanson

"Why is it 'kosher' at a party for a girl to grab another girl's boobs, but it's not okay for one guy to lightly massage another guy's package through his pants?"
Anonymous

"It's just like the mystery of how many licks it takes to get to the center of a Tootsy-Pop. The world may never know. That, or I just don't care to think about your question. Well, it's probably a little bit of both..."
Christopher Hanson

"Who's going to win the midterm election: the Republicans, the Democrats, or me?"
Tim Smith, Fargo, ND, NDSU- Fargo, ND

"This would've been so much more fun to answer if I would've gotten to it before the elections."
Christopher Hanson

"Do you think it's strange that two grown men have a ritual of watching Spinal Tap before bed?"
Erin Ott, Casselton, ND, NDSU- Fargo, ND

"Considering that we both know this question is pertaining to- well...no. I bet they both still wet the bed, too, though..."
Christopher Hanson

"Where was Tide laundry detergent invented?"
Anonymous

"During World Wars I & II, an animal and vegetable fat shortage triggered the creation of detergent surfactants. Procter & Gamble invented Tide in 1943 right here in the good old USA."
Christopher Hanson

"Is there a chance that Patents Pending will play 'Treat Her Right', by Roy Head and the Traits, or a more recent arrangement from George Thorogood and the Destroyers?"
Andy Scaaf, Mandan, ND, NDSU- Fargo, ND

"I used to do that song in my miliary band in San Antonio- it's a really great song, and you can do some screaming in the tune. The horn parts are pretty easy to learn, and it's just an overall good song from the old-school. I'll see what I can do."
Christopher Hanson

"Could you tell a story about an experience that was so traumatically embarassing that you wouldn't even feel comfortable writing about it on this site?"
Anonymous

"I'm pretty open about everything I write on this site, so I guess I feel that I've written about most every embarasssing situation I've been in (over the last five years or so, anyhow). I know this isn't an answer to the question at all, but that's all I've got. The most embarassing thing I've done that I can think of was talking about an attractive girl and how attractive I thought she was in front of her boyfriend without knowing that he was just that- her boyfriend. I felt like such an idiot, although all involved did laugh, and I didn't get my ass kicked like I should've."
Christopher Hanson

"Where can I find the song 'Fifty Stars'?"
Anonymous

"Fifty Stars is not a song that I'm familiar with, nor could I find any information about a song with this title."
Christopher Hanson

"How much is an autographed baseball card of Matt Morris worth?"
Anonymous

"Autographed items don't have a firm price, which is why you usually find them being sold in online auctions and such. The price that these itms are sold at are based largely on their sentimental value to a dealer or a fan, and the values are based on personal attributes, making the values rangeable and negotiable. As far as going to a baseball card shop, most places don't deal in autographed cards, as there's not usually a way to authenticate such items."
Christopher Hanson

"Doesn't Andy Schaaf seem like a really cool and interesting person?"
Tim Smith, Fargo, ND, NDSU- Fargo, ND

"I think Andy is interesting, though I don't know him very well. I do know that he's a solid drummer. I also know that he renounced (or partialy renounced) his ties to UND, so more power to him for that at the very least. Oh, and Tim Smith is a sheepdog."
Christopher Hanson

"What made Lee decide to invade the north?"
Lizabeth, Springfield, IL, Carroll/Rosenwald School- Chicago, IL

"General Lee wanted to head north with the momentum that his army had after being victorious at the second battle of Bull Run just a week earlier. His army's morale was high and he wanted to head in there with his army's spirits at it's best. It was harvest season at the time, and the timing was perfect to attack in order to obtain supplies, clothing, and food. But, the biggest objective was to attack in the north and gain the attention of England and France, perhaps giving the south some momentum and support from Europe. I assume that you can understand how that fits into the whole Civil War if you understand the concept of the North vs. the south."
Christopher Hanson

"In the Judas Priest tune 'Living After Midnight', how much after midnight are they talking about? It's so non-specific it makes me slightly uneasy. Would the song be more effective if it were titled 12:04?"br> Andy Schaaf, Mandan, ND, NDSU- Fargo, ND

"You have effectively taken a step in the wrong direction in the joining of a bandwagon which I intend on destroying sometime in the near future. Congratulations on becoming a part of that. Write your will."
Christopher Hanson

"Why do you rag on that Mike Vacha guy once in awhile? I met him once and he seemed very articulate and intelligent. He was also sort of sexy."
Anonymous

"I don't really rag on him as much as I physically assault him by punching him and tossing him into lockers. I only keep doing that because he laughs when I do it, leaving with no other assumption except to think that he likes it. I like it too as it brings my stress down a notch or two."
Christopher Hanson

"Hi Chris! Will the 188th Army Band be in the Minot area anytime soon?"
Jennifer Melgaard, Minot, ND

"Afraid not, or at least not that I know of. I'm in charge of all of the operations and planning for the band here, and we've got nothing on the calendar. However, if I'm ever in Minot, or if you're ever in Fargo, we need to get together. Hope all is well with you and your family..."
Christopher Hanson

"What percentage of guys masturbate on a regular basis? How about girls? Why is that number so different?"
Anonymous

"Studies show that about 55% of adult males masterbate (80% of teenaged males masterbate), while 38% of adult females masterbate (59% of teenaged females masterbate). When you look at those numbers, there isn't a huge difference between the two. However, it is said that women masterbate less because of social norms that have been established. It's based on the norm that women who don’t express their sexuality and who don’t give in to many of their sexual needs are deemed as 'good' in our society. Also, there is a social norm that basically says that men have less self-control and are less responsible to control themselves and their actions."
Christopher Hanson

"Do you plan on going to the University of Minnesota vs NDSU game?"
Erin Ott, Casselton, ND, NDSU- Fargo, ND

"I'd love to, however, I'll be playing the NDSU Opera Theatre presentation of The Pirates of Penzance. I will watch it on TV, though."
Christopher Hanson

"Why do my chocolate chip cookies turn out like pancakes? They are delicious, but they look like crap. If you help me figure out this problem, I'll bake you a batch."
Erin Ott, Casselton, ND, NDSU- Fargo, ND

"I would need to know what you're putting into those cookies to tell you what the problem is. Dano and I used to make cookies...and cakes, too. We made them for all of the girls in the music department. But, that's off the topic. Tell me what you're putting into the cookies, and we'll go from there. And, yes, I would love a batch, pancake-like or not."
Christopher Hanson

"Can you provide me with six questions that could be used to survey student's satisfaction with prices, selection, and quality of food served in school cafeterias?"
Margie, Mt. Laurel, NJ

"How is the quality and taste of the food? Is there a good selection and variety of foods? How nutritious is the food that is served? Is the selection and quality of the food worth the dollar amount that you pay per meal? Are healthy choices or alternatives provided? Are meat-free, vegitarian, or vegan entrees provided to those who chose to dine on such meals?"
Christopher Hanson

"I am divorced and am living with my new partner. My children have access to their dad, but we want to move to Colchester. What rights does he have regarding access, as we have an order set up through the county court."
Amanda Hill, Amsterdam, Netherlands

"To be honest with you, I have no idea being that you're from another country, and I don't know how their law works. Furthermore, you want to move to the United Kingdon, out of your current country of the Netherlands. If you were in America, I would guess that you would need to go back to court and negotiate a new access agreement for your children and their father. I can assume that the seperation was peaceful and that the father has shown that he poses no threat to the children, therefor, he should still have the right to see his children. According to my research, Colchester is in the UK and is about 400 miles away. A new court order would have to be worked out. I would imagine that at issue would be your new partner (more so if it is a same-sex partner) and the fact that you're moving out of the country."
Christopher Hanson

"Can dolphins kill themselves?"
Justin, Unknown

"I would assume there's some way that they could considering that dolphins are some of the smartest animals in the world. As to how they would do such a thing, I have no idea, after all- I'm just a stupid human being."
Christopher Hanson

"Why does Nash Finch's Fargo Distribution Center insist on stacking their Angus Pride meat pallets so the labels are facing in, making it utterly impossible to determine what is in each box?"
Tim Smith, Fargo, ND, NDSU- Fargo, ND

"I don't know. Maybe Nash Finch hates you. Maybe this is God's way of telling you that you're a bad person. Maybe it's because Nash Finch's employees find it humerous to make others suffer...sort of like you."
Christopher Hanson

"How are your new shoes holding up? Were you satisfied with the level of customer service you were provided as well as the extreme studliness of the sales associate that helped you?"
Ben Cory, Fargo, ND, NDSU- Fargo, ND

"My new Doc's are holding up quite nicely, thank you very much. I was definately satisfied with the high level of customer service. The gentleman who helped me was friendly, helpful, and most of all, high in the stud catagory. I will shop for my shoes every day of the year and twice on Sunday at Tradehome at the West Acres Mall in Fargo, North Dakota."
Christopher Hanson

"Why does everyone think I don't have a soul?"
Tim Smith, Fargo, ND, NDSU- Fargo, ND

"Simple- because you don't."
Christopher Hanson

"What's your favorite Spinal Tap song?"
Tim Smith, Fargo, ND, NDSU- Fargo, ND

"Stonehenge. It's the only one I can honestly think of at this moment."
Christopher Hanson

"How much is a Roberto Clemente baseball card worth?"
Brandon, Unknown

"Well, on eBay, there are cards ranging from under $100 all the way up to $3500. Various baseball card shops list the 1955 Topps baseball card ranging from $1000 up to $3000. Other years are as low as $40 per card. What year, and what baseball card manufacturer it is makes a huge difference in the price of the card. The bottom line, though, as with any collectible, is that it is only worth what you can get someone to pay for it."
Aaron Beseler

"At my two jobs, it seems like everything is plastered with NSF. What does that mean?"
Alex Shepard, Fargo, ND, NDSU- Fargo, ND

"To answer that question accurately would require a knowledge of what exactly your job is. The initials "NSF" can stand for many different things. The first one that pops into my mind is "Non-sufficient funds" so if you work in any sort of banking or money-related job, that's probably it. It could mean "National Science Foundation" which is a foundation based out of Virginia that focuses on, well, science. The "National Sanitation Foundation" is concerned with public health and safety, so maybe that's it. Basically, I'm guessing most of the time those three initials refer to the financially-related terms."
Aaron Beseler

"How do birds get bald heads?"
Anonymous

"Condors and vultures are the most well-known of bald-headed birds. It's interesting to note and point out that Bald Eagles are not actually bald, they have white feathers on their head, the opposite color of the rest of the dark feathers on their bodies. Anyhow, in the case of vultures and condors, these birds are born with no hair on their heads. It is believed that the reason they have bald heads is to better facilitate their eating habits. With no hair on their heads (or in most cases, no hair on the heads of necks), it prevents rotting food from sticking to their bodies considering the style in which these birds hunt and eat."
Christopher Hanson

"If you were forced to group a bunch of music by genre, and one of the groups was Bela Fleck and the Flecktones, how would you classify them? I want to say jazz, but I don't know if it's that simple. Beseler thinks they could be funk. Help!"
Mike Vacha, Fargo, ND, NDSU- Fargo, ND

"I would probably disagree with both of you. I definately don't think Bela Fleck could be classified as straight-up jazz. Also, while Victor Wooten is one of the funkiest bass players currently in the world, I don't think the band could be classified as complete funk. I would think they could fall into the new-age catagory of current music, flavored with influences of bluegrass, pop, funk, rock, and jazz. I guess that might be a little broad, but their music covers a lot of bases, and we can't leave the numerous sounds out."
Christopher Hanson

"In refrence to your top ten list ballads, how come 'Open Arms' by Journey isn't on there. I think that many people would agree with me that that is the quintecential power ballad, and probably the best one of all time if you ask me."
Erin Ott, Casselton, ND, NDSU- Fargo, ND

"To each their own opinions, I guess. While I do enjoy this particular song, it just doesn't quite crack my top ten, I guess."
Christopher Hanson

"Why do Canadians like The Guess Who more than Rush?"
Anonymous

"Can you prove that Canadians like The Guess Who more than Rush? Was there some sort of survey somewhere, or is it just a generalization? I'm not a huge fan of Rush to be honest with you, but then again, I'm not a big fan of The Guess Who, either. Rush's The Spirit of Radio and The Guess Who's America Woman are amoung what I consider two of the most annoying and overplayed songs ever. I guess if I had to choose which band I liked better, I would go with Rush, and with that said, I have no idea why Candaians enjoy The Guess Who so much more. (Insta-fact...The Guess Who are from Winnipeg...)"
Christopher Hanson

"If you are cold-blooded, do you feel temperature?"
Erin Ott, Casselton, ND, NDSU- Fargo, ND

"Of course they feel temperature, how else would they tell if they were too hot or too cold within their environments? Being cold-blooded means that these particula animals do not have an internal mechanism for regulating body temperature, and must adapt accordingly."
Christopher Hanson

"What is your top ten favorite ballads by heavy metal bands?"
Anonymous

"See the new top ten from me, your answers will appear there."
Christopher Hanson

"What's the best way to dry out a turd so it doesn't easily crumble for purposes of practical joking?"
Tim Smith, Fargo, ND, NDSU- Fargo, ND

"If you leave it in the sun for a day or two, that should do the job, though I wonder if you really want to dry out a turd if you want to use it for a practical joke. Wouldn't you want it to be a little bit wet? Just my preference."
Christopher Hanson

"Do you think the U.S. Constitution needs an amendment to ban gay marriage?"
Alex Shepard, Fargo, ND, NDSU- Fargo, ND

"No, I do not believe we need an amendment to ban gay marriage. I carry a strong belief that religion should not dictate law, and simply put, it's the Christian right that is sobbing and whining about the possibility of allowing homosexuals to join into a union or a marriage. The 'sanctity of marriage' and the 'sanctity of the family' has been blown up and overused by all Christian conservatives, and I for one am tired of hearing it. I saw an article in Time magazine that asked a really good question- what exactly are gays threatening in the first place? The argument that 'activist judges' are changing things doesn't cut it for me- George Bush has nominated and put into the Supreme Court some of the most conservative judges out there. And as for the sanctity of marriage and family- take a look at the divorce rates out there. If anything, gay marriages might actually help that percentage, but that's neither here nor there. I'm tired of people, mainly conservatives, quoting the bible (Lev. 18:22, 'You shall not lie with a male as one lies with a female, it is an abomination') and using it as a way to change law and restrict the lives of a portion of our population. That's their religious beliefs which are bring used to dictate law, and in my opinion, that's illogical and even unconstitutional in some ways. Everyone is allowed to have an opinion, though, and that's mine."
Christopher Hanson

"Why is your voicemail so f!*king depressing? It makes me want to shoot myself in the face with a bazooka. My guess is you had just listened to Lionel Richie's 'Goodbye'..."
Ben Cory, Fargo, ND, NDSU- Fargo, ND

"I have listened to that song a lot in my life, and I am a sad person in a lot of ways, and I guess if you were to simply consider those two thoughts, yeah, my phone message is pretty depressing. It might be interesting to know that I also never smile in ID photos and I never stay sober at weddings, which are supposed to be some of the happiest celebrations ever. I should seek therapy..."
Christopher Hanson

"If a business's sole operation was buying, scratching, and redeeming one-dollar lottery tickets, what would be the appropriate treatment of tickets yet unscratched at the end of the period in terms of financial statement preparation? Since the odds of winning are only about one in four, it seems that it would be unsuitable to record them as assets at cost since that would violate the fundamental accounting principals of conservative reporting. On the other hand, if the tickets were recorded at their average market value, 25 to 30 cents each, would the 70 to 75 cent loss be accounted for as a prepaid operating expense or a loss on inventory? Along those lines, it may not be fitting to treat the tickets as assets at all since by their very nature they instantly lose, retain, or gain in value following their initial use and have no useful life after that. Obviously, this fact would make them virtually impossible to depreciate, which furthers the case against their treatment as assets. Perhaps the best solution would be to treat each dollar spent on a ticket as an operating expense and the 25 to 30 cent average redemption value as sales revenue. However, I am no accountant and I know how you Asian guys are great with numbers, so I'll leave it up to you to determine the proper actions to take in this case."
Tim Smith, Fargo, ND, NDSU- Fargo, ND

"You know that I can not answer this question. You know that I'm bad at math and I'm bad with numbers. You know that I dislike you. You know that I enjoy red meat. You know that I watch a lot of football and NASCAR. You know that you're eating two ham and cheddar sandwiches as I write this. You know that I think you're always going to be a bad person. You know that I think you look like a sheepdog. You know that I think Barry Bonds used steroids, although most of America agrees. You know that you're going to hell, don't you? I'm getting tired of typing about nothing. In summary, you're a fat, mean, unpopular sheepdog-looking person who is going to hell. Oh, and I'm looking forward to your next question."
Christopher Hanson

"Why do Ewoks look like George Clinton?"
Anonymous

Ewok

George Clinton

"I never thought about it. I have no explination. They do sort of look the same, I guess. Strange. I don't know. What can I say. I'm speechless."
Christopher Hanson

"Can you ignite paper in the microwave?"
Anonymous

"No, not as far as I know. If there was metal in there with the paper, then I would believe it's possible. I really don't know for sure. I looked on the internet, and found nothing that could lead me to believe that the paper could light on fire or not. I guess the short of the long is that I really don't know, and I can't find anything that would tell me otherwise. Note: I got D's in all science classes."
Christopher Hanson

"Yay cats! I mean...yay cats? I might still be drunk from last night?"
Russell Pfaff, Fargo, ND

"Cats are cool, especially Tanner. Yay cats, yes, as long as they're fun and have personality. And, yes, I do believe that you might be drunk from last night."
Christopher Hanson

"What time is it?"
Eddie Schwind, Fargo, ND, NDSU- Fargo, ND

"The current time as I write this answer is 9:52pm EST. The time you wrote the question was 2:08pm CST."
Christopher Hanson

"I'm trying to get in touch with Eddie Schwind. We're old friends (I tutored him in delinquency). Do you have an e-mail address for him? Or, in the event that you're suspicious of my spaming intentions, pass along my e-mail to him along with this message: 'How the hell are ya, f&%$er!' Thank you."
Kristina, Portland, OR

"You sound very much like someone who knows Eddie. As a matter of fact, I feel like I know you very well already. I'll pass it along."
Christopher Hanson

"Solve this one for us- we were talking about it at lunch today and couldn't come up with a good answer- How do male birds fertilize the eggs to make baby birds?"
Jen Fluhrer, Minneapolis, MN

"From what I can see and read, birds have sex to reproduce like other animals, though it's nothing really special- it apparently takes seconds, then it's done. It's not done while flying (which some people seem to think happens a lot), it's done while on the ground. There is a courting period involved to find a mate, and while often a female bird has a new mate each year, in some cases, female birds find their old mates the following years. That's about all I know, or at least all I want to know..."
Christopher Hanson

"Chris, do you ever tire of being a douchebag?"
Anonymous

"I apparently never tire of being a douchebag. And, who the hell do I know in Middletown, New Jersey?"
Christopher Hanson

"How do the touchpads on our laptops work?"
Erin Ott, Fargo, ND, NDSU- Fargo, ND

"They don't. I use a wireless mouse."
Christopher Hanson

"Why is underage drinking such a heinous, unreconcilable criminal act in this country?"
Tim Smith, Fargo, ND, NDSU- Fargo, ND

"Because Chris Magnus thought it was, and Keith Ternes shares the belief. Well, that at least covers Fargo. Of all the places I've ever lived, Fargo is the one city that has produced actual missions to seek out and find underage drinking (i.e. The Party Patrol). I can't speak for the rest of the country, but I guess underage drinking is one of the crimes that the police around here have gotten good at catching, and if it can be construed as 'good numbers', why would they step off of that success. Besides, what else aside from DUI's and traffic violations are the Fargo police really catching in an area where crime is not running astray? There's really arguement overall anymore, though, since the police and other hard-asses can always fall back on the fact that underage drinking is in fact 'against the law'. We should all move to Europe."
Christopher Hanson

"Don't you think that the Burger King 'King' looks just like George W. Bush? I think so. Speaking of the 'King', do you have dreams of having him bring you a meat-normous omelette sandwich in the morning through your window? I think that would be pretty cool."
Erin Ott, Fargo, ND, NDSU- Fargo, ND

"I can't honestly say that I think President Bush and the Burger 'King' look much alike, but I can say that I dislike them both just about equally. They're both annoying, they're both on TV too much, people like both of them too much, and I want them both to go away for a while, if not forever. As for your second question, I admit that I love the meat-normous omelette sandwich very much, but for the 'King' to bring it to me through my window- well, that would just be much too creepy, and plus, if ANYONE is breaking into my house while I'm asleep, he or she is probably going to get an ass-whooping from me. I hate the Burger 'King', and if he's anywhere near me, he's a dead man. End of story."
Christopher Hanson

"They just hired someone at my work who is 15 years old. That is 5 years younger then me. Do I need to quit and find a job where everyone is older than me? I don't like being the oldest employee at my work...I feel old...tell me I'm not old..."
Shantel Roll, Dickinson, ND, NDSU- Fargo, ND

"This all depends. Where do you work and what do you do there? Have you worked there for a long time? Are you high on the ranking laddar, and are you in charge of anyone? I guess if you like your job, you should keep it regardless of how much older you might be than most of the other workers. And, no, dear- you are not old. I am old. When your knees start to hurt when the seasons change and when bad weather is coming, then you know you're getting older. Have a good summer!"
Christopher Hanson

"Will I ever see you again?"
Ron Storhaug, Bismarck, ND, NDSU- Fargo, ND

"Yes, and sooner than you think, might I add. Have fun in the Bizzo..."
Christopher Hanson

"When are you going to update? Jeez..."
Ben Cory, Fargo, ND, NDSU- Fargo, ND

"Are you still alive?"
Ron Storhaug, Bismarck, ND, NDSU- Fargo, ND

"Right now, gentlemen, I am updating, which also proves that I am indeed alive. Relax, folks, I'm still kicking..."
Christopher Hanson

"Why does Jessy ask so many 'Judas Priest' questions over and over and over again?"
Alex Shepard, Fargo, ND, NDSU- Fargo, ND

"To be completely accurate, it's not just Jessy asking the stupid Priest questions, it's also Tim Smith, along with the occasional shout-out from Mike Vacha. Jessy actually likes Judas Priest, which I've never quite figured out. Tim is just trying to be irritating, which he's extremely good at (along with being a fat sheepdog, mind you). Mike is just Mike. Anyhow, the only reason Jessy asks so many questions is because he knows I don't really like Judas Priest that much. For the record, the only two Priest tunes I sort of enjoy include Living After Midnight and Parental Guidance."
Christopher Hanson

"Why the f&#k did I graduate?"
Matthew Drucker, Segou, Mali (somewhere in Africa)

"I don't know, but all of the incoming freshmen girls for the next five-ten years are thankful."
Christopher Hanson

"Does Judas Priest eat fish?"
Tim Smith, Fargo, ND, NDSU- Fargo, ND

"Sure. I believe his favorite kind is an extremely rare fish called 'suckfish', which you apparently eat a large quantity of as well..."
Christopher Hanson

"Does Priest sleep?"
Tim Smith, Fargo, ND, NDSU- Fargo, ND

"Unfortunately, yes. According to tests on lab rats, they survived three weeks without any sleep before finally dying. It would be a terrible fate for Judas Priest to succumb to this sort of thing. (I'm rolling my eyes right now...)"
Christopher Hanson

"Will Priest be playing at Jass this year?"
Tim Smith, Fargo, ND, NDSU- Fargo, ND

"No. Not this year. Not next year. Not ever. Tim Smith is fat."
Christopher Hanson

"What Priest performance has most impacted human history?"
Tim Smith, Fargo, ND, NDSU- Fargo, ND

"Priest has not yet performed it's greatest show, but when they do, I'll let you know. I can assume that their last show will have a huge impact on all humans since there will no longer be any awful butt rock littering our airwaves ever again. I certainly hope that day will be soon..."
Christopher Hanson

"When is the next stop on your bar tour gonna be?"
Alex Shepard, Fargo, ND, NDSU- Fargo, ND

