Beseler's Lists

This used to be Beseler's Top Ten Lists, but I decided to turn it into more of a variety list page, so enjoy the randomness that gets put up here.
Send your ideas in to Beseler




I stole this survey from Mikey's Xanga site, and he stole it from someone else, so feel free to steal it yourself. If you do take the survey, though, please submit your overall number to me, merely for my own curiosity's sake.

Supposedly if you've seen over 70 of these 180 movies, you have no life. I would like to point out that many of the movies on here do not specify whether they are referring to the original or the remake(s). I am assuming, therefore, that they are referring to the remakes. There are a few movies on the list that I (unlike Mikey) have seen the original and remakes of. And, no, I'm not proud of seeing some of these (i.e. Napoleon Dynamite).

(x) Rocky Horror Picture Show
(x) Grease
(x) Pirates of the Caribbean
(x) Boondock Saints
(x) The Mexican
(x) Fight Club
(x) Starsky and Hutch
(x) Neverending Story
(x) Blazing Saddles
(x) Airplane
Section 1: 10/10

(x) The Princess Bride
(x) Young Frankenstien
(x) AnchorMan: The Legend of Ron Burgandy
(x) Napoleon Dynamite
(x) Saw
(x) White Noise
( ) White Oleander
(x) Anger Management
(x) 50 First Dates
( ) Jason X
Section 2: 8/10

(x) Scream
(x) Scream 2
(x) Scream 3
(x) Scary Movie
(x) Scary Movie 2
(x) Scary Movie 3
(x) American Pie
(x) American Pie 2
(x) American Wedding
(x) Harry Potter
Section 3: 10/10

(x) Harry Potter 2
(x) Harry Potter 3
( ) Harry Potter 4
(x) Resident evil I
(x) Resident Evil 2
(x) The Wedding Singer
( ) Little Black Book
(x) The Village
(x) Donnie Darko
(x) Lilo & Stitch
Section 4: 8/10

(x) Finding Nemo
( ) Finding Neverland
(x) 13 Ghosts
(x) Signs
(x) The Grinch
(x) Texas Chainsaw Massacre
( ) White Chicks
(x) Butterfly Effect
(x) Thirteen Going on 30
(x) I, Robot
Section 5: 8/10

(x) Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story
(x) Universal Soldier
( ) A Series Of Unfortunate Events
(x) Along Came Polly
(x) Deep Impact
(x) KingPin
(x) Never Been Kissed
(x) Meet The Parents
(x) Meet the Fockers
( )Eight Crazy Nights
Section 6: 8/10

( )A Cinderella Story
(x) the Terminal
( )The Lizzie McGuire Movie
( ) Passport to Paris
(x) Dumb & Dumber
(x) Dumb & Dumberer
(x) Final Destination
(x) Final Destination 2
(x) Halloween
(x) The Ring
Section 7: 7/10

(x)The Ring 2
(x) Harold & Kumar go to White Castle
(x) Practical magic
(x) Chicago
(x) Ghost Ship
(x) From Hell
(x) Hellboy
(x) Secret Window
(x) I Am Sam
(x) The Whole Nine Yards
Section 8: 10/10

(x) The Day After Tomorrow
(x) Child's Play
(x) Bride of Chucky
(x) Ten Things I Hate About You
(x) Just Married
(x) Gothika
(x) Nightmare on Elm Street
(x) Sixteen Candles
( )Coach Carter
(x) Bad Boys
Section 9: 9/10

(x) Bad Boys 2
(x) Joy Ride
(x) Se7en
(x) Oceans eleven
(x) Ocean's Twelve
(x) Identity
( ) Lone Star
(x) Bedazzled
(x) Predator I
(x) Predator II
Section 10: 9/10

(x) Independence Day
( ) Cujo
( ) A Bronx Tale
( ) Darkness Falls
(x) Christine
(x) ET
( ) Children of the Corn
( ) My Boss' daughter
(x) Maid in manhattan
(x) Frailty
Section 11: 5/10

( ) Best Bet
(x) How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days
(x) She's All That
( ) Calendar girls
( ) Sideways
(x) Mars Attacks
(x) Event Horizon
(x) Ever After
(x) Forrest Gump
(x) Big Trouble in Little China
Section 12: 7/10

(x) X-Men
(x) X-2
(x) Jeepers Creepers
(x) Jeepers Creepers 2
(x) Catch Me If You Can
(x) The Others
(x) Freaky Friday [Must have seen both original and remake to count]
(x) Reign of Fire
(x) Cruel Intentions
(x) The Hot chick
Section 13: 10/10

