Rules for Being a Lead Trumpet Player...
Dave Stordalen, a faithful trombone player, sent this my way...
1) Never cut off the last note with the rest of the band, always hang
over
to draw attention to yourself. This will help to get you laid at the
end
of the night.
2) Never let anyone in the trumpet section play higher than you. This
will
weaken your authority as the leader and lessen your chances of getting
laid at the end of the gig.
3) Never button the top three or four buttons of your shirt. This will
help to show the medallion hanging around your neck. This is the sign
of a
true Italian Stallion, and will help you get laid.
4) Always make playing the trumpet look harder than it really is. This
looks impressive, and will definitely increase your chances of getting
laid at the end of the gig.
5) Always be a little late for the bus because this will show everyone
that you are very important. It will also reaffirm to everyone that you
are the top dog in the band.
6) When you got lucky the night before, always show up for breakfast in
the hotel restaurant with the bimbo that you got lucky with last night.
This is very impressive and most of the guys in the band will be
jealous.
7) When ever possible, have your bimbo always ride the bus. This will
create good will in the band. Once the guys really get to know her, she
will be like one of the family and it will make the band tighter.
8) Whenever possible, take something up an octave. Many arrangers
really
don't know exactly how to write for the trumpet so this will improve
the
chart and overall musicality--not to mention that all woman really like
high notes (and of course this will help you to get laid at the end of
the
gig).
9) Remember, the bigger asshole you can be in the band, the more people
will like you. Also, don't worry about your ego being too big, most
people
really respect that. This will probably get you more gigs and of course
more gigs mean more bimbos.