"Russ and I have decided to halt the tour for now. We're not going to be able to complete the tour due to work, time, and funds. We'll get back it sometime soon..."
Christopher Hanson

"What is Jesse Klimpel's favorite type of Schnitzel?"
Ron Storhaug, Bismarck, ND, NDSU- Fargo, ND

"The type that you can eat. Actually, I'd go even further- the type that one can digest."
Christopher Hanson

" What kind of shampoo do you think Halford uses? Or does he use shampoo at all?"
Jessy Klimpel, Fargo, ND, NDSU- Fargo, ND

"Halford is bald, isn't he? Well, it's still a good idea to use shampoo since soap on your bald head will dry up your scalp. Head and Shoulders, or any other anti-flaking shampoos would work well."
Christopher Hanson

"If 'Priest' drove a submarine, what would they name it?"
Jessy Klimpel, Fargo, ND, NDSU- Fargo, ND

"The USS I Play in an Awful Band."
Christopher Hanson

"What does 'Priest' eat for a midnight snack, (and no you can't turn this into a Fat Jessy joke)?"
Jessy Klimpel, Fargo, ND, NDSU- Fargo, ND

"Who cares? Judas Priest sucks."
Christopher Hanson

"When is Patents Pending going to try and get the opening gig for Priest?"
Jessy Klimpel, Fargo, ND, NDSU- Fargo, ND

"Never. Oh, and you're fired from Patents Pending."
Christopher Hanson

"Do fish sleep?"
Jessy Klimpel, Fargo, ND, NDSU- Fargo, ND

"Most all fish spend time in an energy-saving state that can be called 'rest', and we might even call their behavior 'sleep', though it is probably different than 'sleep' in most land animals. Many fish, like bass and perch, rest on or under logs at night. Coral reef fish active in the day, hide and rest in crevices and cracks in the reef to avoid being eaten at night. The resting behavior of fish is very different from their behavior the rest of the day. Many minnows, for example, which are very active in schools during the day, scatter and remain motionless in shallow water at night. Many fish 'rest' or 'sleep' during the day and are active at night instead, but almost all fish sleep. There are some animals that never stop swimming, like many species of shark. However, they have to keep moving to push water through their mouths in order to breathe, and they may somehow still sleep while moving."
Christopher Hanson

"Do you think the members of 'Priest' participate in riveting games of Guitar Hero?"
Jessy Klimpel, Fargo, ND, NDSU- Fargo, ND

"In keeping with my theory that Guitar Hero makes good musicians into blobs of waste, I'm sure the members play hours and hours of Guitar Hero on the bus and on their free moments during a tour."
Christopher Hanson

"When I ask for water at a fast food restaurant, why do I get a smaller and possibly substandard cup than I would if I had ordered a pop? Is water not good enough for the bigger cup? If it is a matter of cost, it still makes no sense. Most places have self-serve pop fountains and I could steal the carbonated beverage with my inferior cup anyway."
Ben Cory, Fargo, ND, NDSU- Fargo, ND

"Guess what, Ben- often if you ask for a normal-sized cup, they'll give it to you. Now, quit being a bitch (and I mean that in the nicest way possible). That is all."
Christopher Hanson

"When are you going to post those damned pictures?"
Ron Storhaug, Bismarck, ND, NDSU- Fargo, ND

"And by damned pictures, you probably mean the jazz tour pictures. They're up, now. Oh, and thanks for coming by on Friday...oh, wait. You didn't come by. I know where I stand..."
Christopher Hanson

"Suppose a test allows a student to pick which questions to answer. In how many different ways can a student choose a set of 8 questions to answer out a group of 10 questions?"
Anonymous

"According to Eddie Schwind, the answer is 45."
Christopher Hanson

"Often, I am able to associate the colour of an object to its taste. Is it really possible to 'taste' colours (eg. pink and cotton candy goodness)?"
Jenny Thompson, Fargo, ND, NDSU- Fargo, ND

"I don't think it's possible to taste colors (or colours for that matter). There are millions of tastes for all colors for the most part. I believe that it is indeed an association trait of sorts, as you basically stated in your question."
Christopher Hanson

"Can you help me look up the hypothesis of thumb wrestling?"
Tanisha

"A hypothesis is a suggested explanation of a phenomenon or reasoned proposal suggesting a possible correlation between multiple phenomena. I'm not so sure thumb wrestling is a phenomenon of any sort. Now, if you were trying to prove that thumb wrestling has some sort of strange effect on a person or an object, we might be able to propose some sort of a hypothesis."
Christopher Hanson

"What has been your favorite bar so far on your bar tour?"
Alex Shepard, Fargo, ND, NDSU- Fargo, ND

"I must admit that I enjoy all of the bars we've visited, although due to schedules and what not, Russ and I are pretty sure we're not even going to get close to completing the tour. We might extend the time a little, and just go until we finish the tour, but I guess this isn't answering your question at all. My favorite bar, hands down, is probably Lauerman's. We've been hanging out there for a long time, and it just feels like home when we're there. We know all of te servers and bartenders there. The scooners are the coolest glasses to drink beer out of. They have darts and pinball. The list goes on and on."
Christopher Hanson

"Could you please tell me if the post office on Delmar Clemente is closed on Friday, the 14th."
Anonymous, San Clemente, CA

"I guess it's a little late for me to be answering this, but the post office should've been open on Good Friday. The only holidays the post office is closed are: New Years, MLK Jr. Day, President's Day, Memorial Day, 4th of July, Labor Day, Columbus Day, Veterans Day, Thanksgiving, and Christmas."
Christopher Hanson

"Where is my bike rack? Over..."
Russell Pfaff, Fargo, ND

"At Al's place or in Colorado. Out..."
Christopher Hanson

"Chris, if I started a collection of Beseler's horrible deaths (in flash format), would you post them on your site - in the same manner, say, Tim Smith has his opinions on there?"
Mike Vacha, Fargo, ND, NDSU- Fargo, ND

"We would need to discuss the term, but I think we might be able to make the arrangements..."
Christopher Hanson

"Whats with you giving the 'o-face' in the picture of the 'football bat'? Is this a new game you guys came up with? Perhaps you could use the phrase 'throw the D home' in it..."
Ben Cory, Fargo, ND, NDSU- Fargo, ND

"Perhaps. It's been a long time since I've done that, perhaps you're right- it is time."
Christopher Hanson

"Is it just me, or does Chris kind of look like a tundra swan?"
Tim Smith, NDSU, Fargo, ND

"Well, Tim, I was going to do an in-depth analysis of facial characteristics and such, but I thought, 'A picture is worth a thousand words' right?"

VS
Tundra Swan                                             Chris Hanson

"I'll just leave it up to you to decide......"
Aaron Beseler

"What is your favorite winds or concert band piece ever written? What about your favorite choral piece?"
Anonymous

"As far as a instrumental goes in the world in the concert bands, I guess I've always maintained that Elegy for a Young American, by Lo Presti is my favorite. The emotion generated from that piece is amazing. (Just in case you didn't know, it's a tone poem that was penned after JFK's death...) As for choral, it's a toss-up between Lauridsen's O Magnum Mysterium and Rene Clausen's Peace I Leave With You."
Christopher Hanson

"Who shot J.R. on Dallas, anyhow?"
Anonymous

"Kristin, J.R.'s sister-in-law."
Christopher Hanson

"So I keep hearing that Natasha Bedingfield song 'Unwritten'. Most of the lyrics sound pretty poetic and flow together, but what the hell is a 'dirty window'? Sounds obscene if you ask me...or am I looking to much into this?"
Ben Cory, Fargo, ND, NDSU- Fargo, ND

"The lyrics are fairly poetic as you reported and the song dues indeed flow, I can agree with you on these things. However, I think you are indeed looking too much into things when it comes to the 'dirty window'. I probably would have done the same as well. Also, remember not to confuse 'the dirty window' with 'the dirty licker'..."
Christopher Hanson

"Tim Stine must really love you to know 87% about everything that's ever happened to you..."
Anonymous

"Apparently so."
Christopher Hanson

"Hey Beseler, why does Chris hate tundra swans so much?"
Tim Smith, Fargo, ND, NDSU- Fargo, ND

"Well, Tim, I can only conclude that Chris' dislike of tundra swans stems from a lack of information. I mean, after all, how could someone not appreciate a bird whose wings make a loud whistling sound while flying, as is the case with the whistling swan, one of the two species that are commonly classified as 'tundra' swans. The other species, the Bewick's swan, pairs with a mate for life and is often joined by their previous offspring in a sort of 'family reunion.' The whistling swan also has a soft slightly brassy call. Another impressive fact is that they can fly at altitudes of up to 27,000 feet...that's flippin' high! With all those impressive traits, how could someone not like tundra swans? I don't know...maybe it's because the swans are excellent swimmers and Chris is afraid of water? Or maybe it's just because he doesn't like webbed feet. Weird."
Aaron Beseler

"When can I expect Patents Pending to include a cover of Rascall Flatts' 'These Days' to their repertoire? If it is included, can I sing? If not sing, can I stand on stage and do all the actions you and I skillfully invented?"
Ben Cory, Fargo, ND, NDSU- Fargo, ND

"I have my doubts that we would ever add that song to the list, though I do love that song. I love the dance even more. Perhaps we could do that dance sometime during a break, I can put it on the break disc. Or, maybe we can go to the OB and dance to it. We'd pick up all the chicks. Yeah..."
Christopher Hanson

"With reference to competitive markets, explain the concept of economic equilibrium."
Rob, Ireland, Open University

"I can't lie to you- I don't really know much about this, and I wouldn't know where to start with researching an answer for a question like this. I do know that economic equilibrium can be defined as a concept where what a business, company, or market buys is exactly what the demand for the product is, in essance, breaking even. You can click here to read a little more about it. I can understand the idea of economic equilibrium at face value, but the application of it to the topic of competitive markets- well, I simply have no idea. Rob- 1. Chris- 0."
Christopher Hanson

"What is your favorite day of the week, and why?"
Alex Shepard, Fargo, ND, NDSU- Fargo, ND

"Any day that ends in 'day' since I can drink any 'day' of the week. No, just kidding...I think. Seriously, Sunday is probably my favorite day of the week since it's the best chance for me to not have anything going on and it's the best chance for me to actually rest up. I guess that's perfect since Monday is back to work and more."
Christopher Hanson

"What Judas Priest songs most focus one's chi when hunting tundra swans?"
Tim Smith, Fargo, ND, NDSU- Fargo, ND

"How about All Guns Blazing? Perhaps Dead Meat? Maybe even Killing Machine. You know- good wholesome music that the whole family can enjoy."
Christopher Hanson

"Do you think our nation will take military action into Iran too? If so, when? How many other nations will we invade before Bush is out of office?"
Alex Shepard, Fargo, ND, NDSU- Fargo, ND

"I'm not sure how much you follow politics, but you may have heard of the National Security Strategy, which President Bush released just a few days ago. If you read through it, I think it pretty much tells us that he will indeed pursue military action against Iran. I have no idea when, but I guess it would be after the referals run their course in the U.N. As for how many other nations, Bush's NSS had some pretty sharp words for North Korea, China, and Russia. However, I would assume that none of these countries are on the war agenda. I do believe that Iran is on course for military action, and simply refer to a quote from Stephen Hadley, one of Bush's National Security advisors. He said, 'The president's strategy affirms that the doctrine of pre-emption remains sound and must remain an integral part of our national security strategy'. There you have it."
Christopher Hanson

"What equipment (firearms, ammunition, decoys, clothing, etc.) have you found to be most effective when hunting tundra swans?"
Tim Smith, Fargo, ND, NDSU- Fargo, ND

"I have no answer for your question since I know nothing about tundra swan or how to hunt them. However, I can honestly and clearly tell you that I hate you, and wish that you would just disappear. No one likes fat sheepdogs, anyhow."
Christopher Hanson

"What are your favorite five songs to perform with Patents Pending?"
Alex Shepard, Fargo, ND, NDSU- Fargo, ND

"Tough question. I like a good portion of the songs we play. But, I guess if I were to narrow it down to five, I would go with Superstition, Mustang Sally, Rudy's Way, Beverly Hills, and (of course) Sell Out."
Christopher Hanson

"Have you started making plans yet for the opening of North Dakota tundra swan season on September 30th?"
Tim Smith, Fargo, ND, NDSU- Fargo, ND

"First of all, how do you know about that, anyhow? (I checked and researched- he is indeed correct about the date and the season, it says so on The North Dakota Game and Fish Department website...) Second of all, do you hunt? Oh, and to answer your question, I have not started planning what I'm going to do, if anything. It's a good guess that I'll be at Lauerman's that Saturday, though. Are you surprised?"
Christopher Hanson

"Do you think global warming is just something made up by a bunch of tree huggers, or is a serious concern for our generation, or generations to come? What do you think some consequences of global warming might be?"
Alex Shepard, Fargo, ND, NDSU- Fargo, ND

"I do think global warming is something to worry about, plenty of scientists have said so. I'm not completely moved by all of the enviromentalists in the nation, but I am convinced by science, and I do think that we need to start thinking about ways to take care of our earth better in the future. The consequences that I'm most concerned about for future generations include ocean levels rising and flooding current land, shifts in the climate, and the quality of our air. History has shown how major changes come and go on earth, and this could be the start of a change that will leave our children, grandchildren, and beyond looking back and wondering why we did what we did in the past."
Christopher Hanson

"With a short 90 days for the run of the bar tour, and 59 bars to hit, how confident are you that we can pull it off? Should we lower the three beer per bar minimum?"
Russ Pfaff, Fargo, ND

"I am confident that we will complete the tour. The three drink minimum will be lowered to two, so that we can go to more than one bar on a weekend night. The list will also be a little bit modified to only include bars that are not associated with eating establishments unless a)there is gaming, b)smoking is allowed, and/or c)the bar is open later than the eating establishment."
Christopher Hanson

"Why are the streets and sidewalks of NDSU so prone to puddles and standing water? Do we not have enough engineers and architects to fix this problem?"
Alex Shepard, Fargo, ND, NDSU- Fargo, ND

"The same reason the Fargodome and the NDSU Library floods whenever we have too much rain or melting snow. You present a good point, although we should keep in mind the fact that lots of our A&E grads leave this state because there's no jobs or opportunities for them around here, leaving us with what we've got."
Christopher Hanson

"You talk a lot about drinking on your site. Don't you think you might be an alcoholic?"
Anonymous

"An alcoholic is someone who drinks because they feel that they have to or because they can't stop. While I admit that I have been drinking kind of a lot over the past while, I do know that I don't need to drink, and I know that I can stop when want to."
Christopher Hanson

"When is Jass 2006 going to be?"
Matt Tintes, Fargo, ND

"What an excellent question that is. We researched out all of the dates we could in May and early June, and none of those will work. I don't want to do the festival during the heart of the summer due to summer school, National Guard annual training periods, and the 'lake season'. Therefor, I think we're going to shoot for the first or second weekend of August just like we used to do it before back in Minot. We'll have an official set of dates coming soon."
Christopher Hanson

"Will Patents be playing at this year's Battle of the Bands?"
Tim Smith, Fargo, ND, NDSU- Fargo, ND

"There is a possibility that we might enter the show. We've talked about it over the years, but have never followed through on it, mostly because we have always assumed it would be sort of a biased contest that we could never win. However, when Garden Party won it a few years ago, we realized we could have a shot. So, I can't say yes at this time, but I do in fact want to play the contest."
Christopher Hanson

"Does anyone know where I could get the song from the Tide Laundry Detergent commercial where the black mother is watching her son as he grows up and she's washing his football shirt?"
Suzie

"The song in question is called My Little Man, and it's by Jeff Choratz and Torri Griffen. It's performed by Christina Saldanha. Click here to grab an mp3 of this song."
Christopher Hanson

"What's your biggest pet peeve when you're driving?"
Tim Smith, Fargo, ND, NDSU- Fargo, ND

"People who aren't paying attention because they're talking on a cell phone piss me off. While I'm not a real big fan of anyone talking on the phone can driving, if you can multi-task and pay attention to what the hell you're doing, that's fine. However, we always seem to see these people in their brand new gas-gulping SUV's talking on their cell phones while they're trying to eat a danish on their way to their 'important jobs'. Let's do away with these people, please."
Christopher Hanson

"Where do babies come from?"
Ron Storhaug, Bismarck, ND, NDSU- Fargo, ND

"A couple of years ago, we had that question on a survey on the site. A few of the better answers to the question..."
Christopher Hanson

A. Not me B. The stork C. Korea D. Alcohol E. All of the above
Erika Beseler (Thompson)

Wal-Mart? They have everything else. And besides, if you found a cheaper baby anyplace else, they'd match the price.
Matt Larson

Your belly, and I told you we'll get married.
Al Berg

A little magic and a lot of love.
Robin Childs (Fried)

Not hell...unless they're my cousins.
Jenny Thompson

"Garfield's mouth never moves because you're only hearing what he's thinking, after all, cats can't talk. And, as to your thoughts about Jon understanding Garfield...Pat- it's a damned cartoon. There aren't explinations for everything. I hate you."
Christopher Hanson

"I noticed on a recent post that you said you aren't so fond of the opinion writers at The Spectrum. When you say this, are you including me and my very few pieces I have written? Be honest. I can take it. I wasn't so fond of them, actually. And yes, those writers do get paid. More than they should, sometimes..."
Mike Vacha, Fargo, ND, NDSU- Fargo, ND

"Actually, I've only read one of your works, and I rather enjoyed that. While I didn't want to cite specific names since I plan on doing an editorial on this person sometime in the next few weeks, I will let it out of the bag. Cheryl Childs is the new Melissa Redlin, and I'm going to tell you why soon. Keep your eyes set on the site from time to time. And now that I know that these people get PAID to write in the paper, the fire is being fed..."
Christopher Hanson

"If Sara has $0.68 with her, what would be the smallest money she could carry with her?"
Anonymous, Denver, CO

"After consulting with two smart people (Russ- degree in Architecture, and John- degree in Industrial Engineering), we have come to the conclusion that the smallest money she could be carrying with her is a penny."
Christopher Hanson, John Rogstad, and Russ Pfaff

"How about Mike Lehmann. Is he hot?"
Anonymous

"No. Mike is not hot. To prove it, I plan on putting a picture up of Mike Lehmann on Hot or Not to prove it."
Christopher Hanson

"Do you think Krista Bjornson is really, really hot? I do."
Anonymous

"Are you asking me if I think Krista is hot, or did you just answer the question yourself?"
Christopher Hanson

"Is it true that you don't like Dr. Olfert?"
Anonymous

"It is not true that I don't like Dr. Olfert. I think that we might have some differences in thinking as far as music goes and how we think bands should be run, but he comes from the educational and professional world, while I look at bands in a artsy creative way, and I also come from a military background. By far he is the expert on bands, while I am clearly wet behind the ears in some ways. The best way to put it is that we have creative (but not necessarilly artistic) differences."
Christopher Hanson

"I know that you are not in any ensembles at NDSU except for the Jazz Ensemble anymore, but what is your take on the low attendence at the majority of concerts at NDSU? Do you think it is because they aren't advertised very well, charging admission, or perhaps something else?"
Anonymous

"I did spend a handful of years in a lot of the ensembles at NDSU, including concert band, so I do know how you feel about attendance. Before really answering your question with my thoughts, I think it would be important to point out some of the good things that the department has done to improve attendance. First of all, the department does have sponsors and trade agreements for advertising, and the people in charge have been very good about getting press releases and such out to the media. This is something that has gotten better over the years. So, there have been attempts to make improvements. Now, to respond to your question, I don't think admission is an issue, as virtually all major music programs charge admission for shows. Advertising has been better as I mentioned already. Our department and it's ensembles most certainly play well, so I don't think that's what keeps people from coming out. I think one problem that we do indeed have is the fact that there is a strange lack of interest in the attention to the talents of our young musicians. I don't think the people in the area are snuffing these programs, I just think that they're kind of oblivious to what's out there. There's a certain attitude some people get when they think of a college group performing. They don't attach professionalism and the strive for perfection and expression as the main emphasis of a college program. Instead, they think first of 'musicians in training' or the fact that the ensemble is attached to an educational program, and these people sometimes give no more than a small thought to what the musicians are capable of doing. It's unfortunate that this happens. We are in a bit of a closed-minded area when it comes to these views, and it's hard to say what it is that we can do to change it. I'm not sure if you're aware of my Jass Festival mission, but one of the main purposes of the festival that I run is to get the word out there that there are indeed some of the finest young musicians in the area, and to miss the chance to see them grow is unfortunate. True supporters of the arts will give all forms of arts a chance, including those who are studying to perfect their role in it."
Christopher Hanson

"Someone once told me that every time you masturbate, God kills a kitten. Someone else once told me that there are two types of people in this world, people who masturbate and people who lie. Given these two facts, why isn't the common housecat extinct?"
Matt Chaussee, Fargo, ND

"Well, Matthew, apparently there are a lot of cats in the world..."
Christopher Hanson

"What will you give me if I finally graduate? Will you give me money, respect, or a good punch in the arm?"
Mike Vacha, Fargo, ND, NDSU- Fargo, ND

"Mike, if you do indeed graduate, I will give you a big hug. Then, following the hug, I'll punch you as hard as I can in the arm...or perhaps throw you into a locker or a wall. You know- for old times sake, right?"
Christopher Hanson

"Hey Chris, in that picture with Sara Egge at the top of your home page, did you lean way forward and push your face up to the camera to make your head look extra big?"
Tim Smith, Fargo, ND, NDSU- Fargo, ND

"Yes. I bet you didn't expect that."
Christopher Hanson

"Do you know the history of a fortune cookie?"
Liz, Indio, CA, Indio Middle School- Indio, CA

"First off, if you happen to come back to the site and read the answer to your question, are you from Indio, California? I made the guess. Anyhow, I had a question about this a year or so ago, from Jessy Klimpel. The answer read as follows: There are several stories about fortune cookies and where they came from, but the most believable story is that they were invented in San Francisco by a Japanese immigrant, not the Chineese. Makoto Hagiwara was the landscape designer who created the Japanese Tea Garden in Golden Gate Park. According to Hagiwara, the fortune cookie was based on a Japanese treat called Tsujiura sembei. He sweetened the recipe to appeal to American tastes, enclosed thank-you notes in the cookies, and served them to his guests with tea. There you have it..."
Christopher Hanson

"The dancing chick wearing the white shirt in the pictures from the Legion is hot. Would you ever consider hitting on her?"
Jennifer Schwind, Fargo, ND

"Ummm...well, yes. Except that she's married. Damn it."
Christopher Hanson

"Hey Beseler, is it really fair to blame George Bush for a two-year old getting called for jury duty? You're obviously assuming that W has intricate working knowledge of the judicial branch, while in all likelihood, he is only vaguely aware that it even exists."
Tim Smith, Fargo, ND, NDSU - Fargo, ND

"Well, Tim, obviously my assumption has once again led me astray. George is probably only vaguely aware of what century it is and which foot goes in which shoe, let alone anything of importance. I hadn't thought that W probably can't even spell "judicial" so how could he possibly know what it is? You're right. In fact, he probably can't even spell "branch." Shame on me for assuming the American public could possibly elect a competent president. My half-joking jab has, at least, helped to reiterate the imbecilic persona that is our president, though. Who knows, maybe Dan Quayle can help George W learn how to spell. Then again, a 12-year old beat Quayle in a spelling argument...maybe George should take lessons from a 12-year old instead...might make the country run smoother."
Aaron Beseler

"This is a question for Aaron, in response to his ranting about the English department, based on some information that I recieved from an 'unofficial source': Where you aware that, apparently, many businesses (I don't know how many is many) all over the country (I don't know how 'all over' is 'all over') are now offering entry at a higher pay-rate simply for knowing Spanish? I haven't done any actual research into this, but you might be interested."
Anonymous

"Apparently the source and questioner are both going to have to be 'unofficial sources,' but be that as it may, I will address your question finally after my short hiatus from the site. After doing some research into your comment about higher pay-rates just for knowing Spanish, I have found a couple points of interest. To a degree, your source was correct. That degree, however, covers less than 5% of jobs outside of the fields of education or advertising/marketing. Even in the southern (specifically southwestern) states, there are few jobs that give a substantial pay-rate increase for knowing Spanish. In fact, there have been schools who have gone so far as to modify their school programs in the attempt to make the students bilingual upon their exit, requiring the students to learn Spanish and English. You'd think this would support the claim of better pay for individuals knowing Spanish. However, this has met with increasing hostility, anger, and outrage from those communities, most of which have been in the southwest part of the country. There have even been a few school closures as a result of attempting to integrate Spanish into the curriculum, and consequently losing massive numbers in enrollment, thus actually costing teachers their jobs, whether they knew Spanish or not.