(x) Swimfan
(x) Miracle
(x) Old School
( ) The Notebook
( ) K-Pax
(x) Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring
(x) Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers
(x) Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King
(x) Walk to Remember
( ) Boogeyman
Section 14: 7/10

(x) Hitch
(x) The Fifth Element
(x) Star Wars Episode I The Phantom Menace
(x) Star Wars Episode II Attack of the clones
(x) Star Wars Episode III Revenge of The Sith
(x) Star Wars Episode IV A New Hope
(x) Star Wars Episode V The Empire Strikes Back
(x) Star Wars Episode VI Return of The Jedi
(x) Troop Beverly Hills
( ) Swimming with Sharks
Section 15: 9/10

(x) Air Force One
(x) For Richer or Poorer
( ) Trainspotting
( ) People Under the Stairs
( ) Blue Velvet
(x) Sound of Music
(x) Parent Trap 1
(x) Parent Trap 2
(x) The Burbs
(x) The Terminator
Section 16: 7/10

(x) Empire Records
( ) SLC Punk
(x) Meet Joe Black
(x) Nightmare Before Christmas
(x) The Silence of the Lambs
(x) Sleepy Hollow
( ) I Heart Huckabees
( ) 24 Hour Party People
( ) Blood In Blood Out
( ) The Virgin Suicides
Section 17: 5/10

(x) Legally blonde 1
( ) Legally blonde 2
(x) Pretty woman
(x) Mean girls
(x) Terminator 2
(x) Terminator 3
(x) Waynes world
(x) Waynes world 2
(x) Blade
( )Spongebob Squarepants the movie
Section 18: 8/10

Total – 145 – Damn, I’ve seen a lot of flippin’ movies.


November 7, 2005

Top Ten Reasons Why Joel Is So Cool...(idea submitted by Joel)

10. *
9. *
8. *
7. *
6. *
5. *
4. *

3. *
2. *

1. *

* = I actually felt my brain aneurizing as I attempted to complete this list and was forced to stop. Thank you.


October 20, 2005

Top Ten Family Guy Episodes To Date (and a memorable moment from each)...

10. Episode 217 - The Thin White Line: Peter wins a tranquilizer dart hunt...
9. Episode 111 - Holy Crap: Peter hijacks the Pope Mobile with the Pope and takes him to the toy factory...
8. Episode 209 - Dammit Janet: Stewie - "I will not be made a fool of!" (followed by kids landing on top of him)...
7. Episode 115 - The King is Dead: Peter completely changes the production of The King and I...
6. Episode 101 - Death has a Shadow: The Pilot Episode. 'Nuff Said.
5. Episode 301 - Emission Impossible: Stewie - "The gleam...well played sperm brother!"
4. Episode 114 - Death is a Bitch: Stewie - "Death, I'm Stewie, big fan!"

3. Episode 403 - Don't Make Me Over: Meg forces multiple individuals to light themselves on fire and run screaming through glass windows.
2. Episode 213 - E. Peterbus Unum: Peter's rendition of "Can't Touch Me"

1. Episode 309 - To Love and Die In Dixie: Stewie's performance of "My Big Fat Baby Loves to Eat"


June 13, 2005

Top Ten Worst Actresses & Thier Definitive Worst Movie (Again, this does not mean that these actresses haven't been in decent movies, but their overall acting ability is the scale that they are judged by, and in these cases, not even the relative hotness of anyone helps their case any...)

10. Cindy Crawford - Fair Game (Runner-up: The Simian Line)
9. Rosie Perez - The 24 Hour Woman (Runner-up: Perdita Durango)
8. Denise Richards - Tammy & The T-Rex (Runner-up: Drop Dead Gorgeous)
7. Jennifer Lopez - Gigli (Runner-up: Anaconda)
6. Tara Reid - Alone in the Dark (Runner-up: My Boss's Daughter)
5. Pamela Anderson - Barb Wire (Runner-up: Snapdragon)
4. Elizabeth Berkley - Showgirls (Runner-up: Detonator)

3. Britney Spears - Crossroads (no Runner-up available as she sucks too badly to have a lead part in another movie)
2. Madonna - Shanghai Surprise (Runner-up: Who's That Girl?)