The other issue to look at is the point I made about the proficiency level of a language after a mere 2 year exposure to it. I took two years of German in high school, but I can truthfully tell you that after a year of college I wouldn't have been able to accurately and consistently use German in a job setting. Everyone's language ability is different, but even with a buffer of two years between school and a career, many students will very quickly and frequently forget any of the language that they learned as soon as they are not required to know it for exams and grades. I am simply arguing the logistics of knowledge that is not consistent and difficult to render useful in the best situations. Education and careers are both about choices and paths. For example, to be a teacher in North Dakota you must have taken a Native Americans culture class at some point. Minnesota has no such requirement. If a person is to become a teacher in North Dakota, they know that requirement and are prepared to accept it. If a person wants to work in a book-related field, though, there is no logical reason that that person would benefit or need a foreign language. Instead, let the person work towards some sort of other knowledge, integrated into a minor, that may actually have some bearing and influence on the career that the person is interested in, or at least have an effect on that person's overall knowledge and applicable abilities. Please feel free to email me directly if you would like to further question or debate this topic."
Aaron Beseler

"Would you say that you love me or that you're in love with me?"
Pat Thiel, Fargo, ND, NDSU- Fargo, ND

"I'm going to go with saying that I love you (if I had to choose, I guess, neither answer seems all that appealing to me) in that manly kind of way, not the gay kind of way (which, I guess would in turn change my answer to saying that I was indeed in love with you). You're a good man, Real Deal...except for when you're drunk, trying to be funny, quoting movies or TV shows, singing 80's TV show themes, playing trombone..."
Christopher Hanson

"Is it wrong that I'm typing this question while I'm in class listening to a lecture?"
Mike Vacha, Fargo, ND, NDSU- Fargo, ND

"This is why your wife is pissed off at you- because you're an underachiver who is never going to graduate. Good luck at the divorce proceedings."
Christopher Hanson

"I don't think that penguins are furry, dumbass."
Anonymous

"That's not a question, dumbass."
Christopher Hanson

"If pirates wore argyll, would they pronounce it ARRRgyll? We all know pirates loot and pillage, but do they rape as well? If pirates do rape can they be sued for child support? Is it possible to sue a pirate at all? Wouldn't it be difficult to give a court summons to a pirate? Wouldn't it be easier just to pirate the pirates and take the child support money? Assuming you can sue a pirate, can they be given a summons if they're on international waters? Who's you're favorite pirate of all time? I've heard of Talk Like a Pirate Day; does it actually exist? Where were pirates originally from to have that crazy accent? Did Disney make a good decision in turning Pirates of the Caribbean into a movie? What's the best pirate movie? What's the worst? Are there still pirates? What's the most effective way to defend yourself against pirates? What would happen if pirates attacked Judas Priest? What would happen if those pirates were wearing argyll?"
Tim Smith, Fargo, ND, NDSU- Fargo, ND

"I would imagine that a pirate would add 'ARRRRR' to argyll. I assume that a pirate could rape if he wanted to, pirates are pretty mean people, after all. A pirate could be sued to child support, but that would probably mean that he would be getting hauled in and tossed in jail, and it's hard to pay child support when you're behind bars. You can sue a pirate if you can catch him or find him. I would think it would be hard to catch him, but we did get Saddam Hussein, didn't we? If the pirate is on international waters, I guess we could extridite him back to the place of the crime, which would probably be near a coastal area, after all, do pirates drive cars? Probably not. They have to get to any land destination by foot, or perhaps by horse, but that wouldn't be practical, would it? My favorite pirate of all time is Roberto Clemente, followed closely by Honus Wagner, but only because his baseball card is worth a million dollars. Talk Like a Pirate Day is in fact September 19th, and does officially exist, though we don't get the day off from work or school, which seems sort of like a shame, doesn't it? The Greek historian Plutarch, writing in about 100 A.D., gave the oldest clear definition of piracy. He described pirates as those who attack without legal authority not only ships, but also maritime cities. Not sure where they came from, and I am surely intrigued by the accent as well. Pirates of the Caribbean was a fair movie, but I don't like Johnny Depp, mostly because all girls like him, and I hate it when one guy gets all of the attention. Tough call on the best pirate film, but I'll go with Treasure Island, the 1972 version on AMC that stars Orson Welles and Kevin Burfield. The worst movie- well, I guess The Pirate Movie from 1982. No one normally argues with that. There are still pirates in the world if you use the black and white definition that Plutarch brought forth. Defense against a pirate? I guess now days, a gun would work just fine. A sword and a hook-for-a-hand stand no chance against a pistol. If pirates attacked Judas Priest, I would guess that no one would care, and we'd all go on with our lives just the same as the previous day (if you catch my drift). Last but not least, if pirates did wear argyll, such as a knitted sweater in the pattern of argyll, I'd say that they stand a chance of being called gay, or as we could probably put it in our modern lingo, a butt pirate. You know- just like you, Tim."
Christopher Hanson

"Which of these comedies is the best: Dumb and Dumber, Old School, Office Space, The Wedding Crashers, or Happy Gilmore? Furthermore, in your opinion, is BaseKetball better than all of them put together?"
Mike Vacha, Fargo, ND, NDSU- Fargo, ND

"I'll give Office Space the edge, it's a cult classic, the rest were all mainstream successes. I would say BasKetball is my favorite out of the whole list, but perhaps the humor value of all of the other movies together would be more than that of one single Zucker film. But, it would match up well..."
Christopher Hanson

"If the US Government outlawed all music except Judas Priest, what would you do: Move to Canada, kill yourself, listen to illegal music, or party hard while rocking to 'Turbo Lover'?"
Mike Vacha, Fargo, ND, NDSU- Fargo, ND

"I would download illegal music. Wait...I already do that from time to time. Or, I could listen to the album Stained Class, and let the subliminal messages do the rest."
Christopher Hanson

"What does Judas Priest eat for breakfast?"
Tim Smith, Fargo, ND, NDSU- Fargo, ND

"Probably eggs, maybe hashbrowns, possibly sausage or ham or even steak on a good day. Maybe a bagal? An English muffin? An omelette? Pancakes? Waffles? If he's not so hungry, he might just have cereal or some toast with jam, peanut butter, butter, or all of the above. Maybe he would eat his toast dry like the Blues Brothers. I don't know."
Christopher Hanson

"When will Priest be in North Dakota again?"
Jessy Klimpel, Fargo, ND, NDSU- Fargo, ND

"According to pollstar.com, the Priest isn't on tour right now, so I have no idea when they're coming here or to the state again. Hopefully never."
Christopher Hanson

"The Beatles made Yellow Submarine into a movie. Has the Priest ventured into film at all? If not, what song would be most appropriate?"
Tim Smith, Fargo, ND, NDSU- Fargo, ND

"The closest Judas Priest has come to being involved in movies is the fact that they did a cover of Johnny B. Goode for the movie Johnny Be Good. Also, Rob Halford had an appearance in the 2002 movie, Spun. Do I think they should make a movie out a Priest album? Simply put- no."
Christopher Hanson

"How many Priest shows have you seen? How many have you dreamed about?"
Jessy Klimpel, Fargo, ND, NDSU- Fargo, ND

"I have seen no Priest shows, and I intend on keeping it that way."
Christopher Hanson

"What would happen if Judas Priest drove a DeLorean?"
Jessy Klimpel, Fargo, ND, NDSU- Fargo, ND

"Probably nothing. It's a car. What kind of dumb question was that? I suppose you wanted me to tell you that they would do some time travel and change some events in their career, perhaps that whole trial about the kids who killed themeselves listening to Priest music? I bet that's what you wanted to hear."
Christopher Hanson

"Can you (would you) list all the movies that Priest in the soundtrack?"
Tim Smith, Fargo, ND, NDSU- Fargo, ND

"I found three- Deceiver from Ash Wendesday (2002), Blood Stained from Child's Play 4: The Bride of Chucky (1998), and Johnny B. Goode from Johnny Be Good (1988)."
Christopher Hanson

"What's the best time of day to experience Priest? What's the worst time of day to not experience Priest?"
Tim Smith, Fargo, ND, NDSU- Fargo, ND

"I'll go with in thr morning. It's annoying enough to get me out of bed. I'd say no to at night since you might get the notion of killing yourself if you fell asleep listening to the subliminal messages in the music. Oh, and you're still a fat sheepdog. Just wanted to remind you of that."
Christopher Hanson

"How did you get to be such a Priest expert?"
Jessy Klimpel, Fargo, ND, NDSU- Fargo, ND

"It's all your fault. You and Tim. You drove me to this. Thanks for ruining my life, as if it wasn't already in shambles."
Christopher Hanson

"What's the most significant way in which Judas Priest has influenced the American life, culture, economy, politics, and spirituality?"
Tim Smith, Fargo, ND, NDSU- Fargo, ND

"Priest has done nothing to better any of those choices. Priest exists to make a lot of noise, breed a lot of anger and bitter feelings, and cause total chaos, which is what metal is all about, right? (If you can't tell, I"m getting pretty annoyed with all of these Priest questions...)"
Christopher Hanson

"Can you get us backstage Priest passes?"
Tim Smith and Jessy Klimpel, Fargo, ND, NDSU- Fargo, ND

"I can't get you passes to see Priest backstage, but I can kick both of your asses if that makes you feel better? Sleep with one eye open tonight."
Christopher Hanson

"Do you and Tipton communicate most often through phone, e-mail, or telepathy?"
Jessy Klimpel, Fargo, ND, NDSU- Fargo, ND

"Quit asking questions and learn how to play in tune."
Christopher Hanson

"How many of your children will be named after Priest members?"
Jessy Klimpel, Fargo, ND, NDSU- Fargo, ND

"None. Are you practicing yet? Or are you eating at a buffet instead?"
Christopher Hanson

"Is it appropriate to refer to Judas Priest members as men of the cloth?"
Tim Smith, Fargo, ND, NDSU- Fargo, ND

"Probably not. Judas Priest is probably as far away from being holy as it could possibly be. Anyhow, maybe you should go practice to, or maybe you could go and get groomed, I need a wool sweater, anyhow. Or, maybe you're eating at the buffet with Jessy right now. That seems like the most likely possibility as I answer all of your stupid questions."
Christopher Hanson

"What Priest song is most suitable for a romantic evening?"
Jessy Klimpel, Fargo, ND, NDSU- Fargo, ND

"The only Prist song I can think of that's a ballad is off the newest album. I think it's called Angel. That's the closest thing I can think of."
Christopher Hanson

"Where's the Judas Priest Hall of Fame?"
Jessy Klimpel, Fargo, ND, NDSU- Fargo, ND

"There is no Judas Priest Hall of Fame. Judas Priest can't even get into the Rock n' Roll Hall of Fame, though people have been trying to get them in for years. You know why Judas Priest isn't in the RNR Hall of Fame? It's because I don't like them much, and that's all that matters."
Christopher Hanson

"When will a Burger King commercial feature the king playing a face-melting guitar riff with Priest?"
Tim Smith, Fargo, ND, NDSU- Fargo, ND

"If this happens, frogs will fall out of the sky. You know what happens next."
Christopher Hanson

"Why does the NDSU music department have the rediculous policy of making its students take three semesters of Music History? Is anyone, unless they teach Music History REALLY going to use that information later in life? If it weren't for that requirement I could have graduated a year earlier."
Anonymous

"I get the feeling that Erin Ott asked this question. For some unknown reason, I can hear her asking this question. Her voice is so clear. Well, anyhow, I think there's a lot of merit to knowing history of music. I know you might not use it much as a teacher or performer, but knowing how music came from what it was to what it is now is invaluable even if you don't realize it now."
Christopher Hanson

"Why does the NDSU business college work so hard to keep people from enrolling in their classes?"
Tim Smith, Fargo, ND, NDSU- Fargo, ND

"I sent an e-mail to the dean of the business college, and got no response. Nice, huh?"
Christopher Hanson

"Now that more people have expressed an interest in Judas Priest, isn't it time that you created a shrine to their greatness on your site?"
Anonymous (but probably Jessy or Tim)

"Against my own will (and good judgement), I will and have. I now officially declare that I hate myself so much."
Christopher Hanson

"First of all, I'm not knocking what you do. Second, go ahead and make fun of me for what I do. I'm a financial computer nerd and my job totally sucks. Third and finally, I'm not saying all of you are band geeks, just Jessy. Who would win in a thumb wrestling match. Halford or God?"
Anonymous

"First of all, thanks for not knocking what I do, I get a little over-emotional about these things. Second of all, you may think you're a nerd, but you probably make a hell of a lot more money than me. Third of all, Jessy isn't a band geek, but he is indeed a lazy fat moron. Oh, and I would guess that Halford would win the thumb wrestling match. I have no proof. It's just a feeling."
Christopher Hanson

"How come you band geeks have so much time on your hands?"
Anonymous (Jessy Klimpel's friend), Minot, ND

"I'll start by saying this much- there's nothing in this world that I hate more than being called a 'band geek'. I'm a musician. I play a lot and I make money doing it. It's a job. I don't go around making fun of you what you do for a living. Don't make fun of my job and what I do. Now, with that off my mind- I don't have any time on my hands. I work a full-time job, teach lessons, play gigs, and I'm still in the National Guard. Jessy has a lot of time on his hands because he has no job. I know Jessy, I'm mean..."
Christopher Hanson

"Why didn't you try out for Concert Band? Tour won't be tour without you."
Anonymous

"I thought a lot about trying out and hadn't come to a decision when I found out that auditions had uncharacteristically been done before the semester even ended. Therefor, my decision was made for me. I didn't get an e-mail or anything. It's kind of funny that I still get e-mails for pep band and band events, but I don't get a notification that auditions are happening. Interesting stuff. But, I didn't go to school this fall semester, so I shouldn't have expected to be notified, either. As far as I feel, my time with the Gold Star Band and Marching Band are over, and there are others out there within the ranks that think it's a better idea if you know what (or who) I'm talking about."
Christopher Hanson

"What is Erin S. up to these days?"
'Silver'

"I can assume you mean Erin Shipley. I haven't honestly talked to Erin in well over a couple of years, now. I don't ever get up to Canada, though I would really love to one of these days. As far as I know, she's still in the Winnipeg area working and doing her thing. She's a cool person and I would really enjoy a chance to get up there and hang out with her again."
Christopher Hanson

"Who would win in a fight: Backstreet Boys, N'Sync, or the Spice Girls?"
Mike Vacha, Fargo, ND, NDSU- Fargo, ND

"I'm going with the Spice Girls. Everyone knows that the guys in the two boy bands are all total wussies. I mean, look at them- they sing in a boy band. Enough said. Even Mike Vacha could beat all of those guys up, probably at the same time, and that does indeed say a lot, doesn't it?"
Christopher Hanson

"Who is the greatest rock band of all time: Styx, or Judas Priest?"
Mike Vacha, Fargo, ND, NDSU- Fargo, ND

"Tough question. Styx is a great band, but Judas Priest rocks much harder, though I really like them less than Styx. I have no idea how to really answer this question. I guess in the limited time I have, I would be forced against my will to rule in favor of Judas Priest since they do have a history of rocking pretty hard. I have to go vomit now..."
Christopher Hanson

"Has the NDSU Jazz Ensemble performed any music by Herb Alpert and the Tijuana Brass?"
Cullen Wells, Fargo, ND, NDSU- Fargo, ND

"As long as I've been in the jazz bands, no. I don't think there's a great deal of big band charts or arrangements for their style of music, and I think it would be kind of difficult to duplicate it in a big band setting."
Christopher Hanson

"Sometimes, they say, any publicity is good publicity. Is that true even if fifty people think you're a gay sheep dog?"
Jessy Klimpel, Fargo, ND, NDSU- Fargo, ND

"The worst kind of attention is no attention at all, so yes, indeed, you're statement is true. (I voted for gay sheep dog as well, just for the record...)"
Christopher Hanson

"When can we expect Patents Pending to become a full blown Priest Tribute Band?"
Jessy Klimpel, Fargo, ND, NDSU- Fargo, ND

"You can expect that to happen when the Tim Smith poll changes direction and a majority of people decide that he isn't a sheepdog or gay. So, never."
Christopher Hanson

"What makes Priest so heavy?"
Jessy Klimpel, Fargo, ND, NDSU- Fargo, ND

"Let me ask you this question first- what makes Jessy Klimpel so heavy? The answer- KFC buffet, King House buffet, China Buffet, American Steak Buffet, Pondorossa..."
Christopher Hanson

"How much does it cost to book The Priest for a birthday party?"
Tim Smith, Fargo, ND, NDSU- Fargo, ND

"A lot."
Christopher Hanson

"How cool would it be to get Halford to write original material for Patents?"
Tim Smith, Fargo, ND, NDSU- Fargo, ND

"Probably as cool as Tim Smith's colorful social life. Probably as cool as Milli Vanilli's singing. Probably as cool as George W. Bush's administration. You get the idea."
Christopher Hanson

"With such classics as 'Ram it Down' and 'Turbo Lover', why hasn't Priest been inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame?"
Jessy Klimpel, Fargo, ND, NDSU- Fargo, ND

"Interesting question. Take a look at some of the bands that in there now- Tina Turner, The Jackson Five, and Traffic- these are all terrific bands, but not so much what I would consider Rock and Roll. However, in defense of The Rock and Roll Hall of Fame, Judas Priest sucks."
Christopher Hanson

"Who would win in a fight: Judas Priest or a hurricane full of sharks?"
Tim Smith, Fargo, ND, NDSU- Fargo, ND

"What's a hurricane full of sharks? Sounds like some sort of really awful drink to me. Anyhow, I guess Priest would win. You know why? Because that music is enough to make a living being want to kill themself...oh, wait, that's already been done..."
Christopher Hanson

"Is there a limited edition Judas Priest cell phone or watch? If not, what do you plan to do about it?"
Tim Smith, Fargo, ND, NDSU- Fargo, ND

"I didn't find any cell phones or watches, but I did find a belt buckle and some other worthless overpriced Judas Priest crap online. Go to The Official Judas Priest Merchandise Store for more information."
Christopher Hanson

"When Judias Priest and Black Sabbath are both at the doors of Heaven, who do you think the Metal Gods will let in?"
Jessy Klimpel, Fargo, ND, NDSU- Fargo, ND

"Judas Priest and Black Sabbath going to Heaven? That's laughable. You know- like Tim Smith going to Heaven."
Christopher Hanson

"In reference to Jessy's Priest at Heaven question, isn't it kind of a paradox that Halford IS the metal god?"
Tim Smith, Fargo, ND, NDSU- Fargo, ND

"Uh...yeah, sure...loser."
Christopher Hanson

"Often, yes, at Lauerman's."
Christopher Hanson

"Why does it cost $50 to APPLY, not enter, but APPLY, for an accounting MINOR? Why does doing business at the Varsity Mart feel like a mugging? And generally, don't these old people realize that when we, who are now in college, are running the country when they retire are going to put them in nursing homes run by unscrupulous HMOs and eliminate their social security, medicare, and senior citizens prices for movies and luncheons?"
Tim Smith, Fargo, ND, NDSU- Fargo, ND

"Remember, Tim, we'll be old someday, too. What will the youth do to us then? Actually, what will the youth do to you, because at you're current rate, you're going to be quite the raging prick when you're a true adult."
Christopher Hanson

"Hey Chris, why are there three empty forties on top of our fridge?"
Tim Smith, Fargo, ND, NDSU- Fargo, ND

"Because we are all sick, sick people. It can proven by these two terms: Camo and Colt 45. Enough said."
Christopher Hanson

"Are they still going to come out with a new Indiana Jones movie?"
Carolyn Braus, Bismarck, ND, St. Mary's Central High School- Bismarck, ND

"Indian Jones 4 is currently in development. Harrison Ford, Steven Spielberg, and George Lucas are all rumored to be involved at this point, but no official word is out on setting an actual production or release date. I do look forward to seeing it come out someday, though, as do you, I can assume."
Christopher Hanson

"Hey Chris, I have a two-part question. Firstly, when can we expect to see 'The Final Countdown' by Europe on a Patents set list? And secondly, what's your least favorite kind of snake?"
Tim Smith, Fargo, ND, NDSU- Fargo, ND

"Eddie and I are working on a way to incorporate Final Countdown into a current song on our playlist, though we don't plan on doing the whole song. Keep your ears open for that. As for the snake question, I hate all snakes. No research needed to answer that one."
Christopher Hanson

"What is the best way to pour beer into a glass so it tastes the best?"
Mikey Vacha, Fargo, ND, NDSU- Fargo, ND

"Well, to handle the matter of making it taste the best, that will depend entirely upon an individual's preference when buying the beer. As for how to correctly pour the beer to optimize that taste and avoid detracting from it use this helpful hint: make sure the glass you are pouring a beer into is wet on the inside with cold water. Hold the glass at a 45 degree angle and begin pouring the beer. While pouring, either have the top of the beer bottle in connection with the top of the glass as to avoid any free-fall of beer, which causes foam, or quickly tip the entire beer to the bottom of the glass and slowly pull the bottle out of the glass as it fills up, avoiding splashing. My personal choice of beers is Killian's, but whatever your's is will suit you."
Aaron Beseler

"Do penguins live in humid places, and if so, what kind?"
Adeline

"Penguins live in all sorts of environments, though most of them are near water, where humidity normally accompanies the area year-around. Normally, penguians are found near nutrient-rich, cold-water currents that provide an abundant supply of food for the animals. They live in areas that are mostly danger and predator free since they can not fly and do not have practical ways to defend themselves. Just as a side note of information on the matter, penguians are found on every continent in the Southern Hemisphere."
Christopher Hanson

"Beseler, why do we have to read such crappy books in literary analysis? Who decided that Tom Clancy and John Grisham have no literary merit? Chris, feel free to pipe on this, if you feel so inclined."
Mikey Vacha, Fargo, ND, NDSU- Fargo, ND

"Well, Mikey, as we both know, there are very few books that are enjoyable that are recognized as having 'literary merit', in much the same manner that the most enjoyable movies will rarely ever receive Academy Award nods. There have been many different studies of what literary merit consists of, done by Harvard University, Yale, and various other universities and after looking at the various novels they list I have concluded that the determining factor of literary merit is a measurement of how quickly the novel in question puts one to sleep. After the reader is put to sleep, the author or a minion of that author drugs the individual to make it seem as if the novel is spectacular. As for who decides that, I would say lonely, miserable, miserly men and women who have no purpose in life."
Aaron Beseler

"What's the quintessential Stevie Wonder tune?"
Tim Smith, Fargo, ND, NDSU- Fargo, ND

"Well, as you already know, there's an entire album of them (you own it). However, if I was to pick what I think is the quintessential Stevie Wonder tune, I would probably go with Superstition, it's probably my favorite tune out there. However, there are so many good ones that are inches from being in the same company. Sir Duke, Isn't She Lovely, and I Just Called to Say I Love You are all in the same company."
Christopher Hanson

"Who would you rather party with: John Coltrane, Miles Davis, or Frank the Tank from Old School?"
Mike Vacha, Fargo, ND, NDSU- Fargo, ND

"I would like to party with all three of them, but I guess if I had to favor one, I would go with Coltrane. He's one of the finest and most creative players in jazz history, and hanging with him would perhaps let me into his creative mind which many are intrigued (or confused) by."
Christopher Hanson

"Revolving doors. Why or why not?"
Tim Smith, Fargo, ND, NDSU- Fargo, ND

"Tim Smith in a coma. Why or why not?"
Christopher Hanson

"What was your favorite cartoon when you were growing up?"
Mike Vacha, Fargo, ND, NDSU- Fargo, ND

"I guess my favorite cartoon was probably Transformers. While I didn't watch a lot of cartoons, I did like that show a lot. Watched it on WGN every afternoon for a long, long time. Damned Decepticons, always causing problems, sort of like the Bush Administration."
Christopher Hanson

"My favorite cartoon when I was a kid depends on what age span we're referring to, but the first cartoon I remember really loving was Thundercats. I always thought their panther-type car thing was awesome, as was Liono's grapple-claw. The other cartoon I watched a lot was He-Man and the Masters of the Universe. I even had almost a complete set of all the toys, including Castle Greyskull."
Aaron Beseler

"Do you think I should get metal resonators put in my Yamaha Alto 82Z? I know you and Ed would be pleased. It could also give me the edge over Patnode in the mad decibels category."
Jessy Klimpel, Fargo, ND, NDSU- Fargo, ND

"Yeah, sure, that's a great idea. You know- a great idea that's comparable to Tim Smith practicing his trumpet."
Christopher Hanson

"Who is your favorite character on Gilmore Girls? Also, what is one consequence of smoking, drinking, and lack of sleep that they don't teach you in medical school, but should?"
Joan Beckman, Minneapolis, MN, U of M- Minneapolis, MN

"My favorite Gilmore Girls character has got to be Luke Danes (Scott Patterson), the sarcastic cafe owner in Sleepy Hollow and now Lorelai Gilmore's fiance. His sense of humor (or lack of one sometimes) coupled with his amazingly dark and sarcastic reactions to pretty much everything are some of my favorite moments on that whole TV show. Underneath it all, there's a very street-smart caring guy who isn't what he appears to be often. As far as the consequences of smoking, drinking, and lack of sleep, what do they tell you in medical school, anyhow? I just want to see if I'm matching up to what's officially on the books..."
Christopher Hanson

"What do you think is more embarassing this year, the Minnesota Vikings sex party, or their record in the regular season this year?"
Jessy Klimpel

"Being the Vikings fan on this website, I figured I'd toss out an answer for this one. In my mind, both are equally embarassing, but if I had to pick one, I'd probably say their regular season record so far is the worse of the two. The sex party, while illustrating the pure idiocy of the Vikings players, simply was a lack of judgement on their part. As Tim Smith pointed out, they could have simply bought a house like the Cowboys did to engage in their depraved sexual conquests. Their regular season record, on the other hand, is a pure travesty. Losing Moss, while tragic from a talent standpoint, should not have caused the pure funk that the offense has been in all year so far. However, it clearly has, as Culpepper has tried his hardest to prove that last year's 39 touchdowns was obviously a doppelganger cleverly disguised as Daunte, when in fact the true Culpepper is a player more along the grade of J.P. Losman. Ah Vikings, I blame my upcoming ulcer on you."
Aaron Beseler

"I'd say the Vikings record is more embarassing since the players could actually brag a little bit about their little sex party and people would be amused for a while. The Vikings football playing is not amusing at all."
Christopher Hanson

"Why is Tim Smith so mean? Does he have a soul?"
Anonymous

"Tim Smith is mean because he wants to be mean. And no, he has no soul. He traded it for a bottle of Wild Turkey and a bag of ice."
Christopher Hanson

"If I were to hypothetically be invited to a Haloween party, what should I dress up as?"
Mike Vacha, West Fargo, ND, NDSU- Fargo, ND

"Mike, you should dress up as Beseler. Use your imagination."
Christopher Hanson

"Should tshirthell.com be able to put whatever shirts on their site that they want to, or does good taste dictate that the site should remove some of their shirts?"
Mike Vacha, West Fargo, ND, NDSU- Fargo, ND

"I personally think that tshirthell.com should be able to put whatever they want on their shirts regardless of whether it's funny or offensive or whatever. First of all, they're all jokes, and even if they are of questionable taste, they're jokes. It's all about understanding that these people aren't serious about what's going on these t-shirts. That's what a joke is- it's all about exaguration. I'm not saying that anyone has to like the shirts, and if you don't like them, don't go to their site or buy their products."
Christopher Hanson

"What type of deodorant do you prefer and why: plain white, the gel stuff, or the squisy liquid stuff that you push through all of the little holes?"
Mike Vacha, West Fargo, ND, NDSU- Fargo, ND

"I personally prefer the 'squishy liquid stuff that you push through all of the little holes', mostly because I just think it's fun. I think all of the forms of deodorant probably work, and I've used most of them in my life. The squishy stuff is just fun. Call me crazy."
Christopher Hanson

"Beseler, I recently saw a bumper sticker on a car that said 'Satan is Pro-Abortion.' I see some inherent contradictions in this statement, but I thought you might have a comment on it?"
Mikey Vacha, Fargo, ND, NDSU - Fargo, ND

"Well, Mikey, I'll give you a short, condensed version of my thoughts on that bumper sticker. First, I'm a little distressed that people take enough time to mass produce something like a bumper sticker without having the common sense to think about the actual words you're putting on it. Obviously this was an attempt to get across the anti-abortion message through another means of print. However, in their fervor to once more 'take a stand,' they've created a protestation that contradicts all rational thought on the subject. Don't get me wrong, I'm not supporting either side of the argument, I am simply pointing out what I see as wrong with this particular expression. To that end, let me look at what I see as the glaring inaccuracy of the item in question. 1) Satan rules Hell. 2) Hell is made up of damned souls. 3) Must sidetrack quickly: 3.1-from a Catholic view, there exists Limbo or Purgatory, both of which would theorhetically be possible places where unborn/unbaptized babies would end up, correct? 3.2-from a non-Catholic, but still Christian view, even without Limbo or Purgatory, an unborn baby's soul would automatically be given to God in Heaven, correct? So, 3) If Satan wanted to kill babies before they were born, there would be absolutely no way that Satan could claim that baby's soul for Hell. As a result of this, the surest way for Satan to attempt to claim a soul is to allow that soul to be born, to grow up, commit sin, and be damned to Hell. So, in conclusion, to play "Devil's advocate," the truer statement in this case would be to say 'Satan is anti-abortion' or if you're feeling particularly mean or controversial, 'God is pro-abortion,' as God is ultimately ending up with the souls of those babies. Interesting."
Aaron Beseler

"If you could be any underwater creature, what underwater creature would you be and why?"
Aaron Chapman, Fargo, ND, NDSU- Fargo, ND

"I think I would want to be a dolphin, though I wouldn't want to have my body surgically changed so that I was more like a dolphin (as in that one episode of South Park). I've always found dolphins to be interesting and very smart. Actaully, science proves that they're pretty smart. They're some of the smartest mammals in the world, as a matter of fact. I just think they're fun to watch. They communicate well between each other and have strong social skills. Dolphins are everything that I'm apparently not. There you have it. Oh, and on a completely different tone, Chapman- join jazz band again this spring."
Christopher Hanson

"After seeing you at the game talking with the band, it looked like you might miss marching band. Do you?"
Anonymous

"I do miss marching band to an extent. Being at the games and being able to talk to the members of the band and all is nice. It's nice to see the band on the field and it's great to hear them in the stands, though as a side note, I think I should be collecting royalties each time they play any of my stand tunes. That aside, I do know a good amount of folks in the band still, and I love to be able to get in the stands and chat with them. It was actually kind of flattering to hear two trumpets do the good ole' Hanson Short at the game on Sunday. I can't help but smile about stuff like that. Anyhow, I do miss some of the aspects of the marching band, mainly the people and my friends, but not so much some of the other aspects. From what I hear quite a bit of the veterans, I know that I personally would've been pretty unhappy about a lot of things, but that's only speculation on my part. I miss my friends and the good times with my friends in the band. That should answer the question. Oh, and if Dr. Olfert is reading this, I was kidding about the royalties, so you can relax..."
Christopher Hanson

"Hey Chris, I think YOU suck."
Anonymous (and by Anonymous, he meant Tim Smith)

"Hey you idiot, this section of the site is for QUESTIONS, which you did not send me. You're now a moron in addition to sucking."
Christopher Hanson

"Why is Tim Smith such a bastard?"
Anonymous

"Tim Smith isn't a bastard, he's quite the opposite, actually. He's a kind-hearted person who cares about others quite deeply. He believes in making the world a much better place by improving upon what he considers 'the lost vision' in which we call our way of life. He's compasionate and caring, and would give his life up for anything and anyone whom he considered a human being...

Ok, you're right- I'm just kidding. Tim Smith sucks."
Christopher Hanson

"Beseler, would you agree with me when I say that "Heart of Darkness" is the greatest book of all time?"
Mikey Vacha, Fargo, ND, NDSU - Fargo, ND

"Well Mikey, that's an interesting question, and the answer, of course, is yes. I think if we look at what makes a great book, we can compare those qualities to those that we find in this particular novel and come up with...well...a large load of feces actually. Not only is the book written in a manner that makes the ideas and story difficult to follow, but, as is the case with many, many books, when a book is over-analyzed to the degree that this one has been, it cuts out any positive aspect the book may have (by some small miracle) had to begin with! So to put it simply, no I do not feel as if "Heart of Darkness" is the greatest book of all time, but if anyone is looking for a book to cause their brain to aneurize, or simply something to use as kindling, I would highly recommend this novel!"
Aaron Beseler

"Hey Beseler, why haven't you done your calendar girls for such a long time now? I want to see chicks in bikinis!"
Mikey Vacha, Fargo, ND, NDSU - Fargo, ND

"Ah yes, the ill-fated "Beseler's Playmates" section...well, despite my plans to have a featured section for the lovely women that are somehow part of my life, I fell off and didn't exactly keep going with that, did I? I apologize profusely to all of those who have, like Mikey, been disappointed by the lack of bikini-clad women on the site, so perhaps it is something that I can look at re-instigating and actually keep up with. We'll all just have to wait and see..."
Aaron Beseler

"To follow up the ingrown toenail question, do you think it would be appropriate for the loser to pay all the doctor's bills?"
Tim Smith and Jessy Klimpel, Fargo, ND, NDSU- Fargo, ND

"Yeah, sure, whatever...losers."
Christopher Hanson

"I want to know more about the Baby V.O.X. band..."
Anonymous

"Baby V.O.X. is a Korean vocal group featuring three beautiful women. I have never heard any of their music (after all, most of their music is in Korean), but I have heard of the group and am familiar with a little bit of their history. I do know that they have been called the 'Korean Spice Girls', which is evident by their photos and such. The group has been as large as a quintet, but has since come down to a trio. Their sound is very modern pop hip-hoppish for a lack of a better way of putting it. Some of the stuff I've listened to has had some English in it, but most of it is in Korean. Find out more about them by going to http://www.beautifulvoices.net/voxnews.html and reading up on their style, lives, and brand of music."
Christopher Hanson

"Tim and I were wondering, would you like to have an ingrown toenail contest, to see who could grow the most in one month? Get back to us."
Jessy Klimpel and Tim Smith, Fargo, ND, NDSU- Fargo, ND

"That might possibly be one of the most disgusting things I've ever heard in my life. Where did you come up with this idea? I can probably guess- you were playing Bond and drinking burnt rum and/or whiskey drinks with Coke and eating pizza, and you thought of it then. The answer is no, but you can always ask John, he might be fair game..."
Christopher Hanson

"What is the mathematical volume of an m&m? I'm trying to create a formula that will tell me how many m&m's can fit in a cylinder."
Carolyn Braus, Bismarck, ND, St. Mary's Central High School- Bismarck, ND

"I thought this was going to be a difficult one to answer, but I found a huge amount of information about this sort of topic. People at Princeton were doing actual mathmatical and scientific research on this stuff. No kidding. Anyhow, according to Princeton chemist Salvatore Torquato, the actual volume of an m&m is 0.636 cubic centimeters. The formula prescribed to answer your question follows, so if you don't want to see it, don't read on...

If the candies are chocolate m&m's, estimate the volume of the container in cubic centimeters and multiply by 0.68. Divide by 0.636 cubic centimeters, the volume of a single plain M&M candy, and you have the answer.

That's just insane. Thanks for the question, Carolyn."
Christopher Hanson

"If you could put together a jazz ensemble made up of the best players you've played with at NDSU, who would you select?"
Anonymous

"That's a tough question, and it kind of puts me on the spot. However, I did some serious thinking about this one, and I've come up with a list. Just keep in mind that there are a lot of people that are not on this list that I still consider great players, so no one should take any offense to this list."
Christopher Hanson

Saxophones Eddie Schwind, alto Jeremy Marquardt, alto Greg Dewhirst, tenor Brian Wittkop, tenor Sara Dau, baritone Trumpets Dan Johnson Jesse Braunagel Matt Rusten Scott Fisher Justin Gronfur

Trombones Bryon Wirtz Christopher Hanson Matt Chaussee Pat Thiel Brad Jensen Rhythm Section Jeff Williams, acoutic bass Aaron Beseler, electric bass Alex Berg, piano Tim Stine, guitar Russ Pfaff, drums

"Hey Chris, where do you keep all your cameras?"
Tim Smith, Fargo, ND, NDSU- Fargo, ND

"In your bedroom, in John's bedroom, and in Jessy's bedroom. Oh, and in the kitchen to make sure Jessy isn't eating all of my food."
Christopher Hanson

"Me thinked me writed good in high school, butt, like, mine college teachers; ain't gave me good grades on papers. Whats there problems?"
Mike Vacha, West Fargo, ND, NDSU- Fargo, ND

"You're dumb as a damned rock. How's that for an answer? I can't wait to throw you into a locker again soon. It may help, though I have my doubts as to whether anything will ever help you..."
Christopher Hanson

"What is the difference between 'academic' version software and 'professional' version software?"
Erin Ott, Casselton, ND, NDSU- Fargo, ND

"The cost, and normally, that's about it. What the software license usually states in the academic versions is that the student gets the reduced price or the academic program as long as the purchaser does not use the software for profit of any sort. Also, in a few rare cases, the academic versions of some software is not upgradable."
Christopher Hanson

"Beseler, why haven't you reviewed any older movies lately? I could make some suggestions. You could review Deuce Bigalow, Elektra, Catwoman, Barb Wire, or even Showgirls. I think you have seen all of them except maybe Barb Wire and Catwoman (please tell me you haven't seen Catwoman)."
Mike Vacha, West Fargo, ND, NDSU- Fargo, ND

"Well Mikey, in response to your inquiry and Tim Smith's repeated requests, I have now posted the first of many movie reviews in a certain qualification. To answer your inherant question in the above statement, though, I have in fact seen all of the aforementioned movies, including Catwoman. I have always been of the opinion that you can only appreciate the best movies/books by having exposure to the worst. Watch the movie review session!"
Aaron Beseler

"Why does Tim Smith write so many questions? I think he really has nothing to do at all- maybe he should practice."
Anonymous

"If this is coming from who I think it is, maybe you should ask yourself why you also ask so many questions. I'll give you the big edge on practicing, but he does have a job, can you say the same thing? Wow, look at that- I answered your question with a bunch of questions. Neat!"
Christopher Hanson

"I recently acquired season six of The Simpsons and I would have to say it is the best show of all time. Family Guy, however, is also a good show. What are your thoughts on these observations?"
Mike Vacha, West Fargo, ND, NDSU- Fargo, ND

"The Simpsons are indeed a great show, and millions agree. The fact that it's lasted for so long is a true testement to it's quality. However, I must admit that Family Guy has taken the top spot on my animated show listings. It's just so borderline offensive and funny, and it's that edge that really makes me more likely to watch Family Guy than The Simpsons anymore. The Simpsons is funny, though, and I'm not trying to take anything away them."
Christopher Hanson

"Why are you not in marching band? Is it because you're not a drum major?"
Anonymous

"I've addressed this issue a number of times on the site, and I'm not really all that excited to answer this question again. The simple answer, I guess, is yes. To cite my feelings on the matter, see Chris Speaks, August 16th, second and third paragraphs of the entry. You can also read a little about it on the same page, May 12th, paragraphs one through five. I will answer no more questions on the matter."
Christopher Hanson

"Star Wars, Episode III really made me think about this: The Romans had peace for 200 years, but only because they had conquered everyone, while the United States has a war every twenty years or so. So I'm wondering, are peace and liberty mutually exclusive ideals?"
Tim Smith, Fargo, ND, NDSU- Fargo, ND

"I've had this question in my in-box for a number of weeks, and I was trying to come up with a good answer to it. But, I guess for lack of any words to say, I'll simply let your question speak for itself."
Christopher Hanson

"This question has plagued mankind for ages: who is the most talented member of the 1980's country quartet The Oak Ridge Boys? Is it zany tenor Joe Bonsall? Or perhaps their smooth lead singer Duane Allen? Or maybe the mountain man baritone William Lee Golden? Or my favorite...wall-rattling bass singer Richard Sterban? Everyone on this site needs to know."
Jim Sele, Fargo, ND, NDSU- Fargo, ND

"I remember the days back in the early 80's when I was a young child (yeah, I was once young) wandering around the house listening to the records that my mom liked to listen to. One of her favorite groups was indeed The Oak Ridge Boys. It's hard to believe those guys are still alive (let alone performing). In my later years of studying music, I regarded them as one of the finest vocal harmonizers out there in the pop/rock/country world. Anyhow, I've always thought Richard Sterban was the most talented singer in the group. He's truly a bass who functions in his role while also doing great on melody lines and such. One of the first songs I can remember hearing from those records was 'Elvira', and it is the bass voice in that song that I most clearly remember. Oh, and just for everyone else's information (I know Jim already knew this), The Oak Ridge Boys are playing at Shooting Star Casino in Mahnomen on the 27th of this month, performing a set of shows- one at 7:00 and another at 9:00."
Christopher Hanson

"How come they're called 'french fries' when they're not made of Frenchmen. Or are they..."
Brad Baltrusch, Jamestown, ND, NDSU- Fargo, ND

"French fries were named what they are because they were described as pototaoes that were cooked in a French style. The most widly known story about them is that Thomas Jefferson served them at a White House dinner. Jefferson often served 'new and strange' foods at his White House dinners, and this was one of them. And, no, they are not made out of Frenchmen, they are made out of potatoes, which apparently don't belong in potato salad (see Erin Ott's question a little further down the page)..."
Christopher Hanson

"How can you make fun of someone when they could never really play their instrument, look like a wild rapid sheepdoglike species, eat ten pounds of ice cream in two days, and have circular round glasses that make them look gay...

You be the judge, does Tim Smith really look like a sheepdog?"
Jessy Klimpel, Fargo, ND, NDSU- Fargo, ND

"Ok, let's be a little bit civil here. First of all, Tim can in fact play trumpet, he just chooses not to. Also, I don't know if his glasses make him look gay or not. As for the ice cream bit, I can only confirm that he has indeed eaten that much in the last handful of days, but he did have laryngitis, so that's excusable. Now, as for the sheepdog thing, I have to give Jessy the upper hand on that one- that picture does no favors for you."
Christopher Hanson

"Is it right to make fun of someone for owning a Britney Spears album when you don't have a job, can't play your instrument, and can't walk more than fifteen feet without stopping for a nap and some fry bread?"
Anonymous

"Someone to my rescue...my hero!"
Christopher Hanson

"How much does watching KISS bootlegs pay?"
Tim Smith, Fargo, ND, NDSU- Fargo, ND

"If you're the 'quality control person for KISS bootleg production', it might pay a little bit. Otherwise, I would guess nothing."
Christopher Hanson

"The movie 'Scarface' is about Cuban gangster Tony Montana while Al Capone was a Chicago gangster. Both are nicknamed Scarface. Is Tony Montana a real person? Is there any connection between the two?"
Tim Smith, Fargo, ND, NDSU- Fargo, ND

"Tony Montana is indeed a fictional character. Al Capone was also indeed nicknamed Scarface, as well. The conecpt of the movie Scarface was loosly based on Al Capone as a 'modern day retelling', but overall, the movie is not true."
Christopher Hanson

"Chris, what exactly is the difference between a dwarf and a gnome? 'Help me' with this question."
Alex Berg, Fargo, ND, NDSU- Fargo, ND

"A gnome is defined on dictionary.com as one of a fabled race of dwarflike creatures who live underground and guard treasure hoards. A dwarf is defined as an abnormally small person, often having limbs and features atypically proportioned or formed. Dwarfs are real. Gnomes are not. I know your little story about gnomes, but Al, it's time to face the truth- it's just a story. Sorry to crush your dreams."
Christopher Hanson

"Why do they call Charlie Parker 'Bird'? He is, to my knowledge, human."
Anonymous

"Yes, Charlie Parker was human, which is probably an obvious fact. According to various stories in the world about Charlie Parker, he once ran over some sort of a bird (a chicken, if I recall correctly) while he was tripping on heroin. I don't know what the official story is on his nickname (they called him Yardbird, actually), but if you watch the movie Bird, they have a scene similar to the one I just described above."
Christopher Hanson

"How come apple pie doesn't have apples in it?"
Jessy Klimpel, Fargo, ND, NDSU- Fargo, ND

"Ask Erin, your girlfriend."
Christopher Hanson

"Why do classical musicians and theory teachers always get so picky when referring to the right kind of nomenclature for musical scales or terms. Like for example the Octatonic scale, which us jazz musicians would refer to as the Diminished scale. Why are they so picky anyways, when it is essentially the same thing?"
Jessy Klimpel, Fargo, ND, NDSU- Fargo, ND

"I once got into an arguement with a certain second-year theory teacher about that. He played a chord that I identified as a sharp nine chord. He told me I was wrong and that it was a doubly inflected chord. Both answers were right, but he wouldn't budge, and I wouldn't take no for an answer. It's all about coming from two completely different schools of theory. Jazz theory is less accepted amoungst teachers, as they normally teach traditional theory and traditional harmony, while jazz musicians normally just learn jazz-based theory through experience."
Christopher Hanson

"Where do fortune cookies really come from, anyways?"
Jessy Klimpel, Fargo, ND, NDSU- Fargo, ND

"There are several stories about fortune cookies and where they came from, but the most believable story is that they were invented in San Francisco by a Japanese immigrant, not the Chineese. Makoto Hagiwara was the landscape designer who created the Japanese Tea Garden in Golden Gate Park. According to Hagiwara, the fortune cookie was based on a Japanese treat called Tsujiura sembei. He sweetened the recipe to appeal to American tastes, enclosed thank-you notes in the cookies, and served them to his guests with tea."
Christopher Hanson

"What's the difference between chow mein and lo mein?"
Tim Smith, Fargo, ND, NDSU- Fargo, ND

"Lo mein means 'tossed noodles', while chow mein means 'fried noodles'."
Christopher Hanson

"While I was away from home, my now ex-girlfriend used my computer to receive pictures of one of her male friend's genitals through MSN messenger. When I found these pictures (or the trail that was left by them), she lied about it. Had these pictures been simply downloaded from any pornographic site, I wouldn't have a problem. The problem arises from the fact that she knows this guy personally and deliberately lied to me about it. Does this constitute 'cheating'?"
Anonymous

"Yes, this is most definately cheating."
Christopher Hanson

"Where did Jessy learn all of those dry lame jokes he tells? Can you make him stop?"
Erin Ott, Casselton, ND, NDSU- Fargo, ND

"He learned those lame jokes from all of his friends and perhaps a little bit from Dr. Matt Patnode, the dryest lamest joketeller of them all. Can I make him stop? Well, for money, I'll do anything..."
Christopher Hanson

"Why do they call potato salad 'potato salad' when there usually are no potatoes in it, just eggs?"
Erin Ott, Casselton, ND, NDSU- Fargo, ND

"I don't know what kind of potato salad you've been eating, but all of the potato salad I've ever had has had potatoes in it. It's a main ingrediant, really. I've had many types of potato salad before, and I'm pretty sure they all had potatoes in them. Your question confuses me, really."
Christopher Hanson

"Who is your favorite member of the Beatles? And don't say Ringo!"
Jessy Klimpel, Fargo, ND, NDSU- Fargo, ND

"John Lennon, my friends, is my favorite member of the Beatles. I've always enjoyed thoughtful works, both musically and lyrically, and I think John Lennon pretty much covered both incredibly well. It's a simple answer and a simple explination. Nothing else needs to be said if you really listen to the music."
Christopher Hanson