1. Paris Hilton - Nine Lives (Runner-up: The Hillz)


June 6, 2005

Top Ten Worst Actors & Their Definitive Worst Movie (This does not mean that these actors haven't been in decent movies, but their overall acting ability is the scale that they are judged by.)

10. Mark Hamill - The Guyver (Runner-up: Black Magic Woman)
9. Vin Diesel - The Fast & The Furious (Runner-up: The Pacifier)
8. Pauly Shore - Jury Duty (Runner-up: In the Army Now)
7. Paul Walker - Meet the Deedles (Runner-up: The Fast & The Furious)
6. Steven Seagal - The Foreigner (Runner-up: Into the Sun)
5. Chuck Norris - Top Dog (Runner-up: Invasion U.S.A.)
4. David Hasselhoff - Nick Fury: Agent of Shield (Runner-up: Layover)

3. Dolph Lundgren - Red Scorpion (Runner-up: I Come In Peace)
2. Carrot Top - Chairman of the Board (Runner-up: Hourglass)

1. Shaquille O'Neal - Kazaam (Runner-up: Steel)


May 20, 2005

Top Ten Things Women Need to Realize (as suggested and contributed to by Mike Eckmann)*

1. Sometimes we're not thinking about you. Live with it.
1. If it itches, we're going to scratch it.
1. If we say something that has more than one interpretation, we meant the one that doesn't make you sad or angry!
1. We do not know how to read your mind and we probably never will. This is not proof that we don't care about you!
1. Most guys own three pairs of shoes, at the MOST. Do you really think we'd know which pair (out of your 30 or 40) would go best with your outfit?
1. Ask for or tell us what you want. Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work!! Just say what it is!
1. All men see in only 16 colors, like the Windows default setting. For example, peach is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.
1. Two things about cars: Learn to drive a stick shift and check your own oil! Please.
1. Sundays are for sports, video games, cards, and beer. You have a better chance of changing the tide, so let it be.
1. You're a big girl, learn how to work the toilet seat. If it's up, put it down. You need it down, we need it up. Do we complain when you leave it down?
* Notice that all the points of the above list are equally important *


April 6, 2005

The Top Ten Songs on Beseler's "Contemplative" List

10. Hard To Say I'm Sorry by Chicago
9. Hook by Blues Traveler
8. Even Angels Fall by Jessica Riddle
7. Beautiful Day by U2
6. Walking in Memphis by Marc Cohn
5. Round Here by Counting Crows
4. That's Just About Right by Blackhawk

3. She Talks To Angels by Black Crowes
2. Like the Rain by Clint Black

1. I'm Still Here by Johnny Rzeznik


February 11, 2005

The Top Ten Things Beseler Has Learned Living With Three Women

10. Obviously: women are much cleaner than guys
9. If you don't want your place to smell like lilacs, you'd best buy your own air fresheners
8. Your dishes may mysteriously get cleaned, but you'll wish they hadn't
7. Your living room WILL have items such as weird lamps, artwork, and plants in it.
6. Never leave the seat up, even in your own bathroom!
5. Women actually DON'T like video game day?!?!
4. Certain pairs of boxers (i.e. no button) should not be worn around the house without pants on

3. Unfortunately, living with three women doesn't help you get more dates...
2. Trying to instigate "Lingerie Wednesdays" doesn't work...and in relation to that:

1. Women don't actually walk around in their underwear for no apparent reason...:(


February 5, 2005

It just happened to pop into my head earlier today to actually make a list of the many perversions of my name, so here they are:

The Top Ten Perversions of Beseler's Name

10. Queezler
9. Cannibaleezler
8. Leboneseler
7. Geezler
6. Late Feesler (obviously inspired by my part-time job)
5. Portugueseler
4. Bacardi Breezler

3. Cheeseler (& variations of: Easy Cheeseler, Macaroni & Cheeseler, etc...)
2. Diseaseler (& the ever-popular adaptations: STDiseasler & Venereal Diseasler, both coined by Mikey I believe)

1. Febreezler


December 8, 2004

I thought I would go along with the theme of Hanson's Top Ten and give you:

The Top Ten Signs You Are On A "Date From Hell"

10. Your date's car breaks down
9. Your evening ends because the cops showed up
8. Your date has just been released from prison
7. Your date's idea of a romantic evening is to go cow-tipping
6. You smell something weird and you're not driving past the local dump
5. As you are slow-dancing, you realize your date is spitting his chew into a cup over your shoulder
4. As you both lean in for a goodnight kiss, your date lets out a massive belch right in your face