"I've been frequenting this website for quite some time and I was wondering why it is still called 'danoandchris.com' when I don't see any sign of the Dan fellow. He hasn't written a thing in quite some time. I really enjoyed the two of you as one force and I thought you two were quite humorous, actually! I'm guessing he graduated and moved on. Chris Hanson must be nearing the completion of his Masters degree if not probably already started working on his doctorate. Anyhow, thank you for your time and hopefully speedy response to my question. All the best."
Anonymous

"First off, thanks for checking on the site all of this time, if you've been watching the site since the days of Dano on the site, you've been checking back for some time, now. Anyhow, the 'danoandchris.com' address will be changing sometime in the next handful of months. We bought the domain name back some time ago, almost four years ago. The initial contract as far as I know was four years, so I'll be able to change domain names soon. Dano deleted his content back in December of 2003 after a long leave from updating on the site. We had a mutual agreement to end his time on the site since he wasn't paying for the site (I had paid every cent for the server space since we started the site) and wasn't updating. I took over the site and renamed it Christopher Hanson Online and worked the site solo with a little help from Ben Cory and Eddie Schwind. Later on in 2004, Aaron Beseler joined up to help, then became a partner in the updating of the site. The site was renamed to Hanson and Beseler Online 2004-2005, which it still remains at this time. Dano is working on a degree in Electrical Engineering and has all but disappeared from the radar, though we do see him and talk to him once in a very great while. He has stepped off into a different direction than many of his music friends, and that is his choice. I'm still alive and kicking, enjoying every minute I have to update the site. I've been going to school part-time while working full-time, doing National Guard work, playing gigs, and more. Things are busy, but I hope to finish up a degree sometime in the near future. My main focus has been on practicing, writting, gigging, and working. Thanks for the nice words about the site, and do keep checking up on what we're up to. Aaron and I plan on working the site as long as we have the time to do so. Thanks, again."
Christopher Hanson

"We all talk about it, but what is alcohol tolerance, really?"
Tim Smith, Fargo, ND, NDSU- Fargo, ND

"Alcohol tolerance is defined as 'the need to consume large amounts of alcohol in order to feel effects, which causes the liver to become less efficient' according to the West Virginia University Health Sciences medical and health glossary."
Christopher Hanson

"Did you write your last 'Chris Speaks' in some kind of code? It has lots of lots of repeated word lots of word clusters."
Sean Solberg, Chicago, IL

"Yes. You got me there. I was trying to make a point to someone out in the world. As far as I can see, it didn't work."
Christopher Hanson

"My mom tells me not to use Woolite. I have noticed that on some clothes it says 'do not use Woolite'. Why is it that I can't use Woolite? What makes it different than any other kind of laundry detergent like Era or Tide? While we're on the topic, what laundry detergent can get out mud, red wine, tomato juice, or grass stains the best?"
Erin Ott, Casselton, ND, NDSU- Fargo, ND

"Mostly handknits and gentle fabrics should not be washed with Woolite in a washing machine, from what I understand. I don't know why this is, but I have seen the instructions on clothing before. Woolite works best in the gentle cycle, according to Woolite's product website. If you're planning on handwashing some of your clothes, I guess Woolite is the best for that purpose. I can't really confirm any of this, it's just what I hear or see, nothing is officially documented anywhere. As for tough stains, try this mixture: 1 cup of Clorox 2 powder, 1 cup of Cascade powder, and 7 to 14 quarts of hot water. Soak the stained clothes in the mixture for 2-8 hours depending on how servere the stain is. This mixture may take out the color in dark items, so be mindful of that. I found that on the web a few years ago, and it worked pretty well."
Christopher Hanson

"Why do pianos have 88 keys? If they had just 85, they could start and end on the same note name. Does it have to do with the fact that '88 Keys' is a cooler Dick Tracy character than '85 Keys'?"
Tim Smith, Fargo, ND, NDSU- Fargo, ND

"The piano actually started out with only about 60 keys, same as the harpsichord. Bartolomeo Cristofori (a famous harpsichord maker) got the idea of putting hammers on one of his harpsichords (to hit the strings instead of plucking the strings as a harpsichord does). This was how the first piano was invented. Over the years as composers began to use the new instrument, they started writing more complicated music for the piano. As the demand for range began to emerge out of these new and difficult pieces, the keyboard had to expand in both directions. By the middle of the 19th century, the piano had 85 keys up to A. Soon after, they added the last three at the top. A point of intrest: there's even a piano made today- the Bösendorfer Imperial Concert Grand, which has 96 keys. The bass notes go all the way down to C. It's nine-and-a-half feet long and weighs almost a ton."
Christopher Hanson

"How much KISS paraphanelia is too much?"
Tim Smith, Fargo, ND, NDSU- Fargo, ND

"Remember Jessy's room in the last house? That's too much. His current room is just at the limit."
Christopher Hanson

"Why do guys get 'pee shivers'?"
Jessy Klimpel, Fargo, ND, NDSU- Fargo, ND

"Those shivers you speak of are actually mini-orgasms. I'm not kidding. From what I understand, the longer you are forced to wait to urinate (i.e. long car rides, sitting at work, and so on), the more forceful the mini-orgasm will be. Think about it. I don't want to get any more graphic than that."
Christopher Hanson

"Why are fast rhythm changes so hard?"
Jessy Klimpel, Fargo, ND, NDSU- Fargo, ND

"Probably because they're normally being played at about 200-270 beats per minute. One change per two beats going that fast will kill a person. You and I both know it."
Christopher Hanson

"What member of Judas Priest, in your estimation, has made the greatest contributions to rock n' roll and music in general?"
Jessy Klimpel, Fargo, ND, NDSU- Fargo, ND

"I'm not an expert by any means on Judas Priest, but I guess I would say that Glenn Tipton probably has contributed the most to rock n' roll and music by his trademark guitar sound and solos. You might not believe it, but some of his soloing has been influenced by classical music. Anyhow, in the style of hard rock music, it's sometimes hard to sound different than other hard rock bands. Glenn Tipton has made his mark in that way."
Christopher Hanson

"Why does (Judas) Priest rock so hard?"
Jessy Klimpel, Fargo, ND, NDSU- Fargo, ND

"Because you think they do."
Christopher Hanson

"How soon can we expect the website to abandon its current look and goals and become a full time Priest shrine?"
Tim Smith, Fargo, ND, NDSU- Fargo, ND

"I'll talk to my partner-in-crime, Aaron Beseler, and we'll see what we can do. However, my guess is that this site will never become a full-time Judas Priest shrine. As a matter of fact, I will make an assumption that if you as Beseler if he ever knows any Judas Priest, he won't be able to identify any of their songs. Sorry to disappoint."
Christopher Hanson

"What is 'Turbo Lover' by Judas Priest really all about?"
Jessy Klimpel, Fargo, ND, NDSU- Fargo, ND

"I could not find any documented explinations for the lyrics of that song, but I think if you read or listen to the lyrics at all, you can probably draw up a pretty accurate picture right there."
Christopher Hanson

"Is it really possible to have 'too much Priest'?"
Tim Smith, Fargo, ND, NDSU- Fargo, ND

"Yes."
Christopher Hanson

"If the Priest made a cover album reminiscient of Metallica's Garage, Inc. what songs would you most like to see on it?"
Jessy Klimpel, Fargo, ND, NDSU- Fargo, ND

"That's a tough call. I guess 'Shout at the Devil' (Motley Crue) would be a fun one to hear. How about 'Hells Bells' (AC/DC)? Perhaps 'Fade to Black' (Metallica). There's always 'I Stand Alone' (Jackyl) for something a little different. To make Jessy happy, maybe we could hear 'God of Thunder' (KISS). There's a lot of possibilities here..."
Christopher Hanson

"What's the ideal set list for a (Judas) Priest show?"
Tim Smith, Fargo, ND, NDSU- Fargo, ND

"I don't know a lot of Judas Priest (I'm sure you're shocked by that) nor have I ever been a huge follower of the band (again, I'm sure you're shocked). However, I guess based on my limited knowledge of them, here's a list of songs I would want to hear (if I had to).

1) Revolution
2) Breaking the Law
3) Parental Guidance
4) Turbo Lover
5) You've Got Another Thing Coming
6) Exciter
7) Livin' After Midnight

"What genre of music outside of rock would have the greatest success of covering the timeless (Judas) Priest catalog?"
Tim Smith, Fargo, ND, NDSU- Fargo, ND

"I think hearing a complete symphonic orchestra doing classical covers of Judas Priest would be interesting. Actually, to hear Brad Paisley and his band cover Judas Priest would be REALLY interesting."
Christopher Hanson

"If you were granted the amazing opportunity to jam with one member of (Judas) Priest, who would you choose?"
Tim Smith, Fargo, ND, NDSU- Fargo, ND

"I would jam with Glenn Tipton, one of the lead guitar players in Judas Priest. His playing is interesting as far as rock guitar goes. There are some distinct things he does that gives Judas Priest a unique sound of it's own."
Christopher Hanson

"What Priest classic has most profoundly affected your life and why?"
Tim Smith, Fargo, ND, NDSU- Fargo, ND

"I can't believe you guys are asking so many Judas Priest questions. Well, actually, I'm not surprised at all now that I think about it. Anyhow, the first Priest song I ever remember hearing was 'Parental Guidance', which a girl put on a mixer tape for me when I was like ten or something like that. Perhaps it made me into the somewhat rebelious teen that I was later on in life, I don't know. If I've got to blame it on someone or something, I guess I can blame it on Judas Priest. Everyone else blamed Judas Priest for something back in the day..."
Christopher Hanson

"If you could have any animal as a pet, what would it be? What would you name it? (and don't say dog or cat, because that's just boring...)"
Erin Ott, Casselton, ND, NDSU- Fargo, ND

"I think I would like a seal or a penguin for a pet. I would name the seal 'Samuel' (that's the singer/artist Seal's real last name) and I would name the penguin 'Shook' (because Nina Shook loves penguins)."
Christopher Hanson

"How do seat belts know when and when not to give slack?"
Carolyn Braus, Bismarck, ND, St. Mary's Central High School- Bismarck, ND

"I know it may seem like a complete cop-out here, but go to Howstuffworks and read away. I don't think I could explain how seat belts work because I'm a musician, and musicians don't understand anything that seems technical as far as mechanics go. And, yes, I'm one of those kinds of musicians..."
Christopher Hanson

"What is the proper way to say the capitalized part of this sentence: JENN'S AND MY favorite drink is fufu berry soda."
Carolyn Braus, Bismarck, ND, St. Mary's Central High School- Bismarck, ND

"I believe that the way you said it is in fact proper. I'll have to consult with Beseler, though, he is an English major, after all. I'd like to think I'm right (I was once going to be an English major myself), but perhaps Beseler or Keira Oscarson would know better."
Christopher Hanson

"If somebody dies during a surgery, is there any refund given back? Not if a person dies AFTER the surgery anyway, but if they die DURING surgery."
Carolyn Braus, Bismarck, ND, St. Mary's Central High School- Bismarck, ND

"According to several cases and such that I looked into (mainly Basant Seth vs. Regency Hospital, Ltd.), I found that the only way a hospital would be able to give a 'refund' is if there was negligance that led to the death of the patient in surgery. I guess you wouldn't call that a 'refund' either, you would probably call that an 'awarded sum of money for damages'. Anyhow, I guess the answer to the question is that no, you get no refund. If surgery is being done, that doctor and the hospital gets paid no matter what happens to the patient. If the doctor doesn't do anything wrong, the hospital gets it's money."
Christopher Hanson

"Why are boogers green?"
Erin Ott, Fargo, ND, NDSU- Fargo, ND

"I don't want to answer this question, really. Actually, go to The Yuckiest Site on the Internet and read all about it. Interesting (and kind of disgusting) stuff."
Christopher Hanson

"Why does John sleep here two nights a week and Erin seven or more?"
Tim Smith, Fargo, ND, NDSU- Fargo, ND

"That's a great question. Doesn't John pay rent? Maybe John shouldn't pay so much rent, and Erin should pay the difference. Does this sound like a good idea? Or, maybe John should pay full rent, but Erin should pay a fee to stay, perhaps like a hotel. We could give her a good volume discount. Maybe $25 per night, that's a steal at any good hotel in Fargo. Alright, it's settled. Erin already owes us, well, let's see- we've lived in the house for about 12 days, so she owes us for at least ten nights. $250, due immediately, Erin. Pay up, we know where you live..."
Christopher Hanson

"Why is is that Bill Clinton can be impeached for getting a little 'nookie' on the side while George W. Bush is given our blessing after causing the deaths of 1,737 Americans and numerous Iraqis through his dishonest manipulation of intelligence reports?"
Tim Smith, Fargo, ND, NDSU- Fargo, ND

"Perhaps you should ask the 62,028,772 people who voted for him. I was not one of them. I was part of the 59,026,150 folks who didn't trust George W. Bush."
Christopher Hanson

"Who would win in a fight: Mike Tyson in his prime, or Abraham Lincoln made entirely of metal?"
Tim Smith, Fargo, ND, NDSU- Fargo, ND

"I'm going to have to give this one to Abe Lincoln. While I know that Mike Tyson in his prime was tough, mean, strong, and insane, the problem is that Mike Tyson in his prime (or in any other time) is dumber than a box of rocks, while Abe Lincoln was smart as hell. Most presidents have to be smart, though I can think of a few who weren't (see the previous question and answer here on the Question and Answer page)."
Christopher Hanson

"Where does petroleum jelly come from?"
Carolyn Braus, Bismarck, ND, St. Mary's Central High School- Bismarck, ND

"According to The Food and Agriculture Organization of the United Nations: Petroleum Jelly is a purified mixture of semi-solid, saturated hydrocarbons, mainly of paraffinic nature, obtained from petroleum. It may contain antioxidants approved for food use, and is used as a lubricant, release agent, protective coating, or as an anti-foaming agent. If you asked me to translate that to some sort of English, I couldn't do it. But, at least I got a good correct answer, right?"
Christopher Hanson

"Why do dogs (and probably many other animals) have horizontally-running ridges across the inside tops of their mouths?"
Carolyn Braus, Bismarck, ND, St. Mary's Central High School- Bismarck, ND

"I am no expert on anatomy, that's for sure, and even less familiar with the anatomy of dogs. However, I did do some research and found that the top portion of a dog's mouth is made up of mostly rugae (defined as a ridge, wrinkle, or fold, as of mucous membrane according to Dorlands Medical Dictionary). I also found that according to a section on the Davidson College (North Carolina) biology website, dogs have something called a vomeronasal organ in the roof of their mouths which allows them to 'taste' certain smells. This organ transmits information directly to the part of the brain known as the limbic system, which controls emotional responses. A dog's senses of taste and smell are closely linked and it is possible that dogs gain more imformation about food from its smell than from its taste. I'm not so sure if this answered your question, but I did find it very interesting to read up on this stuff."
Christopher Hanson

"Now that I'm living with you and there is a bar in the basement, there are many possibilities. What are you looking forward to most in the new place with your new roomies?"
Jessy Klimpel, Fargo, ND, NDSU- Fargo, ND

"I think I'm looking forward to jamming out in the basement the most. The bar down there is nice and we made good use of it this past weekend, but that's just a bonus. The jam space in the basement is going to be really, really fun."
Christopher Hanson

"So, 'the girl next door' is like Joey Potter is to Dawson? And you know what show I'm talking about..."
Keira Oscarson, Fargo, ND, NDSU- Fargo, ND

"Yes, it is indeed Dawson to Joey, and yes, I know what show that's from. By the way, thanks for the new addiction to another TV show that men don't typically watch..."
Christopher Hanson

"So, I was chatting with a friend when he mentioned that every guy loves 'the girl next door.' This person then informed me that she doesn't actually have to live next door, its just a stereotype of sorts. Is it true, do guys like the girl next door? And what makes her 'the girl next door'?"
Keira Oscarson, Fargo, ND, NDSU- Fargo, ND

"I can think of two meanings for 'the girl next door'. The first one is that it was a movie that came out sometime last year about a kid who falls in love with his extremely hot next door neighbor- who turns out to be a porn star. I'm sure that movie was great. (I never saw it, honestly...) But, seriously, I think the 'girl next door' is the girl that you always thought was perfect, but for some reason, you could never get her for the longest time, or sometimes, ever. She's the girl that you believe (or believed) was your exact equal that would bring true balance in your life. She's the girl you always wanted, but you could never get. She was right there, but so far out of reach."
Christopher Hanson

"What are your three favorite types of beer?"
Mike Vacha, West Fargo, ND

"I would probably pick Shiner Bock (Shiner, Texas), Leinenkugel's Honey Weiss (Chippewa Falls, Wisconsin), and Newcastle Brown Ale (Tyneside, England)."
Christopher Hanson

"If you don't mind me asking, whereabout on that political grid did you fall? My lovely wife and I were very near Gandhi (exact opposite of Bush) and this makes us happy."
Mike Vacha, West Fargo, ND

"Where did Beseler & Hanson place in the political affiliation test that appears on their politics page?"
Jeremy Middleton, Jacksonville, FL

"I placed just left of center (Economic Left/Right: -2.50, Social Libertarian/Authoritarian: -1.23). I've always maintained that I was a moderate Republican, and this shows me not far off from it, I guess, though it does put me into more of the moderate Democratic territory, which is fine with me, considering how much I've changed over the last six years or so as far as politics goes."
Christopher Hanson

"If you all of a sudden decided you wanted to get a tattoo, what would it be a tattoo of? I was recently struck with the urge to get a squirrel tattoo, but I'm not sure if that would be stupid or not."
Mike Vacha, West Fargo, ND

"Well, for anyone who knows me well enough, they know that I hate needles more than anything in the world, so a tattoo is pretty much out of the question for me. However, I've always joked about getting a tattoo somewhere on my body that was designed as a label or a tag from any type of clothing that said 'Made in Korea'. As far as a squirrel goes, I do actually think that's really stupid unless you have some sort of story to go with it. I think it would be better if you got something that said 'I laugh at pain'. I know you do."
Christopher Hanson

"Have you ever slept with any pros?"
Steven Joyce, Fargo, ND

"Define a 'pro' to me..."
Christopher Hanson

"To follow-up on your response to the 'you're a nice guy, but' question, what are your thoughts when the same girl giving the line is the one that always comes crying to you whenever things turn sour in her dating life (i.e. she likes to date superificial guys only looking for you know what, and not really interested in her as a person)?"
Anonymous

"One of the aspects of being a friend to anyone is being there to listen to your friends talk about their feelings and things that are going on in their lives, good or bad. I suppose this falls under that feelings that aren't good, as in this girl coming to talk to you about the boys that only want the physical and none of the emotional. First of all, let us look into something that you said- she LIKES to date superficial guys? It's your job as a friend sometimes to reveal to your hurting friend that if she doesn't want to end up in the same situation over and over again, she must do something to change her path. In this case, she needs to simply not go after these superficial guys. She's most certainly not going to want to hear that, but explaining to her that what she's doing to herself is no good (if that's what you do in fact believe) is something that a friend would do. We don't always like to hear certain points of advice, but this really is a no-brainer here. It's simple logic, and the sooner you help her see that, the better. She needs someone who wants to be in a relationship, not a physical excursion. Anyhow, as her friend, it's up to you to help her. If she comes crying to you over and over again, it's a surprise that she hasn't figured it out herself. You're the 'brother' who's there to suggest what she could do to better her life and her situation. Now, does it sometimes suck to be that guy? Sure, I can agree to that. I would much rather see a girl like that figure it out herself rather than me be the one to fight her battles for her. But, that's what friends are for. She has the choice- to listen and change, or end up in the same situation and outcome as before. It's up to you how patient you want to be. Good luck, brother."
Christopher Hanson

"What are your thoughts on the 'you're a nice guy, but...' line?"
Anonymous

"Ah, yes, there's the ever famous line, the 'nice guy' line, which is a close second to 'you're like a brother', which every guy gets at least once in their lives. I've gotten both of these lines a few times over the course of my life. No guy likes to hear it, despite the fact that it is a compliment of sorts. Anyways, over time, I've learned to accept it when it comes. Most of the time, if you get that line, you were probably expecting it, anyhow. Many people have told me that in the pursuit of a girl that you're attracted to, you must not get too close to them too quickly, or you will put yourself in danger of getting those two lines. I've always disagreed, as I think it's really important to establish a closeness of sorts before attempting a relationship. Not to say that I don't see their point, though. If you get the 'nice guy' line, nine times out of ten, I'd tend to think that the girl is actually pretty genuine, and though it sucks to run into that wall that seperates you and that lady from being more than friends, it's always nice to know that you have another friend that you can share a close bond with."
Christopher Hanson

"Why does Christopher only dance after drinking Jim Beam or Stoli Cokes? The general public wants to know."
Keira Oscarson, Fargo, ND, NDSU- Fargo, ND

"You know, that's a really good question that I'm still searching for an answer to myself. Actually, I've hated dancing since I was in junior high. I know it seems a little strange, but I once asked a girl named Tiffany to dance with me at Jim Hill Junior High School at a dance, and she turned me down. Ever since then, I've refused to dance with the exception of a few times. Over the years, I've also noted that I have no 'moves', while I also lack a strange amount of rhythm when I try to dance, which is a little unusual for a musician, now that I think about it. Obviously, the alcohol loosens me up a little (or a lot, depending on the amount), and I become a little less self-conscious, and that's when I let loose and dance. I'm funny that way."
Christopher Hanson

"Are you going to write another show for the Gold Star Marching Band?"
Anonymous

"No, I will not be arranging another show for the Gold Star Marching Band. While I most certainly had intrest in doing so and had received some cool ideas during the spring, I will not be doing the show for two reasons. The first reason is because I was asked to 'take a break' from it by a faculty member, and also because I will not be a member of the marching band this fall. You do the math."
Christopher Hanson

"What does 'honky tonk' mean?"
Carolyn Braus, Bismarck, ND, St. Mary's Central High School- Bismarck, ND

"A honky tonk was originally a bar or saloon back in the old west. These bars were the 'dives' for some of the businessman back in those days. It was unethically known for the prostitutes that worked there back when prostitution was legal and even when it wasn't. The music style of honky tonk was established back in those days as well. Often, these saloons had pianos in them, and patrons of the bar could listen to the piano playing while enjoying their beverages and whatnot. The style that we call honky tonk now sounds like an out of tune piano being played. This became the name for that music because these bars were often located in incredibly humid places, and the pianos would go out of tune often."
Christopher Hanson

"In the spirit of all the weddings this summer, what exactly makes a 'great' wedding?"
Anonymous

"I think all it takes to have a great wedding is two people that are in love and a whole bunch of friends and family to witness the vows. That's really all it probably takes. Of course, you can enhance things with some food (buffets are prefered), some wine (red, please), a wedding cake, (please don't put too much frosting on it) and a great band (notice I don't mention anything about DJ's here...) to dance to. Those things help. However, really, all you need is the first two things. Actually, now that I think about it, the band really should be there, too..."
Christopher Hanson

"Admit it Chris, I'm #6 in your saying things to your friends article. 'You're a cuddler?' Come on, fess up."
Sean Solberg, Chicago, IL

"Yes, Sean, you got me there, you're just one big teddy bear that I can't resist."
Christopher Hanson

"Why is your sister so much better looking than you? I mean, you came from the same parents and all..."
Erika L. Beseler, Fargo, ND

"Well, upon further inspection I have discovered a few things: 1) I did at least manage to get the same nose as Erika; 2) I do have awesome sideburns and dimples, but; 3) She's right, she is definitely the better looking Beseler. As to the reasons behind this great discrepancy in appearance, I'm going to blame it on those damn gnomes..."
Aaron Beseler

"Why is it that you can get our wedding pictures posted online, but my wonderful and nearly perfect husband can't? Will you teach me how?"
Jennifer T. Schwind, Fargo, ND

"I can come and show you how to do that if you would like, no problems. Your husband is wonderful, I guess. I don't know about that near perfect thing, though, keep in mind that I lived with him for quite some time, and I think he was far from perfect, my dear. Don't let him read this."
Christopher Hanson

"Why did you not support the new Renaissance Center downtown?"
Anonymous

"I had three reasons. First of all, where in the hell were all of those people going to park? Downtown parking is already really, really bad, and there was no plan for a parking garage in this plan. Secondly, the proposal stated that the same management company that manages the Dome would've been the managing group for this new center. The last time I checked, Global Spectrum wasn't doing much for bringing in any acts for the Dome. As a matter of fact, the last time I checked, that management group wasn't doing anything good for the city at all. Finally, I just didn't understand how the city spent the last five years preaching about how we needed to preserve 'historic downtown Fargo', then suddenly jumped on this idea of ripping up a whole city block worth of historic buildings in favor of the Renaissance Center plan."
Christopher Hanson

"So, why haven't you figured out who's been writing all the anonymous questions lately? Are you really stupid, or just dumb? Think about the answers, dumbface..."
Anonymous

"I'm just dumb, and REALLY stupid, Tim."
Christopher Hanson

"What is quorum for the Gold Star Band?"
Anonymous

"Two thirds of the band, or approximately 86 members of the Gold Star Concert and Marching Band."
Christopher Hanson

"Are you dead? Also are the pop-up ads necessary?"
Anonymous

"No, I'm not dead, or at least not physically. Mentally, I sometimes question whether I am or am not. As for the pop-ups, I have no idea why they come up. I'm kind of pissed about that myself. I need to check with my web hosting people..."
Christopher Hanson

"Who is your favorite roommate ever?"
Anonymous

"Before I answer this question, I have to say that all of my roommates have been a lot of fun to live with and I've enjoyed the time I've had with all of them. With that said, I would have to say that Tim Stine is my favorite roommate to this point. The great thing about living with Tim is the fact that he's the most serious musician that I've lived with, and over our years of living together, we've pushed each other to new levels in playing. Aside from that, we've pretty much always been laid back living together, and aside from a quarrel or two here and there, I've never had any problems or quips with Tim."
Christopher Hanson

"Do you feel that if some people would get over themelves, our band (the Gold Star Concert Band) would be a hell of a lot better?"
Anonymous

"I'm not going to lie to you, there are some people in the band who probably should get over themselves. There's a lot that can be said for modest people, in my opinion, and modesty is something that some of those people lack. That being said, I would offer my thoughts that only a small minority of members of the band are that way. We have a lot of talented players and members in the band, and I think we have a very good ensemble overall. Of course, it only takes one or two bad apples to spoil the whole bunch, I guess, and it's those sore thumbs that stick out the most no matter how much a good overall picture shines. The Gold Star Band is a great organization, and I think they have a lot to be proud of. There's a great deal of pride that can be taken in how they perform and how they take care of business under pressure (i.e. tours, time crunches, etc.) As for those who exhibit a bit of a cocky flare from time to time (some more than others), those people will learn in time. When I was young and wet behind the ears at age 19 or 20, I got knocked on my ass for being cocky. I thought I was all that, and guys with masters degrees in jazz studies from North Texas cut me off right away when I started talking. We all learn, and those you speak of will learn, too."
Christopher Hanson

"Chris, why do I like you so much? (This question is from a man.)"
Anonymous

"This question would be so much easier to answer if I knew who in the hell you were. So, why do you love? (Hey, isn't that the first song in the Napoleon Dynomite wedding song that Kip sang to LaFawnduh?) I don't know, I'm sort of at odds on how to answer a question like that. Hopefully you like me because I'm me and that's how it is. I don't try to be fake, and I'll always let you know what I think no matter how abrasive it could get. If you can like me through that situation, than you're a winner, and so am I."
Christopher Hanson

"If you could be any animal, what would you be and why?"
Krista and Shantel

"This question caused a lot more deliberation than I initially thought it would. My first thought was that it might be fun to be a three-toed sloth. I mean, they have poor eyesight (which I'm used to), a great sense of smell, they are fierce when defending against predators, and are slow-moving. They hang upside down and eat food without really having a care in the world. Then I thought I might get a little too bored as a sloth though, so I moved on and thought maybe I'd be a dolphin. Dolphins are graceful, sleek, intelligent, playful creatures. They can defend or flee from predators and have reasonably long life spans. Sounded good, but then I thought about the fact that I'd have to live in an ocean, and I don't really like oceans all that much, so I probably wouldn't want to live in one for the rest of my life. Next I thought I could be a bird, so maybe a condor? Condors are reasonably large birds, with great immune systems, and a long life span (about 60 years) so that didn't sound too bad. However, they are about the ugliest birds, with pink, bald heads and a weird throat sack thing. Besides that, though, they fly and I'm not a big fan of heights, so that wouldn't be that great. So how about a flightless bird then, like an Emperor penguin? Penguins are short, cute, and chubby, sounds like me already! They also like the freezing cold of Antarctica and I don't usually have a problem with cold weather, so that's no problem. There's kind of a big catch on this one, though. The male Emperor penguin has to stand still (literally) and balance the egg of the young on its feet while it shelters the egg in a feathered pouch for about 65 days straight without moving or eating, no matter what the weather is like. That definitely sounds like WAY too much to put up with. Finally, I came up with being a melanistic tiger. Tigers are proud, beautiful, strong animals that can go where they want, eat what they want, and not really worry about anything. Granted, I'm allergic to cats, but I'm guessing that if I was one I wouldn't have that problem. The melanistic (a black pigment in the coloring of the animal) is simply because I have an affinity for black tigers over the natural coloring. So there you have it, after careful consideration I would like to be a black tiger."
Aaron Beseler

"I would be a cute little kitty-cat so that girls would love me. Now, how's that for a pathetic answer? At least it wasn't a novel of an answer...just kidding, Beseler..."
Christopher Hanson

"Why are your roommate and his fiancee so hot?"
Anonymous

"Well, I have no idea why they're so hot, although I will have to agree with you on both. For Ruth, she's just a pretty young lady, and since I'm a male, I can say that no reservation. As far as Tim goes, I can simply rely on the many girls who have in the past told me how hot Tim is. Many think he's handsome as hell, while many others have become quite infatuated with his rear end. Several people I know have taken pictures of him and his ass over the years, and couple of them keep the pictures pinned up on their mirrors or their refridgerators. No kidding."
Christopher Hanson

"Of all your newly engaged friends, who is your favorite couple?"
Anonymous

"Man, that's kind of a tough question to be answering. I don't know if any of these engaged couples could be singled out as my favorite. I guess if I had to narrow it down to a few couples, first off, I would mention Tim and Ruth. I've known Tim for quite a while and lived with him for nearly four years. Tim and I have become sort of protective of each other in that way, so for Tim to marry Ruth, I think he knew that I'd have to approve. And, of course, I do, because Ruth is the coolest. She's creative in many ways, cares for many causes and many people, and is a great song writter and performer. How could I not approve of such an incredible girl. Besides, she's the only one that I can imagine that could handle living with Tim...besides me. Eddie and Jennifer come to mind as well. Jennifer is a hard-working and fun-loving person that we don't come around too often anymore. Incredibly good fate brought those two together, although I always like to think I had something to do with it...sort of. Eddie has met his match, though, and I think Jennifer is the missing link in his life that will blast him into bigger and better things in life. Of course, I think Annika and Al are a fun couple. It seems to me that they brought pretty good balance into each other's lives, and that's always nice to see. It seems to be the mark of something that will last a long time. Those three couples jump into my mind right away when it comes to somehow trying to classify any couples into the catagory that this nameless person proposed to me."
Christopher Hanson

"Which of those engaged couples would win a round of The Newlywed Game if you were hosting?"
Anonymous

"Well, if I'm remembering right, the game works like this- the husbands answer some questions while the wives are away, and then they ask those questions to the wives. Each correctly matched answer got them five points. Then, they did the same thing with the husbands and wives switching roles. Correct matches in that round were worth ten points. There was a final question at the end of the game that was worth twenty-five points. I imagine that either Tim and Ruth would win or Erika and Joel. To me, or as far as I can see, these two couples probably have spent the most time together over the last year or so, and I imagine those two sharing the most in communication to answer some of the questions that get asked on that show. Just an example of a few questions asked on the show...

"What type of object would best describe your signifigant other?"

"What were your first words to each other when you met?"

And, of course, the most famous question of all time on The Newlywed Show that got asked at least once a week...

"Where was the strangest place you made 'whopee'?"

Based on questions like that coupled with the generous amounts of time these couples spend together, I would guess that those two would have the best chance of winning, although I don't doubt that any of my other engaged friends would do a whole lot worse."
Christopher Hanson

"I came across your site recently after hearing it discussed in Concert Choir. It left an excellent first impression, until I stumbled upon a grave and obvious error. On your "movie review" section of the website, a rating of 3.5 was given to perhaps the finest cinematic masterpiece of all time, Street Fighter the Movie. Priceless acting, an extraordinary cast, and timeless one-liners make Street Fighter the Movie the most scrumtralescent film of our times. Dramatic lines such as "Bison, you're off the air", as Guile kicks the movie's principal villain into a giant collection of televisions are poetic indeed. My question is, what will be done to rectify this ghastly calculation resulting in a 3.5 for the "Citizen Kane" of the '90s?"
James Nicholas Sele, Fargo, ND

"To defend my evaluation of Street Fighter, I will break down the movie into the two main areas of evaluation (as well as a few secondary areas) that should be considered when reviewing movies:

Story and plot:
The storyline is pathetically weak, stretching to a thin wire any semblance of continuity or believability. The hostage situation with M. Bison was picked (I'm assuming by the flip of a coin) to be the main focus, as Guile leads a team of "elite" military soldiers against Bison to try and rescue the Allied Nation relief workers. Looking at the plot (curves in the story, climatic moments, etc...) we see background lines following the revenge scheme instigated by Chun-Li against Sagat as well as the transformation of Blanca by Dr. Dhalsim (who happens to be a hostage of Bison's). The movie presents a similar situation to many other video game/comic book movies as it throws in cheesy effects, explosions, and poorly choreographed fights in an attempt to distract the audience from the lack of coherance in the plot. Unfortunately for this one, the sets look plastic, the effects and explosions are badly done, and the fights (while trying to throw in a couple random moves from the video game) are sketchy at best.
Characters:
There are two areas of character development to look at, the actor/actress getting into the role (which helps to make roles believable) and the detail the audience sees in that character. First, it is very apparent that Raul Julia is the only actor who had any potential to act his/her way out of a paper bag, but the fact that he was cast in the mundane and over-exagerrated M. Bison role was undoubtedly the low point in his career. Secondly, while it is necessary to take characters from the game and twist around the backgrounds to fit them into a movie, this whole production was obviously a hastely constructed jumble to try and involve absolutely every character possible. A good example of character involvement is Brian Singer's adaptation of the X-Men into the two movies that have been released as he was smart enough to know that you can't involve every character from a comic book or video game and still keep the plot and story from become outlandish.
Other areas of evaluation to consider:
Some movies that lack plot/storyline aspects and are weak in the character department have attempted to make up for it in other areas, which can add to a movie but it will still ultimately fall flat in the end. These areas include special effects (Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrow attempted to do an entire movie in front of blue screens), believability (this can be amended to evaluate the successful adaptation of a characteristically unbelievable story, such as X-Men), comedic/tragic aspects (Caddyshack is a movie that had a significant absence of a deep plot, yet the comedy of the movie has made it one of the best simple comedies. Phenomenon achieved much of its merit through a combination of a few comic moments intermixed with tragic impact.), and the ability of a movie to persevere over time (Cool Hand Luke for example).

This is, of course, not a complete list of all criteria that movies can be evaluated by, but I see no other areas of merit in Street Fighter. I felt that I was being generous in my estimation of "3.5", which I gave it as a result of my recognition that occasionally there is a level of entertainment to be found in watching horrible movies to teach us to appreciate those that are well done." *End note: it is recognized that the above question was most likely a comic gesture by the contributor, even though my response was written as a serious defense.*
Aaron Beseler

"Hey dudes, I need some help with Madden 2005 for Playstation. I play Vikes vs Pack every Saturday for a food-related wager. Last time I lost I had to eat raspberry ice cream with ketchup and saurkraut. Will you help me with some defense related tips?"
Eric Solberg, St. Paul, MN

"I've always used a nickel package with a strong defensive back blitz that works wonders most times, though it opens up the opportunity for the offense to throw out easy to a tight end or a running back for easy short yardage when the blitz misses it's mark. But, I guess that's my way of doing things. I would probably start by going to http://games.channel.aol.com/cheats.adp?articleID=253664&page=19&gameID=14368 to read up a little bit on defense, though. I don't get to play a lot of PS2 Madden, as I'm still in the dark ages with my PS1. Check that info out, and tell me if it helped."
Christopher Hanson

"Would it be ok to set Dan Johnson up on a blind date?"
Andrew Ellingson, Orlando, Florida, Purdue University Alum

"Yes, it would be fine for you to do such a thing. It would've been nice to get that done in time for Valentines Day, but timing isn't always perfect, I guess. Then, if that works out, you can always set me up, even though you don't even know me..."
Christopher Hanson

"Have you ever had a crush on Joel Thompson?"
Anonymous

"First off, I have to say that hopefully these questions aren't becoming a pattern. That being said, I would say that I have never had a crush on Joel Thompson, even though there's so much to like about the guy. Good drummer, good person, and he watches awful movies with me, such as Bring it On and Thirteen Going on Thirty. He's also the father of 'Little Chris', so I feel a special connection there, but as far as a crush goes, there's never been one. Sorry, Joel."
Christopher Hanson

"What is the best way to show 'that special someone' that I care this Valentine's Day? I mean, I already married her, so what more can I do that doesn't cost a lot of money? (Rena, if you're reading this, I plan on spending a lot of money - the second part of the question is purely hypothetical...)"
Mike Vacha, West Fargo, ND, NDSU-Fargo, ND

"Take her out to Taco Bell and get it to go, take her to a movie at the $1 theatre, and go home, light some candles, and drink boxed wine out of dixie cups. Now, that's romantic to the extreme. Just kidding, I don't know what you should get her, I guess, considering that I've pretty much barred Valentine's Day from even being a 'legitimate' holiday, anyhow. If dinner and roses don't do it, then go out and buy her a BMW. You should know better than to ask me questions like this. Congratulations on ruining my life, Mike..."
Christopher Hanson

"Did you ever have a crush on Kirsten Solomonson?"
Anonymous

"The first thing I would have to ask about this before I even start to reply is, 'who wanted to know that?' I've received some interesting questions over my years in working this site, but nothing so random or direct before. I really wish people wouldn't send anonymous questions like that, at least leave your name or something. Anyhow, the answer, I guess, is no, I've never really had a crush on Kirsten Solomonson. Though I do consider her a very cute girl with a humerous demeanor and such, I never had a crush on her. Most of the time that I've known her, she's either had a boyfriend or other guys were on the pursuit, so as time went on, I never thought about it. Anyhow, Kirsten Solomonson is a cool person that I like as described above. She has provided us with some laughs over the years, and I imagine she will do that some more as time goes by. Now that I've answered this question, I'm beginning to get very curious as to who wrote the question. According to the IP address I have here, it's someone at NDSU..."
Christopher Hanson

"When, where, and why did the 'f-word' become a swear word?"
Mike Vacha, West Fargo, ND, NDSU- Fargo, ND

"I'm not going to explain this on the site since I don't want to write the 'f-word' all over this page, but I will give you a link to a page that does in fact give a lengthly history into what many consider the worst cuss word of all time.
Click here to read the history of this non-PC word..."
Christopher Hanson

"How much do you guys know about building websites? Your site has quite a lot of content, and it seems like you guys know a thing or two..."
Anonymous

"To be quite honest with you, I don't know a lot about HTML at all. The stuff I've used to build this site for the past four years or so has come from a very limited knowledge of what to do. I have a book I bought about seven years ago that I used to start building sites, and aside from that, I don't know much else. I do a lot of copying and pasting and whatnot. It's nothing impressive at all. Ask any pro site builder, and they'll tell you that our site is pretty bland. I guess I never really intended for this site to be anything exciting, just a place for people to go and read up on my life and such. The intent was to impress with content, not with design."
Christopher Hanson

"Alright, this one has bothered me since I was a wee little Pat. Donald Duck never wore pants. But whenever he got out of the shower, he always put a towel around his waste. Can you pontificate the defamation of this paradox?"
Pat Thiel, Fargo, ND, NDSU- Fargo, ND

"To find an official answer to this question, I decided to send off an e-mail to Disney. I wasn't sure if anyone there would take me seriously or not, but apparently they did, as they zipped me off a reply within 12 hours. Apparently this question is asked a lot, so I guess Pat isn't the only person in the world who's curious about trivial things. Anyhow, in the reply from Disney, I was told that when Donald Duck's character was created, they wanted him to be as human-like as possible. Donald Duck was a "male", so they wanted his character to react like any other male would. When a man steps out of the shower, he normally wraps a towel around himself. Well, at least most men do, although my roommate Tim Stine sometimes does not, and walks naked from the shower to his bedroom. In the Guard, we call that a 'casual stroll', but that's a completely different story altogether. Contact me if you want to hear that story in private..."
Christopher Hanson

"Where can I find Mark Kogan? He was a part of the Jass Festival from 1996 onwards. I am just an old friend."
Anonymous

"Honestly, I haven't seen or heard from Mark since Jass 1999, I think. The last I heard from some of my other Winnipeg friends was that he was still in the Winnipeg area. I thought I heard somewhere that he was married, too, but I can't tell you if that's true or not. Mark and I sort of lost touch after that Jass. I've been up to Winnipeg a handful of times since then, but I've never been able to locate the long-lost Mark Kogan."
Christopher Hanson

"This question is for both of you: If you could pick any city in the United States in which to reside, where would it be and why? Also, is there any city worldwide you know of that you would rather call home?"
Mike Vacha, West Fargo, ND

"If you've read the site for a while, you've probably noticed that I sing praises often to San Antonio. I would love to move back there again, and I would like to call it home again someday. The weather is always warm for the most part, and you never see snow. It's a safe community overall, as far as large cities go, and the music scene is always alive and well there. Austin isn't too far away, and I could always commute there for other musical opportunities. As for somewhere worldwide that I'd like to live, I guess Tokyo, Japan has been a thought, even more so since I saw the amazing camera work in the movie Lost in Translation. It looks like a dazzling city of lights and excitement, and even if I never live there, I'd love to just go there and spend a month exploring this amazing area."
Christopher Hanson

"Well, if I were to live anywhere in the United States, I think Flagstaff, Arizona was an absolutely beautiful area to live in, up in the mountains. I've always loved mountains (go figure, I live in North Dakota) and I remember staying in Flagstaff when I was younger as my dad was working on his Master's Degree at the time. It's up in the mountains of Arizona, so the weather wouldn't be as hot as it was when I lived in Yuma, and there is still a winter season, which isn't great for motorcycle, but I think I would miss winter if I never had it. As for worldwide, I would love to go to Dublin. I've never been to Europe at all, but I think I would absolutely love Ireland, even if I didn't live there for a long time."
Aaron Beseler

"Beseler, why don't you graduate? And what instrument do you play, for real?"
Anonymous

"Ah, the first time a question has been submitted for my perusal. Well, the first is an interesting question...or rather the answer to it is interesting. To shorten a potentionally insanely long answer, I will simply say that there have been a lot of road bumps that I've encountered over the years that have made me look at my college path a little more closely. I have added an English minor (for which Hanson dubbed me "Prince English Minor") that I will be completing in the next two semesters and then going through graduation in December of 2005. Has it taken me a long time? Yes. Should it have taken me that long? Obviously, since it has, it should have. Moving on, what instrument do I play? I consider myself a bass player that happens to have a level of proficiency on other instruments as well. I love playing bass, but I also enjoy playing bassoon in concert band and chamber ensemble settings. For those who don't know, when I came to college I was a saxophone player, but stopped concentrating on that a few years ago. Hopefully that clarifies everything."
Aaron Beseler

"Any chance you guys would do a 'Yes' marching show? That would rule. Also, does the GSB have choreography like Grambling and Southern? I would love to see Hanson busting out 'the worm' or a headspin. Happy holdiays. Can I crash over there on my way home?"
Eric Solberg, St. Paul, MN

"Multiple questions...alright. A 'Yes' show? Though I do respect the 70's progressive rock scene in which 'Yes' was a part of, I don't think a lot of people in the crowd (or even the band) really know anything about 'Yes'. Hell, I had a handful of people in the band who didn't know any of the Billy Joel tunes we played for the student show. So, I guess despite the intricate style and really cool ideas that 'Yes' could bring to a marching band arrangement, I probably wouldn't consider using their music for a full-length show. As for the choreography, no, we don't do a lot of that, either. The numbers aren't there for us to be like Grambling or other schools that have the capacity to do that sort of thing, such as Michigan, Florida State, and other big programs. It would be neat to have that sort of thing, but with a young Division I program like ours, we can't do that right now. Later on down the road, however, perhaps. I can't imagine myself doing 'the worm', although I could see Pat Thiel doing it. Oh, and yes, of course, you're always welcome to crash at my place."
Christopher Hanson

"Why don't the drum majors in the GSB carry metronomes? Honestly?"
Greg Prunty, NDSU-Fargo, ND

"With your tacked on punctuation to you question, I can possibly assume that you're a little upset about the tempos we took or perhaps inconsistantsy in time during the marching band season. My reply to that is fairly simple- why didn't someone complain about that during the season? But, in response to your question about the metronomes, I guess I'm a little ashamed to say that I guess we just never thought about it. I have about seven of them, too. I never thought of bringing one out during rehearsal, and I will admit that it's really good advice and a good idea all around for drum majors to do that in the future. Of course, I don't think Dr. Olfert normally brought one, either. Anyhow, thanks for the suggestion, and sorry if there were problems. If we would've known you were that unhappy, we would've been open to any ideas you had. Sorry if I'm overreacting or feeling defensive, but I think we were always open to any one's thoughts and ideas, and I think my fellow drum majors did the best job we could to lead the band..."
Christopher Hanson

"What are the characteristics of a typical freshman?"
Megan Dickey, NDSU-Fargo, ND

"Characteristics of a college freshman- well, there's so many variations. I've met a lot of freshman over the years, and I guess each one was really different. The main characteristics that would be prevelant to me is that they're on their own for the first time, and you can always tell. Everyone has different ways of dealing with that, depending on their maturity level and how responsible they are. But, no matter what the degree of those two aspects, every college freshman is going to learn a lot by being put in different situations. We all make mistakes when we're young. When we get older, we still make mistakes, too. These mistakes, we can learn a lot from over time, and I guess that's what we call 'growing up' for lack of a better way of putting it. It's good to make mistakes and it's good to learn from them in the 'growing up' process. The hard part is dealing with those mistakes and rectifying the situations. Dealing with the consequences and how everyone else perceives your mistakes is the tough part of life, but in the end, I guess it doesn't really matter what they think as long as you dealt with the situation(s) at hand and learned something from it. Freshmen learn a lot in that first year, and it's where you go from there that sort of determines how you'll deal with life in general when you get to the 'really real world'. I was a freshman once- a non-traditional 23-year old freshman, but I learned stuff, too. You and the rest of your incoming class will do the same on differing levels. That's kind of my take on the situation, although I'm not so sure I answered the question correctly. To summarize, freshman are young and unfinished, but learn over time how to take care of themselves and live life while learning how to live independently from their families. That's what I typically see and that's what I think is the right direction and path. As long as everyone learns something from the stops on the path, progress will is being made. And to me, that's the definition of 'life' as we know it from the day we step onto the planet to the day that we exit."
Christopher Hanson

"So I see that you've won the 'who will get married first' poll. However, I have heard you lament your lack of a girlfriend. Also, most of the pictures on the site are of you with a girl/girl's who are not your girlfriend. Might I hypothesize that if you cease to take photographs with the opposite sex they will find you more appealing. Actually I think you should stop trying to be with women period, if you don't try to get them, they will try to get you. Trust me, I'm married."
Sean P. Solberg, Chicago, Illinois