3. After dinner at Red Lobster, your date's face swells up while he exclaims, "I didn't shrimp was seafood!"
2. Your date asks you if you have a problem with trans-gender operations

1. Your date's name is Brandon Raboin


November 23, 2004

Top Ten Obscure Holidays

10. National Cheesecake Day: July 30 (I personally have never understood putting cheese into a cake, but some people like it)
9. Don't Go To Work Unless It's Fun Day: April 3 (Go to work? On MY birthday? Not hardly.)
8. National Beheading Day: September 2 (I have a whole list of people that should take part in this one...)
7. Card Playing Day: December 28 (This is really any day of the year, but if "they" want to specify one, that's ok)
6. Video Games Day: July 8 (Formula for good day: Halo/Halo 2, multiple cases of Coke & Mountain Dew, many pizzas *frozen or ordered*, and a great video game wench *Jamie is the reigning Queen*)
5. No Brainer Day: February 27 (...or, as I like to call it, "Raboin/Wilson Day")
4. Ear Muff Day: March 13 (...and, thanks to Vince Vaughn, the day we can go around shouting "cock" and "balls")

3. Kite Flying Day: February 8 (What kind of idiot thinks of putting kite flying day in the middle of the damn winter?!?! What a moron.)
2. White T-Shirt Day: February 11 (in an eerie coincidence it also happens to be the unofficial Wet T-Shirt Day...weird...)

1. Titanic Remembrance Day: April 15 (the day we remember when Leo sank deep down into the ocean...poor Leo. He he he.)


October 28, 2004

Top Ten Reasons Why Erika Is The Best Sister Ever!
(Idea sent in by Erika)

10. She brings me lunch at work sometimes (good thing, otherwise I'd waste away to nothing...hehe)
9. Her boyfriend gets me cheap video games (he's ok even if he doesn't pay attention to football very much)
8. She has the same nose as I do (it's almost as cute as my dimples)
7. She gets overly emotional when she's sick (big baby)
6. She wants to learn to ride motorcycle (now if she'd only study the stupid book to get her permit)
5. She's tough enough to give me piggy back rides (just to be fair, Jenny Thompson is also)
4. She talked me into joining Tae Kwon Do (that's right, I'm voluntarily getting exercise...weird huh?)

3. She let me take her car on a date one time (see the upcoming Date From Hell story...)
2. She's my inside source into the workings of the female mind (good thing my comprehension doesn't have anything to do with this list...)

1. She can beat Friedo in arm wrestling! (well, she beat him once anyway, and that counts!)


October 21, 2004

Beseler's Top Ten Late-Night Snacks/Beverages
Not much of a funny list, but a vital one!

10. Grapes
9. Powdered Donuts
8. Spicy Nacho Doritos
7. Cheese
6. Coffee
5. Pot Pies
4. Popcorn - lots of butter and salt

3. Chili Cheese Dip and Tostitos
2. Mountain Dew

1. Pizza Rolls - it's like they took pizza and made it bite-size...words can't express the goodness...


October 18, 2004

Top 10 Reasons Not To Ride A Crotchrocket
by Aaron Beseler & Mike Eckmann

10. When (not if) you tip over you have to buy thousands of dollars worth of plastic crap to fix it
9. You ride two blocks and have to stop because your back hurts
8. Makes your ass look bigger
7. Leaning forward to ride...translation: your face is the first to hit something...awesome!
6. Your IQ automatically drops 50 points
5. A correlation of #6: you have uncontrollable urges to perform tricks (i.e. "stoppies") for everyone to show them how "cool" you are
4. People know you really got it to make up for a lack of "manhood"

3. You sound like an angry swarm of fruit flies
2. THE GAS TANK: aka "The nut cracker"

1. When riding a crotchrocket you closely resemble a monkey fornicating a football!!


October 13, 2004

Top 10 Reasons To Go To The "Get Lei'd Dance"

10. To relax after a long day
9. Seeing guys trying to match hawaiian shirts and shorts
8. Patents Pending rocks!
7. Hopefully Drucker will have a shirt on for once
6. You might get to dance with Beseler and Hanson
5. "Sell Out" and the ladies of the band - great combination
4. Getting lei'd counts no matter how you spell it

3. Emma and Mandy in bikini tops and grass skirts...
2. Seeing what's underneath those skirts...

1. An asian singing "Play That Funky Music White Boy" - that's funny sh*t!