"First off, congratulations on your marriage. For those of you who don't know Sean, he's one of the most talented trombone players that I know. He's freshly graduated and freshly married, and now in the big city trying to make it as a musician, which he should have no problem doing with time. Anyhow, Sean, I have lamented in the past about my lack of girlfriends, actually, we used to lament together. Your hypothisis sounds good, and I agree even more that one should not try to be with a woman. I think I've held myself to that rule, also. I know that sometime in the next decade or so, I'll find some lovely lady. I mean, you're married, John Fred is married, Eddie Schwind soon will be married, who's next? Brad Jensen? Say that can't be so, I'll cry if it actually is..."
Christopher Hanson

"What are some good presents for guys (other than your father). Better yet, why can't guys just think like girls? You can buy a girl anything and make her happy, but a guy will almost always give you the 'I'll just smile and say I like it' look."
Anonymous

"Gifts for guys can be pretty much anything depending on what they like to do and such. I guess that's just common sense now that I think about it, and it's not really a very specific answer, but I guess it's true. Whenever anyone asks me what I want for my birthday or Christmas, I tell them not to get my anything at all. A lot of guys do that. As for your other questions, I think that guys are one of two things when it comes to reactions to gifts- a) he's content with anything and appreciative of what you got him, or b) he doesn't want to hurt your feelings by telling you he didn't want the gift. I think a lot of girls take guys to seriously in that arena, if that makes sense. We appreciate it very much when you get us gifts, and if they're like me, you're happy to get anything since it has a bigger signifigance- that I feel appreciated or loved. So, I wouldn't make such a big deal out those reactions, that's my thought on it."
Christopher Hanson

"Where do people learn to park? I have watched people nonchalantly park within inches of the car next to them and at such an angle that they take up two spaces. Is this a Fargo occurrence, or have you seen this everywhere you have lived and traveled?"
Mike Vacha, West Fargo, ND, NDSU- Fargo, ND

"Everyone sucks when it comes to parking. Just look around NDSU, especially on the streets. If they they see a space to park, they'll park there. But, they won't take the time to park nicely or decently. No, they'll just wedge themselves in there halfway out in the middle of the street. I mean, what can they do, they're six minutes late for a chemistry test, and the night before, they were out at Fox's celebrating a Bush/Cheney victory and they woke up much too late and had to get to school as soon as possible since if they got a B or less on the test, they would have to take the class again. But, that was a hypothetical situation. (I'm not bitter about anything here, am I?) Anyhow, I have seen bad parking in other places, such as big cities where I've lived. But, I tell you what, you don't worry so much about bad parking, you worry more about awful driving there. Parking is the least of all worries. That's the only good thing I can sort of say about Fargo. If you've never driven in rush-hour traffic (especially morning rush) before, you're missing out on a whole exciting chapter in your life."
Christopher Hanson

"What is the smallest number of states that a candidate could win to become predident?"
Anonymous

"I'm assuming someone is asking me this to know if I actually have the correct answer. Well, I love politics, so here's the answer as far as I know. There are 538 possible electoral votes, so it takes 270 electoral votes to win the election for President of the United States. The smallest number of states you could win and take the majority of electoral votes is twelve (for a total of 284 votes, actually)- California, Florida, Georgia, Illinois, Michigan, New Jersey, New York, North Carolina, Ohio, Pennsylvania, Texas, and Virginia. It wouldn't matter what the results were in the other 38 states and DC."
Christopher Hanson

"Do you agree that In the Mood is in fact the jazz equivalent of Smells Like Teen Spirit? I mean in the sense that every cover band in the world overplays the crap out of Smells Like Teen Spirit to the point that you want to, say, hit yourself in the head with a butter knife. And, hearing even the best jazz band in the world play In the Mood would still suck. Your thoughts? (Yes, I'm drunk.)"
Russell Pfaff, Fargo, ND, NDSU- Fargo, ND

"I do agree. As a jazz musician, and as a former active duty military musician, I agree to the fullest. I don't think I could even give you a raw estimate on how many times I've played that song. I have every trombone part memorized note for note, and I could probably even play the saxophone and trumpet solos for you on command. However, much like all of the 20-something people in the world who knew the song as an anthem while they were in high school from 1992-1998, all the elderly folks who knew swing back in the 40's and 50's know the song by heart as well and loved it so much, therefor, it gets played over and over to this day, especially for the older crowd. And, yes, I do often feel like beating myself in the head with butter knife, although I've done it for other reasons before."
Christopher Hanson

"During your most intense daily entry, you made reference to an excellent blueberry muffin. I am intrigued. Where did you obtain this muffin and what made it so fantastic? Where you in an especially jovial or lethargic mood when consuming the muffin? Could this, perhaps, have influenced your opinion of the muffin?"
Rena Vacha, Fargo, ND, NDSU- Fargo, ND

"I obtained the blueberry muffin when I went upstairs to the 2nd floor kitchen area to acquire a glass of water. I had my Nalgene bottle with me, but I wanted cold water, so I needed ice, and that's upstairs near the pop machine. Normally I look to see if the kitchen staff forgot to lock up the sandwich materials for the night (you notice how the Radisson is really good about locking up all food that one could eat in the middle of the night?) but of course someone was responsible and locked it all up. So, I got my water and then went to use the bathroom. I wanted to get all of this done quickly, since I don't really think Ken knows anything about my front desk except how to answer the phone. Anyhow, I took care of that business then realized I had forgotten my water at the sink. As I was going there, I noticed a large tray of pastries and such. I was sure they were for some sort of morning function at the hotel, but then thought to myself that I was sure they could survive without one of the forty pastries, so I took it. It just happened to be a blueberry muffin. I went and got my water, took my muffin down to the front office, and hid it from Ken. Didn't want him to get anal about me taking one friggin' muffin, because you know that he would. (Ken is the security guy.) Anyhow, I was jovial as hell when I ate it- I was really hungry. You wouldn't think one muffin would make you that happy, but at about 3:30 in the morning, anything that doesn't kill you makes you happy. To say that I was jovial prior to eating the muffin would be a lie- I was cranky, tired, hungry, and some other things. So, my mood was most certainly enhanced by the consumption of the muffin. It made my night better, though it didn't really cure any of the things I mentioned above. But, working overnight, you're looking for anything to be good, and if a muffin does the job...
Christopher Hanson

"Whatever happened to the lovely MIDI background sounds on your site?"
Anonymous

"I'll tell you why they're not there- because they annoyed the living piss out everyone. I loved them myself, but I guess I can understand how some people would get really tired of hearing Desperado and Ring of Fire over and over and over and over and over again."
Christopher Hanson

"Why is Dan Johnson such a big baby?"
Anonymous

"I wonder who asked that question. Actually, someone already admitted to sending me this strange question, so I respond like this. If you have housemates who don't want to have a party, that's something you have to consider no matter how lame you may think his reason(s) is/are. I wouldn't call it 'being a baby' under those circumstances. I know how you feel, and I like a good party too, and I had a roommate who didn't really want me to have parties every weekend, but we worked it out- sort of wheeled and dealed through it, and things were fine. I promised to clean the house and contain the behavior, and he was cool with it. Good luck with your situation. I'll leave it at that."
Christopher Hanson

"Why do donuts have holes? Are we getting cheated of that little cylinder of pastry that's missing?"
Anonymous

"There is a riveting theory as to the origin of the bulls eye in the doughnut. The story goes that a sea captain named Hanson Gregory, while manning his post one stormy night, found it impossible both to steer his vessel and to eat his fried cake. Out of sheer frustration, and probably out of hunger, he impaled his cake over one of the spokes of the ship's wheel, thereby creating a finger hold with which to grip the cake. Quite pleased with his ingenuity, Mr. Gregory ordered the galley's cook to fry the cakes in that manner henceforth. I don't know if that's the real reason why, but it's the most 'studied and documented' answers I've seen, so I'll do with it."
Christopher Hanson

"First, happy belated birthday! Second, if you were going to pass the Virginia bar, how would you go about doing that? I'll wait..."
John Fred, Durham, NC

"Thank you for the belated birthday wishes, I certainly do appreciate that. As for the passing the bar, well...I guess you just study your ass off and hope you pass. You're really smart, though, and I don't think you'll have any problems passing. Soon, I'll see you on Court TV defending (or prosecuting) some famous athlete, perhaps Kobe Bryant? I hope you'll be prosecuting, he would've have a prayer if you were..."
Christopher Hanson

"Why are frogs associated with the French? Are there lots of frogs there?"
Anonymous

"Perhaps it's because both the French and most frogs are unpleasent slimey creatures that no one wants to associate with in the first place. How's that for an answer? Just kidding- I have no idea why they're associated, to be honest."
Christopher Hanson

"Isn't it weird how two people from the lovely trombone section were both born on the same day?"
Zach Steele, West Fargo, ND, NDSU- Fargo, ND

"I don't find it weird at all, Zach, that this happened. I think it is truly a sign of things to come. What that is, I have no idea, but it is a sign of something, and that is a good thing. I made no sense here, I now realize. I end my ridiculous answer to your question simply by telling you, Zach Steele, happy birthday as well."
Christopher Hanson

"Have you ever wanted someone so much, as in a girl, that you would've done anything to get them, what did you do, and did you get the girl in the end?"
Anonymous

"Yes, I have. I waited. No, I didn't get the girl. I'll leave it at that."
Christopher Hanson

"Do you feel bitter toward your former mates over the past four years?"
Anonymous

"I would assume you're asking if I'm bitter about how things ended or didn't happen in the past relationships I've been involved with over the past four years. I guess the answer to that would be that I may feel a sense of bitterness about the results of things when it seemed they were not so much my fault, but I don't really feel a lot of bitterness towards those I was involved with. I would be lying if I told you that I didn't feel somewhat uncomfortable around their new boyfriends for whatever reasons I felt were credible, but I normally don't harbor any anger toward the former girlfriends in my life."
Christopher Hanson

"I've been anticipating the weekly interview when will that happen? Also, how do you suggest I organize my day now that I'm done with school forever?"
Eric Solberg, St. Paul, MN

"Ok, fair enough- I've been advertising that interview for a while now, and of course, I've done nothing about it. I thought real hard for a few days about who I was going to interview, and then of course, much like I always do, I slacked and forgot about it. At any rate, I will try to have something up there shortly. As for how you should spend your new life, you should get married, have 2.7 children, build a nice house, get a kitty, play in a symphony and teach in a private studio, write an opera, and become a famous film scorer. That all sounds pretty nice overall."
Christopher Hanson

"How much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?"
Anonymous

"It is interesting to know that 'woodchucks' are actually groundhogs- part of the squirel family. The name 'woodchuck' is an anglicized corruption of an Indian name for this species. 'Woodchucks' don't actually chuck wood in reality, but rather, they eat a lot of leafy plants and dig burrows in the ground. But, I suppose if a 'woodchuck' could actually chuck wood, he would chuck as much wood as a 'woodchuck' could chuck if a 'woodchuck' could actually chuck wood. I'm so smart..."
Christopher Hanson

"Oh mighty Chris, is it true that you won't be marching this upcoming season if you don't get drum major? If so, why?"
Zach Steele, West Fargo, ND, NDSU- Fargo, ND

"Well, yes, Zach, that is actually true. If I don't get the drum major spot, you'll see me watching the games and probably hanging around with the band, because how could I resist that? But, I won't be marching. It's not that I don't enjoy the marching band and whatnot, but it's just an awful lot of time, and this will me my fourth year of the marching band. I'm entering my 9th semster of school, and it's probably time to let go of some of the performance work and give others a chance to do it. However, I've never been a drum major before, and I'd like to give it a go. I haven't had that chance, and I'd like to try. Anyhow, I won't be bitter if I don't get the drum major position even though I do think I'm qualified to do so and have proven it a handful of times. My peers and professors make the call, and what's done is done. I love the GSB, and even if I'm no longer in it, I'll still love it as much."
Christopher Hanson

"Why do the Prindivlle Brothers look so damn good?"
Matt Prindiville, Grand Forks, ND, UND- Grand Forks, ND

"The world may never know."
Christopher Hanson

"Why did Dan Johnson ditch the Prindiville brothers when those two fine young gentlemen drove all the way to Brooklyn Park to see him? They saw Dan for about 10 seconds, then they had to settle for talking to Chris. (I think that's his name- the Mongolian-looking dude who runs that all- weekend social festival...oops, I mean jazz festival)..."
Matt Prindiville, Grand Forks, ND, UND- Grand Forks, ND

"Well, Matt, guess what- we all wonder that sometimes. Dano is a busy guy- usually either driving a bus, working on math homework, practicing, dressing up in a really big hot mascot costume, or doing laundry. Of course, he wasn't doing any of that on the evening in question, so I guess you'll just have to ask him, I suppose. I bet I could answer your question in three guesses, but I'll regress for now..."
Christopher Hanson

"It's 1:18 in the morning, and I'm too tired to sleep, so I thought that I'd ask you something. I used to live in Minot back in the day. My brothers are about your age, and I was wondering if you ever meet them in school, or whatever else. Their names: Andrew and Patrick. I know, it's a little weird that I have a bro named Patrick (Steele, Thiel...whoa...)"
Zach Steele, West Fargo, ND, NDSU- Fargo, ND

"First off, good to see that one of my fine trombone colleagues is checking out the site. Anyhow, I honestly don't remember right off hand any of your brothers. I remember your father asking me the same questions a few years back when you were still studying trombone with me. Take note that I am indeed quite old, and I graduated back before they had electricity here in Minot (that being 1995). I just happen to be in Minot right now, but when I get back to Fargo, perhaps I will page through a yearbook and search for names. If your brothers graduated in 1997 or later, chances are that I didn't know them or know of them. With that answer out of the way, I have a question for you. How can one be too tired to sleep? You're talking to a guy who works overnights for a living, and when I'm tired, I have to do everything to not fall asleep. Teach me your ways, great man. Oh, and it is a bit scary that you have a brother names Pat Steele, much like our 'beloved Pat' in the trombone section at NDSU, I can assume that your brother is normal, unlike our Pat, who regergitates movie quotes as a form of communication. Happy Easter, Zach."
Christopher Hanson

"When one is invited out for the evening by another single friend, how is the askee to know if the asker is asking he/she on a 'date' or on a innocent friendly outing?"
Jennifer Teigen, Fargo, ND

"My dearest Jennifer, what and who in the world would you be asking this question about? And, such a loaded question, too, my oh my. Well, the askee is allowed to think whatever he/she wants to think about it. I would say that if they are friends that usually hang out with other friends, one might consider it a date if they are alone together. But, I suppose it really is up to the askee to make the judgement call on whether it may be a date or not. In other words, I didn't answer your question at all, and I'm just trying to leave you in suspense. Ok, I suck, you don't have to tell me. I'm going to go cry, or perhaps I can curb my tears by doing a riverdance here in the lobby of the hotel. Picture that."
Christopher Hanson

"How did people get the idea that rats and mice like cheese so much? It's not like they can even get cheese out in nature."
Carolyn Braus, Bismarck St. Mary's Central, Bismarck, ND

"From what I have read, it seems that mice and rats will actually eat pretty much anything that can scavenge up. Consider their living areas and habits, I guess. The only documented thing I could find this morning about what rats really love is apparently peanut butter. They love the stuff. But, reading on a site called My Experiences Feeding Rats, it was brought to my attention that since peanut butter is high in fat, it wasn't actually very good for rats. So, in that way, rats are like humans- eating the wrong food even though it tastes so good. Interesting stuff. I can't believe I'm so intrigued right now..."
Christopher Hanson

"How do blind people find the braille signs on the wall? What if the blind person was really short and couldn't reach the signs?"
Jenn Schiff, Fargo, ND, NDSU- Fargo, ND

"Good questions. I have to admit that I don't actually know any blind people. I did a little study on the braille system once, and it's a fairly intricate system and all. But, I, muhc like you, have asked the same questions. How do they know where the signs are? Well, from what I'm guessing, braille signs and such were set up for people who are visually impaired (or legally blind), and not completely blind. They could see the signs and find the braille on there. Now, as far as the legally blind short people...well, I don't know. I smell a court battle coming on..."
Christopher Hanson

"What, assuming you are, are you giving up for Lent?"
Sarah Beck, NDSU- Fargo, ND

"You may think this is a little lame, but it really is a challenge for me. I'm giving up making fun of Jessy Klimpel. No joke. We've always poked at each other for a long time, but I actually think that giving it up for now will make me give it up forever, possibly. We were getting pretty mean to each other, and to the general population of the music department, it's a surprise to them that we're not at the verge of killing each other! Anyhow, my religious background does not require me to give up anything for Lent, but that's what I'm going to do, and it may make me a nicer person."
Christopher Hanson

"If someone is born with the sense of hearing, but later in their life loses that sense, are they condemned to having silent dreams as well? Or will their dreams still have sound?"
Russell Pfaff, Appleton, MN, NDSU- Fargo, ND

"There are actually documented studies on the books that discuss these thoughts of yours. Apparently yes, in dreams, deaf people who once had their sense of hearing intact, can indeed hear sounds in their dreams. I couldn't tell you how it works or how it happens, as I'm most certainly not some sort of a medical doctor, but I have seen things on TV, in magazines, and on radio shows about that topic. Oh, and to get completely off the subject, it's nice to see that you're still alive, Dr. Pfaff..."
Christopher Hanson

"Eric, Thor, and I have made an observation. Listen to John Coltrane's 'Meditations'. Would you not agree that this is the sound of what is going on inside the head of a woman? Really... check it out..."
James Prindiville, Minneapolis, MN, University of Minnesota- St. Paul, MN

"I have not listened to that particular album, but I do know much of Coltrane's work and his sound, and I could understand how that might be the case. Coltrane had a sound and feel that you could enjoy, but not always relate to or understand...much like women. I wonder what women think is the sound of what's going on inside a mans head. Jackyl? Let's hope not."
Christopher Hanson

"Oh, great wise and mighty guru, I have a new roommate this year, and at first things started out ok and we got along great. Now he/she is a complete slob. I try asking him/her to take care of their mess around the place and he/she never does. It's disgusting to live in that kind of a mess, but I refuse play mom and clean up after him/her. What should I do?"
Anonymous

"Well, your story is pretty similar to me. I've had plenty of roommates like that before. And, just as your story goes, I got to the point where I realized that I wasn't just a maid there, so I quit cleaning for them, too. Of course, then the house or apartment got really messy, and it totally sucked. Anyhow, you could do a number of things. You could move out. There are probably plenty of people out there who are clean and easy to live with. When you find them, let me know who they are. (I'm not really complaining, I like my roommate just fine). But, seriously, tell them that you're annoying and that something has to give. Asking to live in a clean and neat environment is not asking too much. Tell them to start cleaning up after them, or else you'll just start leaving their dirty dishes in their room. I did that a few times. It seemed to work out pretty well. Throw all of their dirty clothes and, well, dirty anything into their rooms. Anyhow, that's the hard thing about living with friends- you don't want to argue, but you get so damned mad about some things. Let them know they need to clean up, and if you have do, move out at the end of the lease. Sounds simple to me. Hell, I even did it."
Christopher Hanson

"Speaking of matters of the heart, there's a bartender at the casino where I work that is interested in me romantically. How do I let her down easy? And if you could, tell me how to let her down easy and still get some free drinks."
Eric Solberg, St. Paul, MN, University of Minnesota- Minneapolis, MN

"Well, Mr. Solberg, maybe it's about time to start spending some of your own hard-earned money on your drinks from now on, because after you tell her that you're not interested (whether you tell her nicely or bluntly), you probably won't get free drinks. How well do you know this girl, anyhow? I would imagine that it's just her being a bartender and you getting drinks, and it's not really so much a friendship yet. If that's the case, she's just going to ignore you from now on, with the exception of pouring up a delicious brew...which you will have to pay for from now on."
Christopher Hanson

"Hey smokes, how do I help my roommate get the stones to put the moves on his love interest? This is important because the first one with a girlfriend buys dinner for the rest of us single chaps."
Eric Solberg, St. Paul, MN, University of Minnesota- Minneapolis, MN

"This is pretty laughable- you asking me for some sort of advice on how to get the girl? Everyone knows that you don't ask Christopher Hanson that one. At least, if you want to get results, you don't ask me. But, I guess I can try to answer that one. First off, is he just not confident enough to ask her out? I know the person in question here, obviously, and I think that if he likes her, he should just go for it, what does he have to lose here? If I remember correctly, she obviously has some feeling for him. If you know, and you know that she knows, where's the problem? Yeah, easier said than done, but it's just how I see the situation at hand. Enjoy your dinner."
Christopher Hanson

"What's up with the frames? And why don't you format it so I'm not caught in your frames when I link out of your site? Is the 'target=_top' tag that difficult to write in the coding? And why is Labatt Blue so good?"
Mike Lehmann, Fargo, ND, NDSU- Fargo, ND

"First of all, people were always complaining about having to go back to the index page to get to other sections of the site. So, I did frames. I think it looks better even though you don't seem to like them. Second of all, I'm not an expert on HTML, and it took me quite some time to even find out how to do frames. So, I'll do things how I want to as I learn how to do them. And, of course, Labatt Blue is indeed good, and it tastes good because it's alcohol- the cure for everyone's problems. Wait, I didn't just say that, did I?"
Christopher Hanson

"Why do pen caps have holes in them? And, what happended to Dan?"
Carolyn Braus, Bismarck St. Mary's Central, Bismarck, ND

"If I had to guess, I would say that the tips of the pen need to have just a little bit of air and moisture to continue working, or so that the tip doesn't completely dry up. If you leave the cap off, the tip dries up. I don't know if that's a good correct answer, but I took my shot at it. As far as Dan, he's been busy doing laundry and practicing. That's all he ever tells me he's doing, so I guess we have to go with that."
Christopher Hanson

"What two mints are fused together to create Doublemint gum?"
Carolyn Braus, Bismarck St. Mary's Central, Bismarck, ND

"The main flavoring for Doublemint comes from an extract of peppermint, and that's about it as far as I know. I did some research on the Wrigley Chewing Gum page, and it looks as though they just use a lot of peppermint extract. Sounds yummy. No wonder I don't chew gum."
Christopher Hanson

"Why do dung beatles eat poop, and how can they enjoy it?"
Carolyn Braus, Bismarck St. Mary's Central, Bismarck, ND

"I have no answer to this question. I actually looked around the internet for information on dung beatles, and I found pretty much nothing, although I do know now that there is a famous EMO band out there by the same name. I did find some pictures of dung beatles, and those photos were, of course, pretty disgusting overall. I don't know why they eat dung, and I most certainly have no idea why they enjoy it. For a picture (if you want to be sort of grossed out), go to Kruger Park 2003. In the meantime, I'll keep...ummm...researching.

"Would someone please explain to me how the heck you guys elect your leaders down there? I'm not understanding this whole Democratic race."
Kevin Lopuck, Winnipeg, MB (Canada)

"I suppose you're curious as to why we have caucuses and primaries in the US. Well, a caucus is a political meeting at the local precinct level during which delegates are selected to represent the sponsoring party at the county convention. County convention delegates, in turn, select delegates to the district, state and national conventions. The Democratic and Republican National Conventions then select their parties' nominees for President and Vice President, so the local caucus is the first step in nominating Presidential and Vice Presidential candidates for office. States that hold caucuses do not require citizens to register to vote. Primaries are publicly financed state elections that are open to all registered members of the party holding the primary. They have been the preferred way of selecting delegates since the 1960s. They allow ordinary members of the party to play a key role in the selection of the delegates who will choose the presidential candidate."
Christopher Hanson

"My dog has been misbehaving a lot. I've tried just about everything, starving him, locking him in a closet for days on end, even beating him without mercy, but it's not working. What do you guys suggest?"
Patrick Thiel, Minot, ND, NDSU- Fargo, ND

"Purchase the following: 2 tablespoons all-purpose flour, 1 cup sour cream, 2 teaspoons beef bouillon granules, ¼ cup hot water, 1 tablespoon vegetable oil, 2 tablespoons sweet yellow onion, chopped, ¾ cup fresh mushrooms, sliced, 2 cups egg noodles, cooked, Salt and fresh ground pepper to taste. Then, do the following: Combine flour and sour cream. Dissolve bouillon granules in water. Add beef bouillon to flour/sour cream mixture, mix together and set aside. Kill your dog. Slice the dog meat across the grain into bite-size strips. Heat oil in a large skillet over medium heat. Stir in half the meat and cook till done. Remove from skillet and set aside. Add remaining meat, mushrooms, onions, and seasoning. Cook till meat is done and vegetables tender. Drain excess grease. Return all meat to skillet. Add sour cream mixture. Cook over medium heat till bubbly, about one minute. Remove from heat and let stand 2 to 3 minutes before serving. Cook egg noodles according to package directions. Serve dog stroganoff over warm noodles. It makes four servings. There you go."
Christopher Hanson

"Where did the statement 'OK' come from?"
Nicholas Heath, Cincinnati, OH

"I actually did a little research on this. 'OK' is a quintessentially American term that has spread from English to many other languages. It's origin was the subject of scholarly debate for many years until Allen Walker Read showed that 'OK' is based on a joke of sorts. 'OK' is first recorded in 1839, but was probably in circulation before that date. During the 1830's, there was a humoristic fashion in Boston newspapers to reduce a phrase to initials and supply an explanation in parentheses. Sometimes the abbreviations were misspelled to add to the humor. 'OK' was used in March 1839 as an abbreviation for all correct, the joke being that neither the 'O' nor the 'K' was correct. Originally spelled with periods, this term outlived most similar abbreviations, owing to its use in President Martin Van Buren's 1840 campaign for reelection. Because he was born in Kinderhook, New York, Van Buren was nicknamed 'Old Kinderhook', and the abbreviation proved eminently suitable for political slogans. That same year, an editorial referring to the receipt of a pin with the slogan 'O.K.' had this comment: 'frightful letters... significant of the birth-place of Martin Van Buren, old Kinderhook, as also the rallying word of the Democracy of the late election, all correct... Those who wear them should bear in mind that it will require their most strenuous exertions... to make all things 'O.K.' Now, if that reply doesn't make me some sort of a geek, I don't know what does.”
Christopher Hanson

"On the front of every zipper ever made there are the initials "YKK" on it.. Why is this?"
Nicholas Heath, Cincinnati, OH

"My friend, Greg, asked me this question on the site way back in the day (see the very bottom of this page, the question is there somewhere), and I told him that I didn't know- probably because I was being lazy and didn't really want to figure it out. But, upon some snooping around, I found out that 'YKK' is actually the initials for one of the biggest companies in the world to produce zippers- Yoshida Kogyo Kabushikikaisha, also known as Yoshida Company Limited in Japan. Interesting? I think so!"
Christopher Hanson

"So why is it that when one leaves a voice mail message on a friend's personal cell phone, the recording typically begins with 'Hey Christopher, this is Jenn...' (or insert own names) when the only person to listen to the message will be who you called (who already knows who he is) and nearly everyone has caller ID so it's redundant to state who's calling. How long will it take for us message-leavers evolve from this unnecesary practice?"
Jennifer Teigen, Fargo, ND

"Alright, for a start, that's the most words I've ever seen in a question before that resulted in such a truly short question in the first place. Only Jennifer Teigen could do such a thing. But, a question is a question, no matter how it was over-phrased. First of all, I love to leave messages on people's phones. I do it just for fun anymore. Most of the time, these people are pretty much annoyed, and normally, don't call me back since I didn't call for any reason in the first place. I often call girls and tell them I'm stalking them. I tell them my name first, then I tell them that I want to spy on them at night. Creepy, huh? Wait a minute...I'm totally getting off of the question at hand, here. It will take about the same amount of time to evolve from such 'habits' as the time it will take to get people to stop saying 'ATM Machines'. Don't those people annoy the piss out of you? I want to ring their necks. Seriously. Don't they understand that the 'M' in 'ATM' stands for machine? What in the world is wrong with these people. It's the little things in life that really piss me off. Now, I'm pissed off and don't want to answer questions anymore. This press-conference is over."
Christopher Hanson

"Grape Nuts. You open the box: no grapes, no nuts. What's the deal?"
Patrick Thiel, Minot, ND, NDSU- Fargo, ND

"You know, what, I actually e-mailed a resresntative at the Post cereal company about your question, and they never wrote me back. I am very disappointed by this, actually. I have no way to really answer your question, all because of Post cereal. I can't really say I've researched this out too much, though, since I'm allergic to nuts and all (no snide remarks or smirks here, folks). So, I don't know the deal, and I now plan on boycotting Post cereals. I'll bring it up at my Asian-Pride Rally."
Christopher Hanson

"You probably dont know me, really, but I would just like to say thanks for having all the band parties. Even though I am only a rookie and have only attended the past year's parties, I have really had a good time at them. Hope you have as good as time at your new place as you have had at the old house on sixth avenue!"
Alex Shepard, NDSU-Fargo, ND

"I know this isn't really a question, but I was actually pretty tickled to get an e-mail like this. First of all, yes, Alex, I do know who you are, and I thank you for this really nice e-mail. Perhaps you were only a rookie and all, but you did get to come to the get-togethers, and you had a good time and met some people, and that was really the idea of these things all the time. I wish I could host more of them, and hopefully someone picks up where Sara Dau and I have left off from the past five years of band fun."
Christopher Hanson

"First, let me say I enjoyed your website. It was very interesting and fun. Second, I recently became aware of the phrase 'hetero-lifemates' and wanted to know more about it. I am a homosexual, but have plenty of hetero friends and I've been really close to a couple of them. I guess, what I'm curious about is how you guys came to be? I used to study psychology and I was focusing in on male/male relationships...platonic and sexual, so I a very interested in you guys, how you relate and such. I hope this isn't a bother and appreciate any time you guys spend on answering."
Ray Drummond

"First off, thank you for checking out the site, as we always appreciate the visits from people from outside of the NDSU/Fargo, North Dakota world. Your compliments and comments are appreciated. As for where the hetero-lifemates deal came from, you may be familiar with Chasing Amy, one of the many fine Kevin Smith films of our days. I actually got the phrase from the movie, when Jay is describing his friendship with Silent Bob basically as two heterosexual friends of the same sex that seem to never be apart. When I wrote about those things on the site, I was describing some of my very best friendships with other males that I know well. I had never really put a lot of thought into it before until I got your e-mail, but I guess that's my take on it. Thanks for your question and thanks for visiting the site, and continue to do so!"
Christopher Hanson

”What do you guys like best about the holiday season?”
‘Ser-Bear’, NDSU- Fargo, ND

“I like a lot of things about the holiday season, really. The holidays are about the only time I ever get to go home and see my family, so that’s one of the most important things to me about the holiday. My sister is always home from DC at Christmas, and this is the only time during the year I get to see her at all. Of course, I also love my mom’s cooking, which is nothing like mine. She taught me how to cook, and I can hold my own, but she has a few years on me in that department, and therefore, does much better than me. Last, but not least, I do get to see a few of my old high school friends who have moved on to bigger and better things all over the nation. Christmastime is the only time they get home, and when we all get together, we have a pretty fine time.”
Christopher Hanson

“Chris, do you ever think you'll give me back my Hawaiian shirt, you stealing stealer?”
Matt Tintes, Fargo, ND, NDSU- Fargo, ND

“You know what, I’m not trying to steal your shirt, I swear. I’ve worn it twice (Get Leid Party and Jazz Lab Band Concert), and the rest of time, it’s sat in my closet on a hanger. It’s even clean. I washed it in anticipation of giving it back to you. I just forget about these things so easily. So, yes, someday you will get the shirt back, but you’ll have to badger me for it. I swear I didn’t give it to the homeless or use it for a toilet-cleaning rag. You’ll get it back in the same condition it was borrowed to me. Sorry for the delay, man…”
Christopher Hanson

"What's the deal with French people?"
Mike Lehmann, Fargo, ND, NDSU- Fargo, ND

"French people are people who were born in France or are of French descent. Many of these people speak French- especially the ones who live in France. It is said that the French are among the healthiest, wealthiest, and best-educated people in the world, or at least according to several periodical studies and works. Most French people ar Catholic, also, just in case you didn't know. Oh, and they're kind of stuck up, too. Does this answer your question?"
Christopher Hanson

"In a small town in Idaho, a group of people have formed a militia based on the ideals that people of Asian decent, especially Korean, should be praised and exalted for their godly and divine presence. What do you plan to do to combat this foolish and trite philosophy?"
Patrick Thiel, Minot, ND, NDSU- Fargo, ND

"And, the questions just keep on coming from Patrick. Alright, well, I did some research on your question, and I discovered that you were totally full of shit for a start. I found nothing in my extensive studying to show that there is in fact a militia in Idaho that praise Koreans. There are a lot of militias out there in the United States, but the one you asked about probably does not exist. However, if one did exist, you know I'd be the man in charge...and probably it's only member."
Christopher Hanson

"How can you explain natural phenomenas such as hurricanes, black holes, and Ben Cory's musk, rugged good looks?"
Patrick Thiel, Minot, ND, NDSU- Fargo, ND

"Well, Pat, first things first- a hurricane is not a phenomena, alright. The term 'hurricane' is actually a regionally specific name for a strong 'tropical cyclone'. A tropical cyclone is the generic term for a non-frontal synoptic scale low-pressure system over tropical or sub-tropical waters with organized convection (i.e. thunderstorm activity) and definite cyclonic surface wind circulation. Next off, a black hole is not really a phenomena, either. Loosely speaking, a black hole is a region of space that has so much mass concentrated in it that there is no way for a nearby object to escape its gravitational pull. Now that we got all of that out of the way, we come to the thought of Ben Cory and his 'rugged good looks', as you put it. Well, Pat, I have to admit- there is no way that I can explain this, and therefor, I would have to agree with you- Ben Cory is one good looking sexy man, and it is indeed a natural phenomena for which I have no explination. But, I do know one thing, though- Jenny is happy for such phenomenas."
Christopher Hanson

"Is the rumour of a Jass 10th Anniversary true?"
Kevin Lopuck, Winnipeg, Manitoba Canada

"Well, yes, Kevin, the rumor is in fact a true statement, we will celebrate ten years of the Jass Festival in Minot next summer with a reunion of all members of Jass from the past ten years. Expect there to be some good times, some good playing, and some memories shared. I've been to all of the last nine festivals, so expect me to be talking. I don't forget anything about Jass...as much as some of you would wish I would..."
Christopher Hanson

"What are some of your views on Canadians?"
Erin Shipley, Headingley, Manitoba Canada

"I have never had any real problems with our neighbors from north, except for the fact that they don't use the letter 'z', rather the word 'zed'. I think that bothers all Americans. Well, me, anyhow. Canadians seem to be good people to me, and I've never had a problems with it. They support their people and culture, and in my eyes, grasp that culture much more than most Americans do. For example, in Winnipeg, the ties to French culture are passed on through community and family much more than anything we would consider in America. It seems to me that America has put culture and family in the backseat, while money, business, and the pursuit of success in the economical world have become the drivers of our country. I do find this quite sad at times. How could something so basic and important become so faded over the years? Anyhow, Canada gets a bad hit from some Americans, but I bet if we asked those very Americans why the don't like Canada, they would say something stupid, like 'Canadians are dumb'. Wait a minute- who are the dumb ones here? Anyhow, though this doesn't sound like a real educated answer to your questions, but I will simply say this- I like Canada, I wish I could visit more often, and I love that one beer that Elliott Canotor kept feeding me when I was in Winnipeg in the spring of 2001."

Christopher Hanson

"So, what do you think of Andrew and Tanya?"
No name given

"What am I supposed to think of Andrew and Tanya? If you're asking about them as individuals, I think they're wonderful people. I like working with them musically very much, and I enjoy their company, as well. Tanya has been deemed my little sister, after all. I'm glad to see Anrew back with us again, as we had no idea until the school year started if he would be here or somewhere else. Both are top-notch people, in my book. If you're asking about them as a couple, I say that I think they're cute together and I think they're great. I don't really see them together too often, but I'm sure they're both doing well and are happy, and that's about all you could ask for. More power to them."
Christopher Hanson

"What would you do if the cops came to your house while you where having a theme party?"
Brian Kirchhoff, New Germany, MN, NDSU- Fargo, ND

"Well, it depends on the theme of the party. I mean, if it's "Swim Naked in Jello" theme night, then I'm at least going to have some fun with the cops. Maybe toss them in the jello? If I'm going to get charged with a noise complaint, it won't hurt to get assault, too. If it's "Party Naked" night, then I'm going to stand at the door with nothing but a smile on, and try to talk my way out of getting in trouble as the cop is forced to stare at me in nothing by my birthday suit. Boy, if it turns out to be "Spank Your Best Friend" night..."
Christopher Hanson

"I figured I would ask the all-knowing ones these questions: why are we here and what is the meaning of life?"
Alex Berg, Fargo, ND, NDSU-Fargo, ND

"Well, Alex, let me explain this to you in technical terms, since if you're asking me this, you probably haven't been told this. The reason we're here is because your mom and dad once had sex. Yes, I know, you don't usually think about these things, but hear me out, ok? Your mom got pregnant, and nine months later, you came along. You grew up, and here you are, in college going to school to push drugs legally, and you play a lot of piano and guitar. As for the meaning of life, it's when the sperm joins up with the egg, and says, 'I like you, let's get together and create some unique stuff'. There you have it. Would you like fries with that?"
Christopher Hanson

"Why do they call them 'buffalo wings', if buffalo don't have wings?"
Alex Shepard, NDSU- Fargo, ND

"Did you ever notice that buffalo wings are served mostly at establishments where there's alcohol? Yeah- they do that so that when people get drunk and eat the wings, they don't ask questions like that. I'd think about the question a little harder if I didn't have to drink the rest of this Everclear..."
Christopher Hanson

"How did George Bush really become the Predident?"
Alex Shepard, NDSU- Fargo, ND

"Ask the attorney general of Florida. She'll tell you that it was 'magic'."
Christopher Hanson

George Bush became president because he had the majority of the electoral college votes. Florida was handled incorrectly only by their supreme court, who decided to get involved when it wasn't an issue of law at all. The attorney general, check your facts folks, certified the correct winner of Florida, based on the vote counts. The most fishy thing was that Gore only wanted 4 counties recounted, and low and behold they happened to be the 4 biggest Democrat counties. Oh, a little known fact: About this time, Gore was also trying to get the military people's absentee votes thrown out. Hmmm.. funny that one didn't make the nightly news
Dan Johnson

”Would you say that you love me, or that you’re in love with me?”
Patrick Thiel, Minot, ND, NDSU- Fargo, ND

“I better keep things safe, and simply say that I love you in a non-homosexual manner. After all, who wouldn’t love Pat Thiel? I’d be willing to start a poll asking that sort of thing. Imagine the numbers! We’d be boosting Mr. Thiel’s ego to brand new levels. Scary. Very scary.”
Christopher Hanson

Well, Pat, I'd have to say that your "like my best friend" or "like a brother to me" or "It's not me its you let me figure things out right now" or "I like you but I'm gonna jerk you around anyway" or "It's my weekend with my dad, otherwise I'd like you"
Dan Johnson

"Why don't you like snakes? Many Asians worship them as a symbol of fertility."
Sarah Beck, NDSU- Fargo, ND

"A symbol of fertility? Are you kidding me? More like a symbol of something can wrap itself around you and strangle you to death, or something that can bite you and kill you. When I think of snake, I think of it swallowing a mouse. That scares me.

Oh, and am I really Asian? Someone get me a mirror..."
Christopher Hanson

"As I was skimming your site, I noticed the question on your stance on pre-marital sex. Due to the length of your response, I passed on reading it, due mainly in part to my short attention span. And speaking of horses, I shall finally pose my question...Why do you feel inclined to these questions with much more information than we ever needed or cared to read? P.S. Monkeys are always funny. Your site needs more monkeys."
Matt Tintes, Fargo, ND, NDSU- Fargo, ND

"Matt Tintes is a big monkey. I repeat- a monkey. A man-whore and a monkey. This is what we evolved out of, folks. Big furry creatures who fling poo at stuff. The future looks so bright."
Christopher Hanson

"Why is Nina so hot...although, I'm gay..."
Matt Tintes, Fargo, ND, NDSU- Fargo, ND

"Nina is a very pretty young lady, indeed. I don't know why she's hot, but that's fine, I don't mind. I'll miss he when she leaves for Canada. Not just because she's good looking, though, but because she's a pretty cool and sweet girl. As for the answer to your question, I don't know why she's so hot. Who cares? As for you being gay...who cares? With an e-mail address like the one you've got (matttintes@ilikedudes.com), well...we'll let the text speak for itself. Ha!"
Christopher Hanson

"How is it possible that a band as good as Patents Pending couldn't get gigs when there's so many bands that suck big time and play every weekend?"
Russell Pfaff, Fargo, ND, NDSU- Fargo, ND

"You know what, Russ, I've asked myself that a lot, and continue to ask myself that a lot. I guess what it comes down to from what other members of gigging bands have told me- that you have to play what everyone else wants to hear (also known as "selling out"), which in a town like Fargo, means you're basically pushed into a corner of playing bad modern popular rock, country music, or 80's. This is a small town, and you can only do so much here. I know that in San Antonio, you could play a lot of stuff and do well. Our brand of music would've worked in a bigger city. Anyhow, many have told me that a band is a service for the people, and it's a business, and I don't disagree with that. But, I sure wish there was some give and take, though. Barowners would've even give us a chance. We saw that people liked us at the Empire. But, that's as far as we could get because the owner's eyes are blind. I disagree with it when people say you have to be crazy on stage. I don't think a band is there to look and act stupid or unique, they're there to play good music and make the crowd jive. I'm not saying that standing idle is a good thing, but look at how Alan Jackson has made things work- he hardly talks at all on stage, he just sings and plays, and his band is good. But, that's just an arguement. Anyhow, Patents Pending was a great band, and if any of you want to give it a go again, let's rock n' roll, for a lack of a better phrase."
Christopher Hanson

I think Patents Pending failed because the band played what the band wanted to play, NOT what the people of Fargo wanted to hear. Thats the bottom line. I think we were a good band, and I think we played some pretty decent music, but bottom line is the Fargo scene didn't want to hear that music. If you want to play music for a certain crowd, you should probably play what they like or you won't get very far. The Empire liked us cause it's a bunch of drunk people that just wanted to dance, and they liked to dance to something with a beat. Period.
The band was good, poor music choice on the groups part.
Dan Johnson

"What is the difference between a pinto horse and a paint horse?"
Carolyn Braus, Bismarck, ND, St. Mary's Grade School

"Well, Websters Dictionary defines a pinto (horse) as A horse with patchy markings of white and another color. A look at http://www.apha.com tells us that paint horses are quite common, and they can be distinguished by a number of factors, to include:

1) Strict bloodline requirements and a distinctive stock-horse body type.
2) Exhibits a minimum amount of white hair over unpigmented (pink) skin.
3) Has a particular combination of white and any color of the equine spectrum: black, bay, brown, chestnut, dun, grullo, sorrel, palomino, buckskin, gray or roan.

I did find a site for the Pinto Horse Association, and I found that the characteristics of the Pinto are very similar to those of the Paint Horse. I guess I can't say that they're the same, but I can't tell that they're different. For information about the Pinto Horse, check out their site at http://www.pinto.org, and let me know your opinion.
Christopher Hanson

"Do bunny rabbits like Christopher Hanson?"
Jennifer Braus, Bismarck, ND

"You know the answer to that, smarty pants. I'm sure you recall the day in 1999 when I was visiting your house and playing with the bunny. I think he (she?) liked me quite a lot...right up to that part where he (she?) took a bite out of my hand. Bunnys- cute, but dangerous..."
Christopher Hanson

"Why is the hamburger called a 'ham'burger when it's made out of beef?"
Carolyn Braus, Bismarck, ND, St. Mary's Grade School

"I must confess that I don't know, although I have wondered the same trivial thing from time to time. Since I have no answer, I guess I'll just say that German people are weird."
Christopher Hanson

"I think it's because the first hamburger probably originated from Hamburg, Germany. Some will say it's American, but I think the name implies differently."
Dan Johnson

"The couches in the entry of the Doublewood Inn are wearing out. Will they consider selling two of them to the Braus House?"
Liz Braus, Bismarck, ND

"Well, Ms. Braus, we did get new furniture in the lobby of the hotel, and I must admit, though they are nice, they're just not as comfortable as those leather couches. The couches were in high demand, and everyone was asking if they could purchase them, myself included. However, the hotel chose to keep the couches, and they have placed them in strategic places in the conference center area. So, sadly, we can't get those couches to you. I always thought it would be nice to get a couple to you, and those comfortable chairs to my house."
Christopher Hanson

"What kinds of churches and religions are in China?"
Janice, Calgary and Valley View Elementary

"Well, this is the most educational question ever posted on my site before, but that's fine, we said it- we take all questions. So, in response to your question on Chinese religion, I tell you that I haven't done a lot of study on the topic, but I do remember for sure that there are several practiced religions that are popular and well attended to. Christianity has been making it's spread in the region now for the last fifty to one-hundred years, in addition to the historical religions that the Chinese follow, to include sects sech as Confucianism (which is practiced heavily in Korea as well) and Buddhisim. I did a little looking around on the internet, and found a couple of sites worth looking at done up by the experts who know more than me. I highly suggest that you read Stephen F. Teiser's cultural studies report entitled Spirits of Chinese Religions. I read through this and learned a great deal on the subject."
Christopher Hanson

"What is your view on pre-marital sex?"
Anonymous E-mail

"Oh, good Lord, a serious question? It's been a while! Well, I better think a little about this one, and try to be serious. I guess I can say that I could pull myself in a few different directions on this question, and I'll try to be objective. I honestly don't see a huge problem with pre-marital sex. In a more modern and liberal world, sex has evolved in many people's eyes. Sex used to be such a moral issue, and to some extent, still is. I have no problem with people who choose to wait to have sex, really. Sex is a personal choice for two people to decide on. My take on it all is that if you're involved in a good healthy relationship based on the merit of your emotional connections, and you feel the time is right to move up on the physical side, that is your choice, and if you choose to have sex, that's between you and your partner. I don't encourage anyone to do a one night stand or to just have sex to have it, of course. I think there needs to be a certain emotional constant involved. This is what I've always based the measure of physical activity on. Everyone falters sometimes, everyone is different, and it really is a choice that can be hard to make. That's my take on it, I guess."
Christopher Hanson

"Boy, this question could be a hot bed of arguments, both on and off our sight. Although Chris and I have never really discussed this topic in depth, I believe we both know that we disagree on it. My take on the pre-marital sex issue is by far a more "traditional" approach I guess you could call it. I could open a HUGE can of worms, and mention that the Bible does speak against it, in many instances. Email me if you want a couple of those. The problem with using that, is that although some respect it for others to use as a guide, they don't take stock in it for what it says itself to be, that being "The Word of God" So to prevent that discussion here, I'll stop the Biblical side of it.

The reason stated above is one reason I personally, will wait (although that day may never come, so be it I guess) I feel society and time hasn't evolved sex, it has dimished, for lack of a better term, it's importance. People who have waited until they were married, are closer to just one person than they have been or (ideally should) ever be again with another person. It's something they have together that no other has had with either of them (in this case) And after marriage, breaking up won't happen (ideally, once again) so thats still just between you two. I personally think thats kindof cool in a way, maybe it'd old fashioned, but Isn't part of the point of being married that of "something you have with only one person?" You can't be married (well, legally) to more than one person, and most (not all) religions prohibit it. So, if that person you're married to is supposed to be "the one" you spend the rest of your life publically attached to, couldn't it also be said that it'll be that much more important to a married couple if they've been with only each other? Wouldn't that seem to help the bond a little more?

These are just my thoughts. You can laugh, you can yell, you can flame me. I don't care. Thats how I feel. Others who wait on sex and aren't afraid to wait, and can keep their desire in check, are on a level of respect with me like no other. It's a curious thing, not that I don't respect someone totally based on whether or not they've slept with somebody, just that those I know who have made the choice to hold off, and a difficult one it can be from time to time, have a little bit of extra credit in my book."